Kim sat in the pilot's seat before Sappho's controls, bone-weary. Ron and Shego had gone out to search Dementor's apartment and, if possible, college office. They'd left her behind because the doctors had ordered twenty-four hours’ rest. Kim worried about how well Ron and Shego could work together, but she despairingly suspected that her presence would have made things worse. Shego had been distant with her that morning, and Kim could only hope it would get better with time.
Sure, right. Eventually she might get used to being the “friend” in the public eye. And Shego's skin might turn a shade of lavender.
“Kim,” Sappho alerted her softly. “You're getting a transmission from Monique. I can re-route it to your Kimmunicator if you like, or you can see her on the visual display?”
“I'll take the big screen, Sappho,” Kim mumbled. Great, another friend assuring her that the “lie” would go away.
Monique's face replaced Kim's tinted view of the clearing in which Sappho rested. “Hey, Kim… whoa, you're taking this pretty badly, aren't you?”
“What?”
“No offense, Kim, but you don't look too good.”
“I got zapped by Professor Dementor last night,” Kim said as she fished her compact out. “I don't feel too good either.” Her drawn face greeted her in the mirror, dark circles under her eyes. “What's the sitch?”
“Wade filled me in last night before I could check my email,” Monique replied. “He says Bonnie's behind it?”
Kim nodded. “He hacked into Bonnie's email and found the original message to some of our old teammates on the cheerleading squad,” she said. “She really worked me over, didn't she?”
Monique nodded. “Did you smack her around?”
“I doubt Josh would approve.”
“You ought to ask Shego. She'd do it. And she wouldn't give a crap what Josh thinks. I wonder if he knows what a spiteful bitch he's living with.”
Kim shrugged. After the scene with Shego in her hospital room, Kim found getting on her high horse an impossible task. “I'd rather not talk about Bonnie.”
“Well, you know you've got my unconditional support in this, right?”
Both girls were surprised when Kim burst into tears.
“Oh, Kim,” Monique said sympathetically, if a bit worried. “It's going to be all right, don't worry. In a few days they'll be talking about the latest celebrity hairdo or-”
“I don't care about them!” Kim interrupted vehemently. “They were never an issue. It was always about my family, and Ron.”
“Yeah, I hear that,” Monique agreed. “Can't imagine what I'd do if my parents heard a rumor that I was gay over the Internet. Though why anyone would believe what they read on the Internet…”
Kim almost choked on her tears. “M-Monique.”
Monique stopped, full-blown concern in her eyes. “Kim? Is there something else?”
Her body shuddered as she exhaled slowly. “I lied to Ron,” she said. “I don't think I can lie to you too, not about this.”
“About what?”
“Not after the look in her eyes,” Kim went on heedlessly, her own eyes haunted.
“Kim, you're starting to freak me out,” Monique said with growing alarm. “What did you lie about?”
“When - when I said it wasn't true.”
“What wasn't true?”
“The rumor,” Kim whispered.
Monique stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment before her eyes widened. “You mean Bonnie was telling the truth?”
Kim nodded miserably.
“You and…”
“Shego.”
“Wow,” Monique muttered. Then her eyes narrowed. “I askedyou about her at the Planetarium! And you said nothing was going on.”
“Nothing wasgoing on,” Kim said helplessly. “It wasn't until later that I found out Shego had feelings for me. And then… I realized I had feelings for her too.”
“Wow,” Monique repeated. “The two of you - you've, you know?”
“No,” Kim answered swiftly. “We've had to go slow. But we've gone out, we've kissed, we've - the connection between us, it's almost electric.”
Monique nodded. “I see why you were afraid of what your parents would say. Finding out something like that from an email? It'd be like reading you have cancer in the newspaper.”
“Monique!” Kim blurted out, shocked and hurt.
The look on Monique's face showed she realized what she'd said. “Oh, Kim, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound that way.”
“But what if that's how they respond?” Kim asked. “What if they can't accept me? What if - what if they stop loving me?”
“Kim, anything's possible for a Possible - except your family not loving each other.”
Kim shook her head anxiously. “I can't assume anything. Ron said some things - I don't think he could handle the truth. And I didn't lie to you, but I lied to him. Right to his face.”
“Kim, do you realize how big a part of his life you are? I don't think he could go on not being your best friend.”
“What about-”
“What?”
“What about you?” Kim asked softly.
Monique blinked, then smiled. “Kim, I'm the last person who's going to play the bigotry card.”
The look of hope and gratitude on Kim's face nearly broke Monique's heart. “You're not freaked out or embarrassed or anything?”
“It was a surprise, Kim, I won't lie to you. But this is the twenty-first century. I think the idea that homosexuality is wrong went out of style sometime in the 1990s.”
Kim finally smiled. “I wish I could hug you right now.”
“Why don't you hug that fireball you've been spotted with instead?”
Kim's smile vanished. “God, Shego,” she groaned.
“Now what?”
“She was there when I told Ron nothing was going on between us. She didn't take it very well.”
Monique nodded. “I think maybe you've got some explaining AND some apologizing to do,” she suggested.
“I would apologize for the rest of 2004 if it kept them in my lives,” Kim said.
“What about Wade? Do you want me to tell him or-”
“No, it's my job to tell him,” Kim sighed.
“You want me to soften him up a little first?” Monique asked.
“That wouldbe nice.”
Monique smiled. “Anything for my girl. Just don't tell Shego I said that. She strikes me as the jealous type.”
“You have no idea,” Kim agreed.
“Hey, KP?”
“Yes?”
“A lot of people love you. I'd trust in that,” Monique said quietly.
Kim nodded. “I'll try.”
When Monique signed off, the cockpit screen remained black, except for a blinking white dot in the center. “Kim.”
“Yes, Sappho.” Kim could have predicted that Sappho, ever loyal to Shego, would react to her conversation with Monique.
“… I can't predict how forgiving Shego will be,” Sappho finally told her. “But I'd be willing to put in a good word for you, if you want.”
Kim stared. “You mean it?”
“My circuits are convinced that you've suffered as much as Shego has, if not more so. And you do seem to be operating under a high level of systems overload.”
“I think I've had a few short circuits lately,” Kim said.
The white dot, ominously, turned red. “Do you think I will meet this Bonnie person?”
“I doubt it. I'm hoping we don't see her again while we're here.”
“That may be best,” the ship replied. “Dr. Freeman would be displeased if I landed on her.”
It was easy to talk tough about Kim earlier, but you couldn't plan your revenge when you were reduced to pathetically blubbering into her throw pillows, a letter crumpled in your fist.
“Josh,” Bonnie wept. “You can't leave me. I don't want to be alone again.” He knew she wasn't good at making friends. He was her home, her refuge. And now she suddenly had all this additional closet space. Because he'd packed his things and left by the time she came home.
The letter threw her a sop in the form of the words “I still love you”, but mostly it reeked of disappointment. Everybody but Josh thought she was the queen bitch, but Josh had finally seen the light. She couldn't be the one for him if she was capable of such malice toward another human being.
Of course he couldn't see that Kim had deserved it. She was such a goody-two-shoes, she had everyone believing she was the victim, the underdog. When Bonnie tried to defend herself from Kim's smarmy perfection, suddenly she was the bad guy.
She knew she'd dealt a permanent chink to Kim's armor, but Bonnie didn't know what else there was she could do. If mad scientists couldn't hurt Kim Possible, how could a ballet dancer?
The phone rang, and Bonnie nearly fell off the couch. She half-ran, half-crawled to the phone and picked up the receiver. “Josh?” she asked breathlessly.
“Why do you like this boy so much? That's all he is, a boy.”
Bonnie slammed the phone down. That stupid, lovesick professor! How dare he break into her apartment, try to turn Josh into a caveman? Bonnie had tons of blame to hand out, and Professor Dementor could have some!
The phone rang again, and she ignored it. For a few rings anyway. “What if it's Josh?” she worried, agonized, as the phone continued to ring. About to scream, she picked it up again.
“Don't hang up, Miss Rockwaller!”
She did scream now. She tried to express her frustration and rage with a cry, and basically succeeded. “Leave me alone, you lazy-eyed fart!”
“My dear, I am the only thing keeping you from being turned into a slack-jawed ape like the rest of the world.”
“So now you're threateningme? You're really sticking to the Stalker's Playbook, aren't you?”
“It is not a threat, Miss Rockwaller. I am trying to protect you. Soon everyone on Earth won't even have a working vocabulary because of me. I am offering you a way out.”
“Look, you deranged psycho, I am having a really bad day!”
“Oh, I am so very sorry to hear that! Was it Kim Possible?”
She stopped. “Well, sort of.”
“How true! You can't imagine all the bad days I've had because of that goody-goody.”
“Oh, I can imagine,” Bonnie growled. “I went to high school with her.”
“Hm, perhaps. Like it or not, it's something we have in common - we're both sick and tired of Kim Possible.”
She growled at the phone, but her anger at Kim was greater even than her anger at the Professor. “I guess,” she said sullenly.
“How has she hurt you?”
“Because of HER - and you! - I broke up with my boyfriend today. And if you say one word about how happy you are to hear that, I'll reach through that phone and rip your tongue out!”
“Would you like to get some coffee?”
“NO!!!”
“How about Ms. Possible? Would you like to get her?”
Bonnie hesitated. “Get her how?”
“Why, get her back, of course.”
“You're not going to turn her into a Cro-Magnon again, are you?”
“No, er, I think I've seen enough of her as a Homo Erectus.”
The word “homo” made her think of what Kim must be going through right now as she dealt with the fallout of her exposure, and a gloating laugh bubbled up in her throat. “So what then?” she asked.
“I was thinking - a field trip.”
“Monique's completely right, Kim,” Wade assured her. “Ron's going to be more upset about the lie than about your sexuality.”
“He doesn't like Shego,” Kim pointed out. “If I tell him we're dating, his head might explode.”
“If Ron sees you and Shego happy together, he'll accept it… Kim, I'm getting a red alert on your site.”
“What's the sitch?” she asked.
“It's from - Josh?”
“Josh? Wait, we asked him to let us know if they heard from Professor Dementor. Maybe Josh knows where he is.”
“Well, all he's saying here is that he needs to meet with you ASAP.”
“Where does he want to meet?”
Wade glanced away for a second. “It looks like - he says he knows you're working on the Harvard theft, so he's on the campus. He's probably no more than a few minutes from your ship.”
“I can't meet him here. With my luck, Shego will come back and see us together. Thatwon't make things any easier. Tell him - there are some benches near the research lab building where Justine works. I can find him there.”
“Got it.”
Kim was already getting up to leave. Having her secret accepted by both Monique and Wade had reintroduced life into her system. “Sappho, if Shego and Ron come back, tell them I'll be back soon. And Wade?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe you and I can double date some time. I willsee you in person.”
“How about the three of you pretend you're all with me?”
“Geek.”
Kim was in a hurry for some good news, but she was limping a little, and Josh beat her there. Even from a distance she could tell he was troubled. Josh Mankey had always struck her as a very centered person, but from the look of him, his equilibrium was a little off. “Hey, Josh,” she said as she approached.
“I never did get to really thank you for taking that shot for me,” he said unhappily, taking in her appearance.
She shrugged. “No big. Not like I've never been transformed while fighting the big bad guys. Got turned into a monkey once, you know.”
“Really. That must have freaked Stoppable out.”
“Not as much as my latest transformation will,” Kim thought. “Wade said this was urgent?”
He nodded. “Yeah, uh, I'm not sure how to begin. Have - have you heard any rumors going around recently? About you?”
Kim sighed. “You mean, that I'm a lesbian?”
“Bonnie started it,” he replied.
“I already know,” she told him. “Wade peeked inside her email. How did you know?”
Josh shrugged. “Does it matter?”
“No. No, I guess it doesn't.” She looked at him. “Is that why you came, to tell me Bonnie's behind yet another scheme to embarrass me?”
“I wanted you to know how strongly I disapprove of what she did to you, Kim,” Josh said firmly. “It was cruel, especially considering what you did for me last night. That dinner - boy, it was a disaster, but if you hadn't been there, that lunatic would have turned me into a living museum exhibit. In fact… Bonnie and I broke up over it.”
Kim gasped. “You split up?!”
“Yeah. I told her I couldn't go on living with someone that could be so vicious. I always knew Bonnie had a short temper and a long memory, but I thought she went too far.”
“Wow.” Kim chuckled. “I never would have pictured you two together until Monique told me about it.”
“Don't get me wrong, we've had great times together. We even exchanged the ‘L’ word a few months back.”
“Wait, you're in love with her?”
“I am. Or at least, I was.”
“You don't strike me as the kind of man who can turn his feelings off like a light switch, Josh.”
Josh scowled. “I don't know, Kim. Bonnie really threw me off my game today. Maybe I've just learned a lesson the hard way.”
“Gee, maybe you and I should go on a few dates,” Kim joked. “Dispel all those rumors in an instant.”
He looked at her thoughtfully. “There was a time when you would have liked that,” he said.
She froze. “I was just kidding, Josh. I mean, you just broke up with someone you were in love with.”
“Maybe I'd like to forget about her,” Josh said almost belligerently.
Oh, shit. He was serious.
It was, of course, true. She had been head over heels for Josh Mankey for the longest time. Even now, she thought he was even more attractive than he had been in high school. And obviously he hadn't changed from the cool and sweet guy she knew back then - except for the bitterness on his face today, that is.
If Kim was ever going to take the easy way out just once in her life, this was it. She could begin a torrid romance with Josh. Her parents and Ron would never know that Kim had once gone out with another woman. Wade and Monique knew, but Kim could trust them not to repeat it to anyone. And boy, would she be sticking it to Bonnie!
And as a sign of her confusion regarding her sexuality, she was still undeniably attracted to the man sitting across from her.
Slowly Kim reached a hand out and squeezed one of his. “Josh,” she began carefully.
Then she stopped. Something was missing, and she knew exactly what it was.
A spark. A sign of the connection she shared with Shego. It wasn't there. It wasn't the same. She…
Kim pulled her hand away. Dear God, what insanity had she been thinking?! Could she really be that selfish? She couldn't even imagine how much it would hurt Shego if Kim threw away their relationship because being gay was “too hard”. It wasn't just that on some level, Kim could never be as happy with Josh as she knew she could be with Shego. It was also that this relationship would only hurt everyone. Josh was obviously on the rebound, perhaps seeking Kim out because it would hurt Bonnie the most. Shego would be utterly devastated, and Kim could only wonder at the cruel irony - so far, it was always the “good girl” who seemed to end up hurting the “bad girl”. And Kim? Kim would have to live with knowing that she'd willingly surrendered a chance at something great for something easy. If she could do something like that, then she might as well hang her Kimmunicator right now.
“Kim?” Josh asked, confused.
“Josh,” she finally said, “if you and I started dating, we'd be doing it to get back at Bonnie, and then we'd be guilty of the same crime she is.”
He gaped at her. “We dated in high school, Kim. It's not like I'm not interested.”
“I'm flattered that you are, Josh. But I really think you need to work this out with Bonnie.” Strangely enough, in some small way Kim could empathize with her tormentor. Obviously Kim was capable of the same mistakes Bonnie had made. “Maybe she did what she did because she was scared. Because she loves you. When people get scared, sometimes they hurt other people. Believe me, I know.”
Josh folded his arms. “You're not the same as Bonnie.”
“I certainly hope not,” she agreed. “But I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't tell you that you should give your love another chance before you move on. I appreciate your support, I really do. It's nice to see a guy who isn't afraid to be sensitive. But what about you? Before today, had Bonnie ever hurt you?”
His arms dropped as he frowned. “Well, no, not really.”
“Then Bonnie's a better person than I am, because I've hurt people I care about. I didn't want to hurt them, but I did. Maybe you should focus on how much Bonnie really feels for you.”
“Do - do you think?” he asked uncertainly.
She nodded. “Besides,” Kim added, “you should know. I'm seeing someone else.”
“What? Oh! Oh hell, Kim, I apologize. Why didn't you say so before?”
“Because… you had dinner with her last night.”
“Stoppable?!” Then he blinked. “Dinner with her? Shego? You mean the rumor's true?!”
Kim sighed. “I don't think you'd want to be seen in public with a freak like me, Josh.”
Josh's astonishment grew. “A freak? Kim, I don't think being gay makes you a freak. Different, sure. But certainly not in a badway.” Then, impossibly, he grinned. “There are millions of red-blooded American males who'd say it's a good kind of different.”
“Ugh!” she groaned.
“KP!”
Kim and Josh looked around and spotted Ron jogging over. “Ron, where's Shego?” she asked.
“Shego? She ran off a minute ago. She saw you two together and decided she'd just go on ahead to the ship. Don't take it personally, Josh,” he told Mankey. “Shego doesn't seem to do well in groups.”
“Wait,” Kim said urgently. “She saw us sitting here, and she took off?”
Ron nodded. “Yup.”
It was almost like a blackboard and chalk in Kim's brain. Kim Josh holding hands hurt, jealous Shego = total disaster.
Kim's limp vanished as she bolted from her bench and ran in Sappho's direction as fast as she could.
Ron blinked, then turned to Josh. “What did I say?”
To be continued…
Author's Note: What did Shego see exactly? How will she react? What will Kim do? I'm afraid you'll have to wait until Chapter Seven.
Also, a couple people have pointed out that Sappho is practically the only speaking part in my story that never appeared on the show. Since you asked, if I had to cast an actress to voice the role, I would choose Jane Krakowski, who played Elaine on Ally McBeal. That's who I hear when I imagine Sappho speaking.