“Dr. Director? There is a call for you. Some squabble on the US - Canadian border.”
“Why is that coming to me?”
“There seems to be some question about jurisdiction.”
“Damn it, I'm not a court.”
“If you'll just take the call, please?”
If Betty Director went into her office an irritated woman she came out twenty minutes later an angry woman. “Order a Blackhawk for me. I want to know what in the hell is going on.”
The end of the parking lot furthest from the Custom's building had enough space to set the helicopter down. As she headed towards the building she noticed two cars with RCMP plates from Canada, three American police cars, two highway patrol cruisers and a variety of other vehicles with government tags -- at least some of which, she assumed, belonged to the Bureau of Naturalization and Immigration.
She guessed that the arguments had ended some time before she got there. While the verbal battles appeared over the clusters of angry individuals suggested that at least three, possibly four, positions were represented. No one in the building appeared any happier than she felt, with one exception. A young woman with pale green skin sat in a chair at the center of the legal maelstrom. She smiled and blew Betty Director a kiss, “So kind of you to come.”
Dr. Director rubbed a hand across her forehead, “Without the legal technicalities, can anyone give me the short form of what's going on?”
“Lieutenant Blake, RCMP. The government of Canada has released this woman from prison. We're done with her. Since she is an American citizen we are sending her back to the United States. I don't know why these people are making a stink.”
“Thank you Lieutenant. Do you have paperwork indicating her discharge from Canadian custody?”
One of the Americans spoke up, “Here are the papers.”
“Lieutenant. You've done your job. When you get home you ask your superiors why in the hell Global Justice wasn't notified before the deportation. And tell them I expect them to start work on the return of the specially constructed cell we loaned the government of Canada. Someone in Canada screwed up, and I will want to know who and why -- but you can go.”
Another American official started to protest, but she silenced him. “If Canada says they're done with her, they're done with her. It's not the fault of these officers. You can't send her back. Now, is anyone here with the DOJ?”
No one spoke. “Does that strike anyone as unusual?”
“We know that. We found it out when we did a search on her records when the Canadians dumped her here. The problem is that she isn't wanted here. She's --”
“Yes, I know where she's wanted. I'm all too familiar with this woman.”
“Well, we can't let her go because we know she's wanted. But we've had no official request for extradition and she's not wanted in this state. We're not even sure we're equipped to hold her, and extradition paperwork could take days.”
“Okay, that's your Catch-22. Is there anyone here from Immigration?”
“We are,” a woman said, indicating another man standing beside her.
“Is there any question of this woman being a US citizen, or any legal way to keep her out of the country?”
“No question of her citizenship. We're just here because we were called and the state tried to dump her on our lap.”
“Thank you. I think you can go also.”
Betty Director turned back to the state officers and bureaucrats. “Now, as I understand it, you were handed a bad pile of paperwork without sufficient warning. You're stuck because you don't have paperwork to send her elsewhere, aren't sure how or why to arrest her, and know you can't just turn her loose. Is that your problem?”
“Well, in terms of state code that --”
“I said, let's skip the legalese. Did I paraphrase the problem accurately or not?”
“I would say you summed it up pretty well. We're in a no win situation and don't appreciate someone else's screw-up being dumped on us.”
“If Shego were to get on the helicopter with me, right now, and be flown to Middleton would that provide you with an out?”
“Sure, but you can't extradite her without a court order, it's illegal.”
“Who mentioned extradition? I'm going to ask her to come with me. She will accept my invitation. Is there anything illegal there?”
“No, but she's wanted there. She's not going to agree to that.”
“May I ask her?” Betty Director turned to Shego, “Would you be so kind as to accompany me to Middleton? There are some state troopers there who would be ever so pleased to see you.” She turned to the state officials, “Does it appear to you that I've used threats to intimidate her?”
Shego wasn't going to make it easy, “Why, Dr. Director. That is ever so terribly nice of you to invite me. I would be delighted to accompany you on a little trip. But I want an apology from these rude people. They've kept me here for hours, and haven't even offered me a Diet Coke.
Shego carried her bag across the parking lot. Betty Director carried the cold six-pack. “You could have just said yes, you didn't need the theatricals.”
“I'm letting them off lightly. I had to listen to their crap for four hours before you got here,” Shego snarled.
“A personal apology from every one of them? I thought that one poor man was going to have an aneurysm. They were just trying to do what was right -- you could have given them a break.”
“And they could have offered me the Coke earlier.”
The pilot confirmed the safety check and refueling on the helicopter before they entered.
“Do I get any pilot time on this trip? I haven't been at the stick for months.”
“You and I are having a long talk. My compartment is almost soundproofed enough for a normal conversation. You can ask about air time when we're done and if I like your answers.”
“Okay, Shego, you know the first question. Why did the Canucks let you out? It was going to be a four year term at the minimum -- and don't give me any 'model prisoner' crap.”
“Would you believe I found someone to blackmail?”
“No, the only thing that makes sense is you providing someone with plausible deniability. Some government agency needed a job done that would look bad if the truth hit the newspaper. So they cut a deal with you, you do the job, and when it's over they reward you by kicking you out of the country.”
“You have a vivid imagination.”
“Thanks.” Betty ran down a list of recent news stories from Canada in her mind. “That big heroin bust in Toronto last week… Did you have anything to do with that?”
“Oh, I remember hearing that story. The Canadian narcs went in on an anonymous tip.”
“Yes, but how did the anonymous tipster know exactly where the drugs were hidden? And when the shipment was being made?”
“Disgruntled insider?”
“And maybe Iraq really had WMDs.”
“Just for the sake of argument, let's pretend I did help the Canadians catch some drug smugglers. What would be so wrong with that?”
“If the RCMP, or any law enforcement agency came to you, the question would have to be why? They would be asking you to break some law, go somewhere they couldn't without a warrant -- they would be violating the law themselves.”
“But if the bad guys get caught, the heroin isn't shipped over the border to the US or sold on the streets of Toronto, isn't justice served?”
“Don't call breaking the law justice. Your justice is tyranny.”
“How many times has Global Justice known who committed an act of terrorism -- you KNOW who did it. But you didn't have any hard evidence? Are you going to sit on your butts and forget about it?”
“If we don't have any evidence how can we KNOW? Maybe we're just going to pick on some creep we don't like. Most countries consider it illegal to round up suspects and torture them until they confess to something -- or leave them at a prison camp in Cuba for years and never charge them with a crime.”
“What if an illegal search turned up hard evidence? And I'm not talking planted evidence. Then you know that a crime was committed.”
“Let's begin with a question. What do you see as the purpose of the law?”
“To tell me I've committed a crime and how long they can keep me in jail.”
“I meant on a hypothetical level, but your answer works -- you see the purpose of law as punishment.”
“You don't?”
“How long has it been since you read the Bill of Rights? They represent the fundamental legal foundation of the US. The Founding Fathers weren't interested in laying out crimes and punishments. The Bill of Rights is a guarantee of individual freedoms -- the government will not be allowed to act in a capricious manner to strip you of your liberties.”
Shego snorted, “Yeah, and wasn't it the second president -- was that Addams? --who had a law passed saying it was treason to question the president? You want to look at the current administration, that wants to pass Constitutional amendments gutting freedom of speech and limiting the right of states to define marriage, instead of dealing with real issues like Iraq, the economy, and why the Vice-president's company has stolen ten billion from the US? Americans don't want their Bill of Rights, they want to live in a police state.”
“Don't sidetrack me. I won't play that game of going off into anecdotes. English Common Law may have grown from punishment of crime. The US Constitution has as its base the idea of protecting the rights and liberties of individual citizens. The Fathers thought that England had violated their liberties -- we could debate whether that was true, but we'll let it pass. Because they felt like England acted unfairly they laid the foundation for the country on a promise of freedom from things like unlawful search and seizure.”
“Wonderful theory, but you don't want to talk real situations. I asked, what if evidence comes up as the result of an illegal search?”
“The Supreme Court has already said you can't use it.”
“Let the guilty go free?”
“Tell the police they are hired to enforce the laws, not break them. They have to play by the rules too.”
“Oh, can we talk about Hobbes and Locke? I was reading them two months ago for a class.”
“You were taking classes?”
“Sure, it's not like there are a lot of other things to do in prison. And I did well too. Didn't you read reports on me or anything?”
“Shego, you were Canada's headache. My life doesn't revolve around you.”
“I'm hurt. But what you're saying sounds like Locke. People need governments to provide for society what individuals cannot provide for themselves -- a system of justice. And if the government fails to provide just and equitable laws it can not be viewed as legitimate.”
“Yes, that's Locke.”
“No, that's bullshit. Marx was closer. Laws are made by the rich and powerful to keep what they have and to make sure the poor don't try to get any.”
“You're all over the map, you know that. You just give me Marx and earlier you were giving me what sounded like some sort of conservative nonsense -- as long as you get the results you want it doesn't matter how you get them or who you hurt.”
“That's not conservative nonsense -- that's basic pragmatism. You do it if it works. I sort of like the old Utilitarian philosophy -- work for the greatest good for the greatest number of people.”
“And that's how you lived your life?”
“No, I'm a firm believer in looking out for number one.”
“And look where that got you.”
“Yeah, well, you've strayed into the rarefied air of philosophical unicorns, so I was telling you what color I liked mine.”
“The greatest good for the greatest number? Who determines the greatest good?”
“Ah, and that's why you don't find a lot of old Utilitarians anymore. I think their tea parties always ended in fist fights.”
Betty Director smiled and shook her head. “I would have guessed you only took classes as some sort of dodge to help you escape. It sounds like you were really trying to learn things.”
“So, can we drop the debate? You aren't going to convince me with your liberal nonsense.”
“Liberal nonsense? So believing in equal rights and fair treatment of all citizens is a liberal agenda? That should tell you something about yours. That's not liberal nonsense. That is a belief in the power of justice. If you just turn enforcement over to anyone with the power to do what they want, then God help us all. Perhaps I'm an idealist, but I like those words from the Pledge of Allegiance, 'With liberty and justice for all.'”
There was a long silence in the conversation as Betty Director tried to think of a good way to bring up a subject, but finally she just expressed her concern. “You know that Kim is pregnant.”
Shego just smiled.
“Everyone assumes Ron is the… Are you okay with this? You aren't going to hurt Kim, are you? You're accepting this?”
“I'm happy.”
“You're happy Kim is pregnant?”
“I'm selfish. I'm happy Kim is carrying the twins instead of me.”
“Why do I even try talking with you? The longer we talk the less sense you make. And it's going to be twins?”
Shego just kept smiling
“Last summer, while you were in Global Justice custody… What was the deal with the Jewish rabbi? Were you just yanking our chain or are you really thinking of converting?”
“Oh, I can answer that one! No.”
“Huh?”
“Jewish lineage on my mother's side. I'm already considered Jewish in most synagogues. It's kind of weird not being judged for who I am but accepted for who my great-grandparents were.”
“You're serious?”
“I'm serious about the fact I'm accepted as Jewish. I don't know if I'm serious about committing to it yet. I don't really know enough about what it means.”
About a half hour outside Middleton the two women sent the pilot back and took a turn at the controls. “Can I just land at Kim's?” Shego yelled over the sound of the motor.
“No, you can't. You're in Global Justice custody until we turn you over to the state.”
“You're not serious. You don't have your Cage -- it's sitting up in Canada -- and you know you can't hold me, and neither can the state. Why don't you save us all some time and just turn me loose now. I promise to come in when you have your cell set up.”
“I can't do that. I won't turn a wanted criminal loose.”
“You can just turn your back for a minute and let me escape from custody. Is that any different from not coming after me until you had your Cage prepared?”
“Yes, it is. First, I will have been a willing participant in your escape--”
“I could knock you out if you preferred,” Shego offered.
“And second, you would remain a wanted woman.”
“Like that's going to change.”
“As I look at the state charges I think bail is possible, if we can find a sympathetic judge and I give you a character reference.”
“Really?” Shego leaned back in her seat and smiled, this was vastly better than she had imagined.
“I just wish I knew if all your jail breaks would count for you, or against you.”
“I'm not sure what you mean.”
“If the judge thinks they indicate a flight risk you won't get bail. If we get one of your pragmatists the judge may see it as an indication they can't hold you anyway.”
“Can I at least call Kim?”
“How about you don't.”
“Why not?”
“Well, most important, I can't guarantee a judge will go along with me. I don't want to raise her hopes. Second, this is December twenty-third. By the time we get to Middleton it will be too late to find a judge today. I'll ask the Kemal's to put you up for the night, or I can get you a motel room. In the morning we can find a judge who will give you a hearing and let you post bail. That will mean you really are free to go out in public without getting arrested -- as long as you keep your nose clean. I think you'd like that better than looking over your shoulder constantly. And since that will be December twenty-fourth, Christmas Eve, you may just show up under Kim's tree.”
Shego laughed, “I can see myself in a ribbon with three strategically placed bows.”
“You might want to remember she has two brothers.”
“It would be more fun my way. One question, am I a gift from you or a gift from me?”
“You're a gift from yourself. I look forward to the day Global Justice can forget about you completely. And I'm not doing this for you; I'm doing it for Kim. She's got a chance to be our greatest field agent ever, and I don't want her to spend her time worrying about you.”
“Thanks, Betty, love you too.”
“Don't call me Betty.”