Somewhere in Japan…
The Temple of Yamanouchi has stood for centuries hidden from prying eyes within the mountains of the Nippon. A secret school dedicated to training gifted individuals in the art of Ninjitsu, it has stood the test of time due in part to its adherence to both honor and tradition. Recently, however, the school has been under the cloud of a terrible curse. The curse named Hanzaisha Yori.
A meeting was taking place within the central shrine, rendering all of the day’s classes on hold until an important decision could be reached. The leader of the temple, an old man simply referred to as “sensei”, sat upon a dais before the entire student body. On one side of the room sat the students, on the other, a beautiful asian woman with hair just above her shoulders knelt, awaiting the inevitable questions that were to come.
“Yori-san, you stand accused of vandalism, sexual impropriety, extortion, and… beating the other students for their “lunch” money. How do you answer to these charges?” Sensei didn’t move an inch or show even the slightest hint of emotion.
“Sensei, surely these terrible accusations must be an exaggeration. I believe it is merely an attempt by my peers to take revenge, due to jealousy of my obviously superior talents.” The girl named Yori smiled sweetly and shyly looked at the floor.
A cavalcade of complaints and murmuring erupted from the mass of students, causing the accused to fire a grimace of pure rage in their direction, one that silenced them immediately.
“Hanzaisha Yori, you have brought shame and dishonor upon Yamanouchi. For this crime, there can be only one punishment… banishment. How do you respond to this judgment?” The old man actually started to look worried.
“I suppose there is only one way I can respond…” The condemned smiled with all the warmth of a cobra.
A loud thump, followed by a yelp and the sound of a collective gasp filled the shrine, as the ninja-girl bent the old man’s arm behind his back and repeatedly bounced his head off of a concrete bench.
“Ow OW, stop it, you’re HURTING me. It was the STUDENTS, they made me do it! Uncle, UNCLE!” Sensei whined like a six year old, as he was being roughly man-handled.
“Sensei, why are you banging your head like that? At your age, you really should be more careful!” Yori picked him up and tossed him into the students, scattering them like bowling pins.
“Go away, you DEMON, torture us no more!” The emasculated mob shouted angry obscenities and lewd suggestions at the bully, making her even angrier.
“You will all be excited to know that I have accepted a high ranking position with an American super-villain. Once I have earned a vast fortune, I will return to purchase Yamanouchi and tear it down to build a massage parlor. As they say in the states, go fuck yourselves.” With a sly smirk, the ninja beauty turned and left the building.
The angry mob followed at a distance, still shouting and cursing as they went. As the foul-mouthed exile approached the main gate, she turned and kicked one of the decorative columns, knocking it over and causing a domino-effect, destroying several arches and the statue of the founding samurai. Blowing the outraged crowd a kiss, Yori began to descend the long stairs leading away from the temple.
“Master, look at the damage, we should sue her for this!” One of the ninjas-in–training shouted in anger.
“No, my son, only the foolish warrior relies upon a lawyer. That and she would probably come back and kick our asses again.” Sensei slumped with shame.
In the darkness of Kim’s bedroom, tucked within the warm, safe confines of her bed, Shego and the redhead were in the midst of intimate passion. The sounds of dirty-talk and moaning were pervasive throughout the room, when suddenly, Kim distinctly heard a slight “crunching” noise. Stopping abruptly, the young Possible looked down at her demon lover with startled alarm.
“Did you hear that?” The girl squinted in the dark, trying to read the face of her girlfriend.
“Hear what?” Shego raised an eyebrow in annoyance.
“Oh nothing, now where were we?” The grabbing and groping continued, until Kim heard it yet again.
“There, did you hear that? What IS that?” Kim stuck her arm out from under the sheets and searched for her lamp. Clicking on the light, she turned and screamed at the sight of Ted and Ron, seated on chairs at the foot of her bed. Ted was practically drooling and Ronald was shoveling down handfuls of popcorn.
“What the HELL are YOU TWO doing in HERE!? Get out, get the HELL out NOW!” Possible began searching for the axe she kept under her bed.
“We paid good money for these seats, so we ain’t leavin’!” Ted grabbed his chair and braced himself for inevitable injury.
“Yeah!” Ron began eating his corn faster.
“You dirty sons-of… wait, did you say PAID!? What do you mean paid?” Possible shot a suspicious glance at her bed-buddy.
“I found out they were plannin’ on sneaking in and watchin’ us lay carpet, so I charged ‘em money. They were gonna see us doin’ this eventually, so I figured, why not profit from it?” The she-devil smirked and winked at Kim.
“SHEGO?! Are you INSANE?!” The redhead turned and locked her death-gaze on the spectators. “How long have you two been in here?”
Ted looked over at Ron. “Mr. Secretary, please read back the minutes.”
Putting on a pair of bi-focals, Stoppable produced a notepad and began thumbing through it. “Oh yes… oh baby… you make me feel like a woman. Kim, you’re not doing it right, get your finger out of there…”
Kim’s face turned bright red as she made a lunge for her hatchet again. Shego grabbed her by the waist and yanked her back into bed.
“Pumpkin, you REALLY need to get this modesty thing of yours under control. These two are never gonna stop being annoying and intrusive, so if you don’t make an effort to get over this, we’ll never be happy together.” The green sex-queen looked at the axe-murderer with a hint of seriousness on her face.
“On a related note, according to our HLS scoreboard, Shego is wining three to two.” Ted lifted a glowing sign up to the bed that displayed not only the overall score, but other stats as well. Kim was leading in “errors”.
“Hey, I’m not doing that bad!” Turning to Shego, Kim looked at the woman for confirmation.
“Looks pretty accurate to me, I’m hoping to sweep the play-offs this year!” The hot Empusa leaned back and smiled at her lusty victory.
“You expect me to get used to THIS, you monsters are sick! I’m going to take a shower, I suddenly feel dirty all over.” Sticking her nose in the air, the offended woman stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door.
“She talks mean now, but last night she kept calling me “Gollum”. Shego threw a toothy smile to her cohorts.
“Why?” Ron looked confused as he removed the paper from his hotdog. (An actual “hotdog”, not his penis… just so you know.)
“I kept finding her “precious”, that’s why.” Shego and Ted shared a hearty laugh as Ron just sat there looking stupid.
“Uh…”
“Forget it, dude.” Ted stood up to leave. “I’m bored now, let’s go break something.”
Kim’s hidden axe went sailing, burying itself in the door and blocking the imps from exiting.
“Where do you two think you’re GOING?!” The devil-lady sneered at the morons. “She got me halfway, but you’re gonna FINISH the job!”
“You seem a little worked up, maybe we should do this later…” Keening was grabbed around the neck by a green hand, while Ron was flipped upside down and held by a green tail.
“You guys are gonna have a little “Sympathy for the Devil” and give me some “Satisfaction”, or I’m gonna ROLL your STONES out the damn window!” The horny wise-ass tossed her captives onto the mattress and proceeded to “Flip the Switch.”
The Brain Surgeon stood outside of the “guest” entrance to her headquarters along with her honor guard, anxiously awaiting her newest employee.
“I’m so excited, she was rated three stars in her brutality evaluation and FOUR stars in her “naughty” index!” Anne gave a passing pigeon the “finger”, creating a dish that resembled roasted pheasant. “It’s good to know that young women are being properly motivated to take up careers in “alternate moral alignments”.
“You mean “evil”, ma’am?” Wendy, the perky secretary piped in.
“Of course, sweetie, did you get our welcome baskets prepared?” The evil redhead was practically glowing from excitement.
“I sure did, the Lil’ Bear basket even comes with a detachable flamethrower!” The girl pointed the stuffed bruin at a random henchman and engulfed him in a blast of fire. The poor bastard ran around screaming, until Anne gave him the finger too.
“Enough with the drama, Roy, nobody likes a cry-baby.”
Kim and Shego were in the midst of another argument, forcing the two imps to flee outside for safety reasons. Sitting on a lawn chair, Ted rested his angry face on one of his hands and shot disgusted glances about the lawn. Ron ran around in circles, chasing a squirrel with a rake.
“Well, buffoon, why are you wasting precious time out here playing with rodents, when there’s an entire CITY waiting to be reduced to rubble?” Drew’s sudden appearance startled the Stopper, causing him to trip and fall on his yard tool.
“Ow, Drew, I hate it when you do that!” Ron untangled himself from the rake and stood back up. “There’s nothing here to set on fire, so you might as well go back to where ever you came from.”
“Look young man, I’m not some one-note washout, like the Baha Men! If you can’t burn something, you smash it up.” Motioning across the street, Drew pointed to a construction crew preparing to break for lunch. A full sized bulldozer sat glinting like a delinquent’s lottery ticket in the midday sun. “THAT, my freckled fiend, will do quite nicely!”
“I don’t know how to steal OR drive that thing.” Ron scratched the back of his head and frowned.
“Fortunately, I’ve piloted my share of heavy vehicles, so I can instruct you. Now get your perverted friend over there and let’s do some damage.” Drew watched Ron poke Ted with the rake and fill him in on the plan. Rubbing his hands together with glee, the villain smiled at the thought of the devastation to come. “This is going to be more fun than hunting with Donald Rumsfeld!”
“So, let me get this straight, your imaginary friend wants us to STEAL that contraption and do what now?!” Ted looked at the Stopper with doubt.
“Go on a destruction filled rampage?” Ronald smiled uncomfortably and fidgeted.
“AWESOME!” Keening practically ran to the bulldozer and jumped onboard. “Hurry up, dude, times a wastin’!”
With Drew’s help, the imps started the machine and took off down the street, in search of truth and fun.
“Ya know, man, we haven’t had a chance to hang out like this in awhile. This is gonna be cool!” Ted lit up a smoke and guzzled scotch from a bottle.
“Seriously, those chicks sure are hungry for attention. Now we can get down to some MAN stuff!” Ron looked about the scenery from the cockpit of his stolen crunch-machine like a kid in a candy store.
“Yes, down to some “tearing this town a new one” stuff!” Drew mumbled under his breath as he clung to the back of the machine. The blue-skinned nutcase began laughing maniacally.
“Drew, what’s so funny?”
“Nothing, just drive.”
“Why do you HAVE to be so difficult about this? Your friends, that Betty chick, and even your MOM is cool with them being here, why do you insist on making this into a big deal?!” Shego stormed after her angry lover trying to smooth things over after the event in the bedroom earlier that morning.
“The whole thing is just SO perverted that I can hardly believe you’re even defending it. You’re smart, Shego, why do you encourage them to do those kinds of sick and disgusting things?” Possible stopped in her tracks and turned to face the older woman.
“I’m EVIL, Princess, how many ways do I have say it! You knew this the moment we met, and you shouting isn’t gonna change that.” The devil frowned and stared the redhead in the eyes.
“I stopped hanging out with my friends because they were doing things just like that, why would I wanna jump back in?” Placing her fists against her hips, Kim glowered at the hell spawn.
“Are you really gonna allow a bunch of anal-retentive MEN tell you how to live your life?!” Shego crossed her arms in frustration and gritted her teeth.
“Men?! What MEN are you talking about?” Moving face-to-face with her girlfriend, Kim squared up and exhaled in defiance.
“Your cops, your lawmakers, and especially… your DAD!” The devil frowned even harder and refused to budge.
“Don’t you talk about my FATHER like that! He’d be spinning in his grave if he knew what I’ve been doing.” The redhead felt a tear building in the corner of her eye, but quickly pushed it back.
“So, let me get this straight, your Dad would rather you live a clean, moral, MISERABLE life than to accept what you want and risk being HAPPY?! What the HELL kind of parenting is THAT?!” Shego put on the pressure, knowing that the younger girl would break and let it all out, like she desperately needed to.
Kim could hold it in no longer; big tears fell from her emerald eyes as she digested the words from the beautiful temptress. “I don’t want to let him down again!” Falling into the dark haired woman’s arms, the young girl wept for the memory of her lost daddy.
“Kitten, I didn’t have a dad, but if yours loved you as much as you love him, he’d accept you no matter what you did.” Shego looked into Kim’s eyes and smiled.
“You think so…?” The redhead sniffed hard and wiped her tears on her sleeve.
“YES, because, like me, he knows you’re NOT STUPID! You’re supposed to be the girl who can do anything, so is trying to balance a complicated relationship THAT much of a stretch for you?” Devil-chick placed her lips against Kim’s forehead and blew hard, making a fart noise.
Stop it, you bitch!” Kim laughed despite her tears and tried to escape, causing the both of them to fall to the floor. The two girls rolled around in a playful wrestling match, before finally declaring the fight a draw.
“Now are you gonna PLEASE try to get used to owning a pair of fuck-tards?” The green-groper smirked at Red.
“Yeah, but you gotta promise to keep them from going too far.” Kim threw a sly grin at her “hero”.
“Fine, now go get us something to drink, and make it snappy!” Shego used her tail to smack Kim across her “bubble-butt”.
“Okay okay, you big meanie, I’m goin’!” Laughing to herself, Possible walked into the kitchen.
‘Shego, you are one smooth talkin’ she-pimp!’ The Empusa was grinning ear-to-ear in light of her negotiation skills.
Kim walked past the television sitting on the kitchen counter, only to quickly back up and stare wide eyed in shock.
“SHEGO, Get in HERE!”
“What, are we out of soda again?” The evil woman stomped into the kitchen and froze at the sight of the news report Kim was staring at.
“Middleton Police have reason to believe that an out of control bulldozer has been wreaking havoc across our suburbs today, as multiple complaints have been filed by local residents complaining of extensive property damage. According to witnesses, the drivers of the vehicle are describes as two young males. One is supposedly a “blond haired moron”, while the other is a “green headed alcoholic”…”
“Oh shit…” Shego looked at Kim and shuddered.
“We have to find and stop them before they blow your cover!” Possible ran upstairs to change, leaving the devil to fume alone.
“When I get my claws on those two…”
The henchman doubled over in pain, as a shapely leg collided with his “lincoln log” with a disgusting “crunch”. Injured flunkies lay scattered about like discarded roaches at a Phish concert. The thuggish Yori dusted off her hands and bowed politely to her new boss.
“I trust my performance was adequate, Surgeon-sama?”
The elder Possible grabbed the exotic bully in a big ol’ bear-hug.
“You’re so ADORABLE! Evil and gorgeous at the same time, I just HAVE to introduce you to my little imps, they’ll just LOVE you!” Anne placed a big smooch on Yori’s forehead, leaving the girl standing there looking stunned. “Wendy, sweetie, get the transport ready. I wanna show our little “nut cracker” around the base!”
“I am, uh…, honored by your sexual harassment, my lord.” Bowing once more, the ninja proceeded to walk around and kick downed henchman, while stealing their wallets.
Gales of insane laughter echoed from the interior of the stolen bulldozer, as the imps wallowed in their senseless destruction. A path strewn with mangled cars, crushed signs and smashed fences lay behind them for miles. Drew had been pointing out targets at random and Stoppable complied without argument. They even made a slight detour to Middleton Cemetery to pick up a few things.
Running over a chain link fence, the trio lined the scoop up with the adjoining house’s picture window.
“Let her rip, dude!” Ted shouted, nearly falling down drunk at this point.
Giggling like a maniac, Ron yanked a lever and tossed a stolen casket through the glass, landing it right in the living room. (How ironic) The sound of sirens in the distance quickly snuffed the laughter.
“BLAST, already?” Drew clenched his fists and cursed. “I’m afraid we’ll have to abandon our conveyance and make our escape.”
“Alright…dammit.” Ted swayed back and forth, nearly slipping on the collection of empty liquor bottles that had collected within the cab of the dozer.
Falling out into the street, Drew conveniently disappeared, leaving Ron and Ted to fend for themselves. Rude-fus hopped up to the controls and kicked the accelerator forward before abandoning the wrecking machine.
“Bleh!”
The dozer began rolling forward, causing it to crash through the front of the house, bringing the whole thing down. The imps continued to laugh as they ran down the street, stopping only long enough to jump into a hedgerow to hide. A squadron of cop cars turned the corner and screeched to a halt. Quickly surrounding the collapsed house, Middleton’s finest pulled their side arms and ordered the suspects to “come out with their hands up”.
“I guess its back to jail.” Ron started to stand up, only to get dragged back down by Ted.
“What are ya doin’, they ain’t talkin’ to us! They’re talkin’ to da bulldozer!” Ted swooned and passed out, landing on top of the Ron-ster and pinning him to the ground.
An old couple picked their way out of the rubble and placed their hands upon their heads. The police looked at each other with confusion.
“Are they the suspects?” A cop who looked surprisingly similar to Geraldo Rivera asked, while scratching his head.
“You feel like running around lookin’ for somebody else?” The officer who could have been a dead-ringer for Judd Nelson shot an angry glance at his partner.
The public servants busted the old couple for grand theft and destruction of property. Stuffing the two into a cruiser, the boys in blue left as quickly as they showed up.
Ron stuck his head out of the bushes to see if the “coast was clear”.
“Ted, come on, let’s get out of here!” The Stopper grabbed the drunk by the leg and pulled him into the street.
Stopping to take a breath, the blond looked up to see a familiar car screeching towards him at full speed. The angry women seated in the convertible made no attempt to swerve or even slow down.
“Oh boy.” Ron braced himself for the oncoming squish.
Shego floored it and ran over both imps. Backing up, she ran over them again before stopping and jumping out of the car.
“You little BASTARDS!” The devil-girl beat the shit out of both of them with a golf club before stuffing them in the trunk and driving off.
“Thank gawd the cops in this town are so damn stupid!” Shego purposely hit every bump she could to jostle the idiots in the back.
“I thought you WANTED them to do stuff like this!” Kim gave her “cuddle monster” a look of inquiry.
“That’s just it, they didn’t invite ME!”
Hitting a sharp turn at sixty miles an hour, the angry mistress rattled the men around inside the trunk like a pair of brain cells in Paris Hilton’s skull. Whipping into the Possible’s driveway, Shego yanked the idiots out of the car and dragged them into the house.
‘To think she gave ME such a hard time about putting up with those two.’ Kim chuckled to herself as she followed them inside.
“I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone, this is so exciting!” Anne drove her mini-van like a lunatic, cutting people off and ignoring other highway safety laws.
Having stopped at a red light, Yori leaned out the window and grabbed the driver in the truck next to them and began wringing his neck.
“I humbly request that you give me your wallet, please!” The asian girl gave the choking man a death look.
Handing the crazed foreigner his money, the motorist gasped for air.
“Arigatougozaimasu!” The second in command followed up her appreciation with a swift punch to the guy’s face, knocking him out.
“Everything okay, dear?” The redheaded driver looked to her passenger with concern.
“I am fine, Possible-sama.” Yori carefully counted out her victim’s money before tossing the bill-fold out the window.
“I just hope the boys don’t spook you, they can be a handful at times.”
“Okay, Kimmie, just concentrate and swing for the fences!” Shego spun a blindfolded Kim around in a circle before handing her a stick and stepping away.
“Where did you find a piñata this fast?” Kim began to swing the pole around, trying to find the target.
“Oh, I’ve got the hook up.” The devil beast laughed maniacally at the “piñata”.
Ron and Ted had been tied together, gagged, and hung by a rope from a tree branch. Pulling their bodies every which way, the two struggled to avoid the inevitable pounding.
“Am I getting closer?” Kim swung hard and cracked Ron in the face, causing him to mumble incoherently. “What’s that noise?”
“Nothing, just keep swingin’, you’re almost there!” Shego began throwing rocks at the imps to add to their misery.
Muffled yelps and whining filled the air as the redhead walloped the shit out of the “dopes-on-a-rope”. Anne’s van approached the house, catching Shego’s attention.
“Okay, your mom’s home and she’s probably gonna want some “Ted time”. Firing a blast of plasma, the devil brought the punching bag back down to terra firma with a loud “thump”.
“Why do you like my mom so much?” Kim removed her blindfold and recoiled at the sight of the bludgeoned duo.
“She doesn’t charge us rent.” Shego turned and walked into the house, leaving Kim and the imps alone.
‘Should I untie them?’ Kim landed a few more loud swings before loosening the ropes. ‘Okay, now I feel better.’
“Everyone, I want you to meet the hospital’s newest intern, Yori. She’ll be staying with us until she finishes her… uh… education.” The elder Possible put her hands on the girl’s shoulders and looked with a wide eyed stare to the assembled group, expecting a warm welcome.
“Whatever…” Shego snorted.
“Like wise…” Kim crossed her arms and frowned.
“Booyah!” Ron lit up like a chain smoker.
“My divining rod is at full attention, and it’s pointing at HOT DAMN!!” Ted nearly passed out with horny bliss.
“I am most grateful for your hospitality.” Yori bowed politely, showing the imps her cleavage.
“Yori, dear, this is Ron and Ted. They’re a couple of sweethearts.” The sexy matron wore a devilish smile and made eye contact with both of them.
“Mom, hello, we’re here too… remember?” Kim continued to look annoyed.
“Quiet, honey, mommie is making a hook up.” Anne ignored her daughter, as usual.
“What did she say?!” Kimberly shot a horrified glance at Shego.
“Forget it, they’re HER problem now!” The villainess rolled her eyes and left the room, taking the younger redhead with her.
“Now will you boys show Yori to her room, and try to make her as “comfortable” as possible.” Anne pushed the three towards the stairs.
“No problemo, Mrs. Doctor P!” Ron beamed.
“I love you, Anne!” Ted was prepared to start an internet cult for the Brain Surgeon.
Admiring her handiwork, Anne Possible walked into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. Kim sat at the table eating a bowl of soup while Shego drew pictures of the imps being eaten by a bear on the “things to do” list.
“Mom, why are you trying to get those two laid?” KP asked her mother the question point-blank.
“I want to get Yori pregnant, dear.” The woman responded even more directly.
The college girl spat a mouthful of soup across the room. “WHAT?!”
“I’m a doctor, honey, I’m curious to see what a half-asian imp would look like.” The “doctor” smiled with evil glee at her stupefied daughter.
“Nice try, but those two are shooting blanks!” Shego laughed out loud and kept drawing.
“Really?” Little Red started giggling, nearly falling off her chair.
“What?!” The Brain Surgeon, however, wasn’t laughing.
“You don’t really think I would be playing “hide the pickle” with those two if there was a chance I could get knocked up, do you?” The devil-woman put the finishing touches on her drawing and turned to smirk at the Possible’s. “They’re sterilized and hypo-allergenic, for MY protection.”
Anne sighed in defeat. “If nothing else, maybe it will calm Yori down. She seems a little aggressive.”
Ron hit the floor sporting two black eyes and a swollen jaw, and Ted came tumbling after. The angry asian rubbed her bruised knuckles and looked down on the boys with contempt. Her demeanor changed completely when she saw the wounds disappear right before her eyes.
“I do not understand, are you onmyoji?” The girl took a step back.
“Omelet what?” Ron stood up and rubbed his face.
“Baby, we’re from hell, so punch all ya want. Just as long as you sit on my lap while you’re doing it.” Ted winked and smiled at the ninja.
“You are DEMONS! Are you from the Court of Orochi?!” Yori became giddy as a… uh… schoolgirl… yeah.
“Uh, no, just plain ol’ hell. The one that’s run by that big red guy and I don’t mean Santa Claus.” The Ron-ster looked at the girl with intrigue.
“I have been an avid “admirer” of demons since I was a little girl. I have recorded the many spirits that I have “consorted” with on a series of scrolls. Let me show you!” The now ecstatic foreigner popped open a scroll case and unrolled the parchment within. A rather sizable list of entities spread out before them.
Ron stared with nauseous curiosity at a picture of a rather disgusting devil. “How many doo-dads does a guy need, anyway?”
“What does “consort with” mean, anyway? Did you play cards with ‘em or something?” Ted narrowed an eyebrow at the demon admirer.
“No, explaining it would be difficult, so it is best if I just showed you.” With a tug, Yori removed her clothing, exposing her luscious form to the two sex fiends.
Ron’s jaw dropped along with Yori’s clothes, as he sat there staring like an idiot. Ted, on the other hand, was a little more coherent.
“Thank gawd you mentioned Santa Claus, cause our present just unwrapped itself!”
The sound of thumping and moaning made its way into the kitchen, as the assembled ladies looked up at the ceiling with mixed reactions.
“They really unpacked the welcome wagon for her, the little darlings.” Anne sipped her coffee and blushed a little.
“How is it possible that a couple of brain dead morons like those two who have NO redeeming qualities, always end up in dirty sex with little or no effort?!” Kim looked at both Shego and her mother for an answer.
“If they didn’t, this story would be a complete waste of time to read!” Shego spat with disdain.
“What?!” The young redhead winced in confusion.
“Never mind…”
Rude-fus had made himself scarce after the bulldozer incident, and had headed downtown to find a means to amuse himself. He now stood in an alleyway, watching two bums beat the crap out of each other over a box of out-of-dated beef jerky. Observing the brawl, the devil-rat came up with a brilliant way to relieve boredom AND make a few bucks on the side.
An hour later, and a make shift sign had been erected displaying the words, “Bum Fights”. Rude-fus stood on a box taking bets from a variety of lowlifes, while two vagrants duked it out in a ram shackled ring. The crowd began tossing various weapons into the fray, hoping the transients would “kick it up a notch”.
“Any chance you could float me some credit?” A balding dead-beat pleaded to the rodent.
“Bleh!” Rude-fus punched the loser in the crotch and tossed him into the ring, where the combatants took a moment to kick his ass before turning on one another.
“Wow, I haven’t had this much fun since I paid Jennifer Flowers to slap my junk around.” An aging business man stood next to Rude-fus and tried making conversation. Big mistake.
The devil-rat pounded the shit out of the guy, for no real reason.
Despite a few hours having gone by, the International Sex-capade upstairs was still in full swing. Kim sat in the living room trying to read, when a boisterous shout startled her, causing her to spill her drink all over herself.
“Dammit, that’s it! I’m going to put a stop to this, right NOW!” The angry redhead marched upstairs in a huff.
Yori had built a harem-like pile of pillows on her floor and the three naked acquaintances lay about the room in a sweaty heap. The Japanese devil-worshipper puffed on a decorative pipe, filling the room with opium smoke.
“What do you call that last thing you did?” Ron mumbled in a stoned, half-whispered voice.
“I call it, “dragon catches caterpillar”, did you enjoy it?” The ninja blew a few smoke rings into air and coughed slightly.
“Oh yeah, you should have it patented.” Ted took a swig of sake and nuzzled Yori’s thigh.
Suddenly, the door flew open and revealed an angry Kim.
“Do any of you people have ANY consideration for…?” The enraged girl sniffed the air and recoiled. “Gawd, it smells like a Pakistani cat house in here, what the hell have you people been doing?!”
Yori stood up, still naked, and approached the redhead with a smooth stride.
“Could you please put some clothes on, this isn’t the French Riviera!” Kim scowled at the butt nekkid ninja.
Taking a big drag from her pipe, the asian girl pressed her lips to Kim’s and blew a mouth full of smoke down the redhead’s throat, forcing her to stumble backwards, coughing and gagging. The younger Possible glanced around the room before passing out and hitting the floor. Yori stood there looking disappointed. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned to rejoin the devil boys, when a sinister voice stopped her in her tracks.
“So, it’s a full on drug and sex romp, is it? Good thing I’m here to punch it into overtime!” Shego appeared only inches from the ninja girl, a look of total wickedness on her mug.
“I… uh… um…” Yori stammered helplessly as the devil removed her jumpsuit and grinned like a hungry mountain lion.
“Hey Yori, ya in for some Yuri?” Shego flipped the new houseguest over her shoulder and grabbed the unconscious Kim by the foot. Dragging them both to the “love nest”, she proceeded to initiate an unplanned orgy, with FOUR unconscious participants. The sounds that followed could best be described as a cross between a circus fire and a parade of people suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome.
In the aftermath, we find Shego taking a drag from Yori’s pipe, surrounded by the bodies of her “victims”. The devil had a look on her face that must have been similar to the one Nero had when he burned Rome.
‘Like I said before, I AM the PIMP!’ The green machine looked over at the new girl, who was not only wide awake, but staring at her with a look of pure ecstasy.
“Uh, what’s the ‘sitch?” She raised an eyebrow in concern.
“You are a genuine FEMALE demon, yes?” Yori’s dark eyes sparkled from within.
“Uh, yeah, pretty much.” The older woman’s “stalker sense” was tingling.
“I have been searching for a being like you for all my life, I am so happy!” The devil worshipper nuzzled the Empusa’s arm and giggled. ‘This has truly turned out to be a most fortuitous journey; I must make this entity MINE!’
‘Aw hell, here we go again.’ Shego frowned in disgust, as her sexual magnetism drew in another particle.
“Shego, why is she GROPING you?” Kim stared at Yori with angry jealousy.
“Uh… what groping?” The frown got bigger. ‘Aw, DOUBLE HELL!’
The two Shego-ites sneered at each other and one could actually see sparks snapping between the two.
Ron came to and ogled the ladies. “Hey KP, I can see your hoo-hoo nanny!”
“Shut up, Ron!” She replied.
“Sorry…”
The cops arrived in time to break up the hobo beat down, just before the steel cage and trash can match was about to start. All the participants were rounded up except Rude-fus who hid behind a dumpster and watched them leave.
“Bleh!”
Doubling his size, the devil-rat counted his winnings as he walked into a pawn shop. Walking back out, he held his newly purchased shotgun, which he used to shoot out peoples windows and flatten the tires on all the nearby cars. Stomping into a liquor store, he tied up the owner and tossed him into the back, and then proceeded to drink his fill before using the rest of his ammo to shoot up the joint. Stumbling back out into the street, he staggered a little further down the road before passing out behind a set of trash cans. Devil-rats really know how to party.
Anne sat crocheting a doily for her den of evil that included the slogan, “Rule the World or Die Trying”. Listening to the cacophony upstairs, she smiled and sighed with contentment.
‘It’s so good to hear the sounds of life in the house again. Perverted sounds that would get most people jail time, if not, deportation… but sounds of life, none the less.’ Returning to her sewing, the woman turned on the T.V. and glanced at the news broadcast.
“This just in, we have received reports claiming that an unexplainable crime wave has struck Middleton. Local resident’s claim that a demented, pink troll has been sighted assaulting people and brandishing a firearm. Police are recommending that all citizens remain indoors until the “Pink Bandit” has been apprehended.”
“This used to be such a nice town too.”
End Chapter Four