Kim Possible and related characters property of Disney and used without permission just for entertainment. No money is being made.
Based on Mystery Science Theatre 3000, property of Best Brains and used without permission. The Fan Fic Kim Possible was written by Sheng.Long and appears in this with Sheng’s permission.
The bridge of the Satellite of Kigo was quiet. On the central console was a laptop computer, painted in neon green and jet black swirls, currently switched on. Shego walked past the laptop, carrying a glass of iced lemonade and drinking from it. She glanced at her laptop and then started to walk past… and then did a classic spit-take. Lemonade splattered everywhere.
“Kim! Ron!” Shego yelled, putting her glass down on the console hard enough for lemonade to slosh over the sides of the glass.
“What is it, Shego?” asked Kim, coming in from where she had been cleaning up after the last invention exchange.
“What’s up?” asked Ron.
Shego pointed an accusatory finger at her laptop. “Someone’s been using my computer! Using my In-Terror-Net account!”
Kim blinked. “You took your laptop on a planned break-in to the Middleton Space Center?”
Shego frowned. “Doy, you think I’m going to leave my computer around where Dr. Drakken can get to it? The man has no idea of ‘right to privacy’.”
Ron blinked. “Wasn’t me, Shego. I was busy installing the Shower-Karaoke stall machine in my bedroom up here.”
“Yeah, and I was busy cleaning up the mess from the burst water pipes when Ron ‘uninstalled’ it from the bridge.” said Kim. “Maybe you just left your laptop turned on and forgot about it.”
Shego frowned. “Well, maybe. But I’m going to check the history file and if I find out someone’s been using it without my permission…”
An alarm sounded.
Kim said, “Check later, Shego… We’ve got fan-fic sign.”
The trio filed through the lobby, heading toward the movie theatre.
Rufus sighed in relief and hopped over to Shego’s lap top. His paws typing franticly, he quickly erased the history file of any record of Rufus’s activities online.
-6- -5- -4- -3- -2- -1-
Ron, Kim, and Shego took their normal places.
Revision Notes I fixed a minor error in the original, and now it works better.
Ron: “New, improved, lemon-scented crud!”
This chapter was surprisingly long, considering the length of some others. I had to change some lines to fit the fact I start the auction in Chapter Two, but hopefully it works.
Also, Kim, Shego, Ron, Sorry about the scare last chapter…
Shego: “The last chapter? This entire story scares me!”
Kim: “You? He kitsuned me.”
Ron: “Now, Kim, you know that verbing weirds language.”
I’ll see if I can’t request Yori gets sent up sometime in the future, I promise I am not someone evil.
Ron: “Planning to send an innocent girl up here, so four of us will be forced to read your stories? Sounds pretty evil to me.”
And Shego, You are too smart for your own good… You spoilt the surprise… Well, Kim may not be Japanese, but well… (evil laugh)… Not all kitsunes are Japanese…
Kim: -sings- “I think I’m turning Japanese…”
CHAPTER FOUR
THE END OF ONE LIFE…
Shego: “The author’s, preferably.”
“So, You’re not going to do anything?” Wade said, “Drakken’s doing his auction now, and we’re no closer to having something to pin on him!”
Kim: “What about my supposed murder? Doesn’t that count?”
“For a clearance sale?” Dr. Director said, “We’ll pounce on the participants after they use their ill-gotten gains…”
Ron: “Ill-gotten? What’s ill-gotten about buying things at an auction?”
Shego: “Everything.”
Ron: “Retail snob!”
“What’s this rumour about a unlisted item?” Wade said, “I checked the usual boards, as well as the In-Terror-Net, and there’s talk that Drakken hasn’t declared his biggest lot to even Jack Hench, and he’s hosting the auction! All I got was that he did some early bids, and that’s it.”
“I heard the same thing, Agent Load…” Dr. Director said, “Additionally, I heard that the top bid’s already set at 500 million dollars…”
Kim: “I’m worth HOW much?”
Ron: “Gee, I wonder how much I’d go for?”
Shego: “I’d trade you for a dog, Ron… and then shoot the dog.”
Wade whistled, surprised at the comment.
“That’s a lot of money for early bids… Anyway, Here’s a copy of the programme Jack Hench posted, so you can break it down…” Wade said, “I’m not totally out of the loop…”
Shego: “How did he get a copy of the auction program?”
Kim: “It seems SOMEONE signed Wade up for their mailing list.”
Ron: “I thought I was entering him in for a chance to win a tank, ok?”
“OK, Seize… Ignore… Seize… Seize… Totally ignore… Isn’t that Shego’s property?… Ignore…” She muttered, marking off various items, then came to the bottom.
“Final item – Special Lot – Viewings STRICTLY Only On Night Or By Appointment.” She read.
“I tried, through a spy, to get a appointment. The guy came back in a casket…” Wade said,
Kim: “Because Wade was too cheep to pay for a return airplane ticket.”
“Also, It’s too late to get in, Auction started 10 minutes ago.”
Ron: “Then what was the point of this conversation?”
Dr. Director cursed. She’d not managed to get the start time, and due to that, she’d missed her last chance to redeem Global Justice.
Shego: “Oh, believe me, Betty… you missed that a long time ago.”
“I hope that the special lot isn’t Kim’s missing corpse…” She said, “Or I’ll hunt down the top bidder and have them arrested on principle…”
Kim: “Finally, the author says something I agree with.”
Wade looked thoughtful.
Ron: “Either that, or constipated.”
Kim: “Ron!”
Ron: “What, only Shego gets to make jokes like that?”
“Give me a few days… I’ve got to check something…” Wade said.
Shego: “Two to one it’s a porn site.”
Kim: “Shego!”
“I’ll be outside the auction house… The instant Drakken comes out, He’s going down for Murder One… Everyone else will get arrested dependent on what they walk out with.”
Kim: “Or, you get a warrant and arrest him now!”
The auction went well, with Drakken raking in the money, Jack Hench quietly noting Shego bid on some items and threaten to castrate any opposing bidders on each one, luckily for Drakken winning back all her stuff, including her entire spare uniform collection…
Shego: “Now I’ve got to pay for my stuff back? I’ve got to get a better retirement plan.”
“So, Now for your big secret special lot…” Jack Hench said, looking very interested.
“Now, All of you heard recently that Kim Possible died by my hand… Admittedly, that might explain why Global Justice have the place surrounded…” Drakken said, “Anyway, I wish to correct that… DNAmy, If you will explain.”
Ron: “By this point, I don’t even think Albert Einstein and Stephen Harking could explain this story.”
“I loaned him the use of a genetic resequencer, which he used to shoot her, the video only showing the first few minutes of this attack… After that… This is so cute…” She said, then Drakken removed the top off a cage, revealing the piece d’resistance in his auction…
Kim: “And believe me, I’d be resisting being in this story.”
Shego: “But what a lovely piece! Grooowl!”
Ron: “Sheesh, and you two wonder why all the lesbian stories.”
“The blue fox formerly known as Kim Possible – The first three bids have already been made, starting the bidding at 500 million…” Drakken said. “How much?” DNAmy said, surprised, “Who bid 2 and a half times me?”
Ron: “Two and half times DNAmy? I hate new math.”
Kim: “Ron, you hate ALL math.”
“I did.” Shego said, noting that the cuddle-obsessed geneticist had already been outbid by Junior beforehand.
“550 million!” Junior said.
“600 million!” Dr. Dementor said, “I've been looking for a plaything for my dogs…”
“750 million!” DNAmy said, “That is not funny! She’s not a science experiment!”
Shego: “Oh, look… the author is trying to be ironic.”
Ron: “Did you say ironic or idiotic?”
The bids rose and rose, slowing down to 5 million dollar bids, until…
“1 billion dollars!” Shego said, before growling, “And NOT A DOLLAR MORE…”
“Anyone still got that much?” Jack Hench asked. Everyone but Shego shook their heads, although some who looked like they wanted to say they had were looking at Shego first, whose hands were glowing, dripping plasma due to the sheer power she’d stored in that.
Kim: “Huh, and you were worried about ME being house broken?”
“Sold to Shego for 1 billion dollars!” Drakken said, gulping slightly, “Come collect her… She'll need a name… Well, Her old one's a bit worthless…”
“I’ll call you Princess…” She said, getting out a blue collar, with the name already engraved on it, and putting it on her new pet, “Now, I have my payoff…”
Kim: “Princess?”
Shego: “Would you prefer bubble-butt?”
“What do you mean?” Drakken asked, confused. “I’m leaving the business… No doing someone's hero work,
Ron: “Hero work?”
Shego: -grumbles- “Yeah, this author makes me sound as dumb as you.”
Ron: “Oh yeah.” -pause- “HEY!” -glares at Shego-
No more long-term sidekick role… Just me and Princess…” She said, “Sure, I’ll stay on the In-Terror-net, but I’m done… officially… with doing sidekick work. Well, I now own the one thing that made my job fun… What else can I get out of this?”
Shego: “My one billion dollars back, for starters.”
Princess, as she was now known, was surprised. She knew one thing though… Part of the reason Shego quit was probably that she wouldn’t rest until she’d tamed her… and made her nemesis into her loyal pet in all ways…
All she noticed really at that point was Jack Hench pull her and Shego aside as the auction hall erupted into furious yells of anger…
Ron: -as angry auction go-er- “I have to be in this stupid fan-fiction?!? Let me talk to my agent!”
As they quietly left, The fox formerly known as Kim Possible watched Global Justice swarm the auction, arresting most of the participants. The last thing she heard was a radio message, as she drove off in a blacked out limo, one of a dozen that left that day…
Kim: “Wait a minute… if they’re arresting the participants, why aren’t they arresting Shego? How come their just letting Shego get away and take me along?”
Shego: “Picture you’re a government agent, working to earn your pension. Who would you rather arrest: A woman who plays with living stuffed toys, or a woman who hurls burning plasma?”
“Agent Load, Bad news… Shego took the mystery lot, and we’re not getting what it is from those we arrested…”
Ron: “Nobody gets me! I’m the wind, baby!”
“Damn…” She thought, “I’m on my way to becoming a pet to my arch-nemesis, and even Wade can’t help me…”
Shego: “Where’s your Wade now? -evil laugh-”
Once they were out of range, Shego removed her new pet's collar.
“So, You’ve got me…” ‘Princess’ said, scowling, “I hope you don’t mind if I leave…”
“In fact… I do…” Shego said, “You cost me a billion dollars of money I earned with personal work, Princess…”
Kim: “Earned or stole?”
Shego: “There’s a difference?”
“And you’ll earn it again… You are a criminal mastermind, after all…” came the flippant reply. Shego scowled, then reached into her pocket. 'Princess' stiffened.
“Driver… Stop by this location…” Shego said, as she handed the driver a card.
A short time later, they stopped, Shego examined Princess’s face for a short time, then got out, coming back a few minutes later with a muzzle, which she forced on her. A muffled ‘Bitch’ came from her lips.
Ron: “Who’s talking? Shego or Kim?”
Shego and Kim both point to each other. “Her!”
“Now, Princess… You can be as disobedient as you like… I almost want you to be just so I can punish you… but, like any other pet, Good behaviour has it’s own rewards… Now, Until you don’t insult me with every third word, The muzzle stays…” The car then drove on, slient again, Kim realizing that, for the first time, and probably not the last time, Shego had won…
Shego: “’For the first time’? That’s it, this author is SO toast!”
Ron: “Can we wait till we get back to Earth? Or at least till Yori comes here?”
Revision Note Welcome to the bonus chapter…
Kim: -sarcastically- “We are such lucky ducks.”
This is barely related to the plot, but is funny anyway.
Ron: “Funny ha-ha, or funny weird?”
Kim: “Nothing about this story is funny ha-ha.”
Anyway, Let’s log in, and see what happens.
NB – I have rescheduled this to occur after the previous part ended, so that I can keep up the New-Old balance.
Also, Drakken, NEXT TIME, PLEASE, Don’t just fling everything you’ve got including the scrap of paper marked ‘Incomplete bonus chapter’ at Kim, Shego and Ron. Sorry about that.
Shego: “Oh believe me, you are an EXTREMELY sorry writer.”
LOGIN Guest
PASSWORD ***********
WELCOME TO THE IN-TERROR-NET
USERS ONLINE –
GreenGal, EvilTwin, MonkeyKing. HoleInOne, StuntJunkie, Cuddles, FoxHunter, BigSpender, HenchMan (SysOp)
SUBJECT – After The Auction
Set by HenchMan on xx-xx-xxxx xx:xx
Ron: “Aw, man, why did they have to use Roman numerals for the time/date display?”
HenchMan: – Anyone worried about Drakken, Yes, He’s under arrest…
Global Justice has seized his assets, and the sole benefactors are planned to be…
Shego: “Dr. Drakken’s law team.”
BigSpender: – Do tell…
Ron: “Don’t!”
HenchMan: – Since Gemini is online, He can explain… He let me know…
EvilTwin: – I’ll quote my sister’s new agent, Mr. Load, who made the arrangement… ‘Team Possible will be using the money for mundane funding needs, but if Kim Possible turns up alive tomorrow, it all defaults to her.’
* GreenGal is shocked.
GreenGal: – It’s ALL my pet’s money?!?
HenchMan: – All she’d need to do is claim it.
Kim: “I claim this money in the name of Spain!”
[AoiKitsune has connected]
AoiKitsune: – Spill… What’s the sitch?
GreenGal: - Might as well tell her…
HenchMan: – You, Princess, have every penny of Drakken’s money…
All you need to do is come back from the dead.
[AoiKitsune has disconnected – Reason: Fainted]
GreenGal: - And that’s the truth. I found her at one of the secondary terminals, out cold. I’m putting the world’s latest future billionaire to bed.
Shego: “No lesbian comments, Ron.”
Ron: “No need to… that line says it all.”
[GreenGal has disconnected]
Cuddles: – I definitely want that cuddly fox now!
FoxHunter: – She’s rich and beautiful… Kimberly Anne Senior…
BigSpender: – We’ll be the richest crime family in history!
Kim: “Ok, now I’m getting even MORE freaked out.”
[GreenGal has connected]
[HackerXL has connected]
* GreenGal just checked the history. Bad Seniors and DNAmy.
Shego: “Bad villains! No cookie!”
StuntJunkie: – So, Where’s the fox sleeping? In your bed, or aren’t you ready for that yet?
GreenGal: – She has a pet bed in the kitchen. She’s not sleeping next to me ever.
Ron: “We all know that if you two shared a bed, neither would be sleeping…”
Shego: -growls-
Ron: -hastily- “Because you’d be fighting! Big fight, no lesbian undertones at all!”
MonkeyKing: – Care to make a wager on that… Hench, Do you have the final value of all the bids in the auction?
HenchMan: = Yup. I’m sure Gemini can work out the particulars…
MonkeyKing: – Seniors, Gemini, Hench, Here’s my idea… We equal Kim’s own fortune from our own pockets, and IF Shego fails, We double Kim’s money. If she succeeds, SHE gets the money.
Shego: “Succeed at what, going around the world in eighty days?”
GreenGal: – So, if I do defeat Kim Possible, and turn her into a docile pet, I get showered with money… While if she manages to make me, ugh, care for her and I go soft on her, She becomes the richest fox in history.
Kim: “Exactly how many rich foxes have there been in history? It can NOT be a big field.”
[HackerXL has disconnected]
BigSpender: – You don’t have to decide now…
StuntJunkie: – We could just give Kim the money and leave it at that.
* GreenGal decides AdrenaLynn needs a new green plasma makeover.
HenchMan: – Calm down…
StuntJunkie: – I know exactly why she paid a billion for the fox… She’s likes Kimmie… Well, Rumour has it that she was seen at a very exclusive boutique buying a little black number that was sized for someone Kim’s age group…
Ron: “Today’s Sesame Street brought to you by the letter S and a little black number.”
[GreenGal has disconnected]
HenchMan: – You did remember to encrypt your address details?
[StuntJunkie has disconnected – REASON: Moving home… quickly]
Shego: “Nice try. You can run, but you can’t hide!”
[GreenGal has connected]
GreenGal: - Yes, I did buy something from a boutique, and it was similar to DNAmy buying a silk unitard and SSJ buying out everything blue in Kim’s sizes from a megastore… We all have plans for when she doesn’t need restraining to get our way.
* FoxHunter whistles innocently.
Kim: “Junior? Restraining me? Totally sick wrong!”
Shego: “Yeah, it should be Junior and Ron.”
Ron: “HEY!”
Cuddles:: OK, We’ve all made a effort to please her, so let’s drop it… until Shego’s had some time to break her…
[Cuddles has disconnected]
[FoxHunter has disconnected]
[GreenGal has disconnected]
[Guest has disconnected]
Shego: “Shego has disconnected… the author’s head from his body.”
END OF TRANSCRIPT
NAMES AND WHO THEY ARE –
Ron: “It’s blindingly obvious theatre!”
HenchMan: – Jack Hench
EvilTwin: – Gemini
Kim: “Hold it… The reason Gemini hates Betty is she won’t respect him for being Betty’s older brother. Why would he admit to being a twin in his userID?”
Shego: “Kim… you’ve read this story this far, and you’re still expecting logic?”
Ron: “She’s right, Kim… it’s like looking for a stack of hay in a needle.”
GreenGal: – Shego
AoiKitsune: – Kim Possible
MonkeyKing: – Monty Fisk
HoleInOne: – Duff Killigan
StuntJunkie: – AdrenaLynn
Cuddles: – DNAmy
BigSpender: – Triple-S, a.k.a Senior Senior Senior
FoxHunter: – SSJ, a.k.a Senior Senior Junior
HackerXL: - ??? (Although, it should be obvious)
Shego: “And, if HackerXL wants to make it to puberty, he’d better not send us any fics.”
Mystery Kimmy Theatre 3000
Episode Three, Part Four
Story: Kim Possible, Blue Fox by Sheng.Long Riffs and Host-Segments by Nodrog(s)
Kim Possible and related characters property of Disney and used without permission just for entertainment. No money is being made.
Based on Mystery Science Theatre 3000, property of Best Brains and used without permission.
The Fan Fic Kim Possible was written by Sheng.Long and appears in this with Sheng’s permission.
TUNNEL_MASTER: The Satellite of Kigo’s defenses are extremely complex… both physical and electronic. Even using Shego’s laptop with its In-Terror-Net modem, it took me awhile to establish a communication link to you.
HACKERXL: I understand. I’m having trouble also, you know. I’m trying to track down Dr. Drakken’s hacking signal and work on your project at the same time. Plus, there‘s the fact that it‘s a SECRET ninja school. I’m not even sure if they do have computers.
TUNNEL_MASTER: Look, just do what you can and…. Uh-oh, they’re coming back.
* TUNNEL_MASTER has logged off.
Shego walked onto the bridge of the Sattelite of Kigo, placing a hand on her laptop. She growled.
“What’s wrong now?” said Kim. “You know we’ve only got a few minutes before the story resumes.”
“Yeah.” said Ron. “I’m going to get a drink.”
“Someone’s been using my lap-top! It’s warm!” snarled Shego.
“You probably just left it turned on.” said Kim. “Don’t worry about it.”
“It shuts down automatically after a few minutes when not in use, to conserve battery life.” snapped Shego.
“Uh-oh…” squeaked Rufus softly.
The alarm began to beep.
“You can find up what’s wrong later, we got story alarm!” yelled Ron, a can of soda in one hand.
“Told you we didn’t have long.” said Kim. “I guess Dr. D figured out we snuck out.”
-6- -5- -4- -3- -2- -1-
Notes
To the readers in the Satellite Of KIGO, The molerat was on your computer, so blame him.
Shego: -snarling- “RUFUS!”
Kim: “Wait a minute… how would a story author know what’s going on up here?”
Ron: -turns around to look at where the projection booth is, and tentatively waves a hand.- “Hello? Can anyone see me?”
Secondly, Yes, HackerXL was Wade Load, and I suspect you’ll be checking if he really does have a In-Terror-Net account shortly.
Kim: “Believe me, Wade has the entire world wired.”
Revision Notes
I fouled up Wade's character in the original version, so I've tried to rewrite the offending dialogue. Of course, some people, namely Kim Possible, Shego and Ron Stoppable, will never be happy…
Shego: “As long as we’re forced to read drivel like this? You betcha we won‘t!”
CHAPTER FIVE
THE BEGINNING OF A NEW ONE…
All: “NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!”
Kim watched as they left Middleton, on their way to her new home. Shego then removed her muzzle, and looked at her. “So, What’s the sitch?” She asked, lazily.
Kim: “I’ve been declared dead and bought by my arch enemy, for some sick and twisted purpose! What do I think the @#$@ing sitch is?”
Shego: “Awww, is the fic getting to you, Kimmy?”
Kim: -growls- “Just you watch… I’m sure my dad can find one of those Shego-Pet fics.”
“First… Anything I say goes. Second, No contacting Team Possible or Global Justice. Third, No going into Middleton or Go City except on a leash. Fourth, No calling any of your friends. Also, NEVER say ‘sitch’ in public. It’s ‘situation’… For obvious reasons.” Shego said.
Ron: “Sheash, since when is Shego a grammer nazi?”
“Let me guess… Very few people say ‘sitch’?” Kim said.
Kim: “That’s the point. Monique does acronyms, Shego says ‘Doy’, and I say ‘Sitch’.”
“Not that got Blue Fox on their Animology exam.” Shego said,
Ron: “She’s got a point, KP. Using shortened forms of words is more of a pink sloth thing.”
Shego: “You know, according to the new Animology book, yellow trouts are supposed to date pink sloths instead of blue foxes.”
Ron: -screams-
Kim: “Shego! Be nice!”
“Anyway, We’re here…”
The limousine pulled into the driveway of a modest sized mansion, Kim looking puzzled.
Kim: -puzzled- “How can a mansion be modest? They say ‘I’m rich and I live here’. They’re more about ‘bling bling‘ than ‘modest‘.”
“Got it long before I started working with Drakken. No-one really knows where it is…” She said, muttering something barely audible that Kim was able to make out the word Go in at least five times, that she guessed had something to do with Shego’s family…
Shego -as Shego in the story- “Sinking all my money in Go-Bots and Go-Go boots? What was I thinking? Go soak your head, Shego, untill you go get some sense in it!”
Kim: -as Kim in the story- “This must have something to do with Shego’s family!”
“So, What was the big secret on your auction sheet?” Wade asked Drakken.
“I cannot tell you… Buyer-Seller agreement.” Drakken said. The tape was then turned off.
“Does it have anything to do with the fact I reviewed the tapes, and know the ‘death ray’ is not what it seems?” Wade said, “This is strictly between us.”
Ron: -as Wade- “Strictly between us guys.”
Shego: “So, that would leave you out of it, Stoppable?” Kim:-gasps- “Shego!”
Drakken slid a photocopy of some documents over to Wade, who looked over them, smiling. Here was the missing piece of the puzzle, but…
“Well… This is interesting…” Wade said, then, taking out a lighter, set fire to the photocopies, “And as far as I am concerned, The evidence doesn’t exist…”
Kim: -gasps- “Wade!”
“What do you mean?” Drakken said, confused by the fact Wade was causing the investigation to be for nothing.
Ron: “Confused?”
Kim: -nods- “Oh yeah.”
Ron: “Good. I thought it might just me be.”
“I like my new job, Mr. Lipsky… Access to computer servers that normally I’d face jail time for even sniffing about in… The latest tools… Anyway, If I was shown to have missed the ball this bad, I’d probably end up with my computer under surveillance for until I’m 18, out of a job and disallowed from even recoding open-source…” Wade said, then turned the tape on, showing some flash cards.
Shego: -as Drakken/Mr. Lipsky- “18! The Battle of Waterloo! George Washington!”
Ron: -as Wade- “Um, actually it’s a drawing of a fish.”
“Now, Tell me…” Wade said, suddenly sounding angrier, as if the pause had been for something other than what it was for, while showing a flash card ‘Think of something tacky, and it’s not the death sentence.’
Kim: “Hold it… Wade’s covering up my abduction, letting my parents and Ron think I’m dead, just to keep a job?”
Ron: “Kim… it’s just a story. You really should just relax.”
Shego: “For… more of this horrible story, I’m afraid.”
“OK, I’ll talk… It was a replica diorama display of Kim’s final defeat. The only reason it sold so highly was that everyone wanted the damn thing…” Drakken smoothly, but convincingly, lied.
Ron: “You’ve got to give him credit… that’s definitely tacky.”
“Fine, Mr. Lipsky. At least it was a replica.” Wade said,
“What happened to the body?”
“Shego torched it.” Drew lied, thinking fast, “She wanted to see Kim burn…”
Ron: -singing- “Burn, baby, burn… Disco infer… -mmmppph-”
Shego: -with a hand over Ron’s mouth- “No. In fact, HELL no. No disco singing.”
“That’s fine… Can’t charge you with anything new…” Wade said, while inwardly snickering at how plausible the second lie was,
Kim: “Trust me, Wade… there’s a lot of things in this fic to snicker at. The idea of Shego torching my body isn’t one of them.”
“Lucky you did retire… We can convict… but you’ll not get the death sentence… Without a body, it’s just life imprisonment.”
Ron: “What?” -starts counting on his fingers- “They’ve got a confession, he tells them how he supposedly got rid of the body, a past history of homicidal attempts so he can’t even claim it wasn’t premeditated…”
Shego: “Ah, yes… The American Legal System. The finest justice money can buy.”
Drew nodded. He’d get life for Kim’s ‘murder’… but at least he still had one.
Kim walked into the house, noting the green deep pile shag carpets, the almost-black wooden fixtures and the pastel green walls as she did.
Kim: -rolls her eyes and says sarcastically- “Oh, gee… who’s lair could this possibly be?”
“You won’t be able to hide too easily in this house… There are predominantly green rooms, and there are predominantly black rooms… Well, OK, The kitchen’s predominantly white with some green… but no blue rooms.” She said.
Ron: -sarcastic- “No one will be allowed in during the dramatic ‘How Shego decorated her mansion’ scene.”
Shego: “Just be glad he skipped the description on the dungeon. I don’t even want to THINK how the author envisioned that to look.”
“What makes you think I’ll try hiding?” Kim said, testing her footing on the carpeting.
“Let me think… I’m your owner, but you’d rather it was Ron or Monique…
Kim: “Ewwww, no! Well, Monique maybe, but Ron? Major weird-sick!”
Ron: -sighs- “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. No wonder all these authors think you and Shego are lesbians!”
You’re a good distance away from anyone who can defend you… And none of your supporters live within 100 kilometres of the house.” Shego said, smugly. Kim grinned, and sprung forward to try to land a kick on Shego’s temple. Shego blocked it, smiling.
“Oh, Old school…” Shego smirked, lighting up, and started to fight back, “One last fight then…”
Shego: “Twenty bucks on me.”
Ron sighed, as the Yamanouchi clan sat down to a meal.
Ron: -sigh- “Rice again? And hey, waiter! This fish is undercooked!”
Kim: “It’s called Sushi, Ron.”
Ron: “Darn right I’m going to sue, if I get sick after eating undercooked fish!”
“Yori?” Ron asked, “Would you like to return with me… when I go back to Middleton?”
“Do you have a good rea…” Yori began, but Ron was ready for it, and planted a kiss on her cheek, while getting out a engagement ring. She amended her previous comment with ‘I’d be happy to,” as her cheeks reddened…
Shego: “So, I take it this ‘Yori’ is brain damaged in some way?”
Kim: “Shego!!!”
Ron: “No! Yori is extremely talented and smart. She’s good at kung fu and stuff. Even better then Kim.”
Kim: “Ron!”
Ron: “I mean, just as good. Er, I mean, just as good at some stuff as KP. But Kim is a lot better at other things.”
Shego: -rolls her eyes- “Ron, Kim has you SOOOO whipped.”
Kim: “Shego!”
Ron: “She does not! Unless she says she does, in which case she does, but…”
Kim: “Ron!”
Ron: “I’ll just be shutting up now.”
Senior Senior Senior looked at his son, who was, for once, actually training. When he noticed that crude paintings of Shego were on the targets he was beating up on, He corrected the assumption.
Shego: “He’s actually being an art critic.”
“Junior… The papers are in. Shego owns Princess.” Senior said.
“I will be her… prince!” Junior grunted, smashing the ‘head’ of one of the targets.
“Junior, Junior… She’s unable to be found!” Senior said, “Why waste precious time learning to be evil on a vendetta?”
Ron: “Yeah, he should have learned to be evil while on a scholarship.”
“Rule 42.” Junior said.
Shego: “Well, I decided it was more like a guideline.”
“Damn… He’s right…” Senior said, thinking back to the rulebook… ‘Rule 42 – A vendetta against your enemy should be cultivated, not ignored.’
Ron: “What is a vendetta, anyway?”
Shego: “Oh no… The author got upset when I explained what a kitsune is, I’m not going to explain that one.”
Kim: “It’s a mission or quest for revenge, Ron.”
DNAmy looked at the empty pedestal, and sighed. “Damn that woman… The perfect little cuddle buddy to complete my collection, and it goes to live with that evil, evil sidekick of his.” She said in a sing-song voice, “He’d better savour his time in prison, because he’s going to pay…”
Ron: “And D.N.Amy doesn’t take American Express.”
She then left the glass-walled chamber, locking it again. “Princess, You will become my prize… At least Shego will make sure you won’t try running off…”
Kim: “Watch me.”
Wade looked out of his office window.
“Where are you, Shego?” He muttered, “Nothing’s coming up on any of my sources, or any of Global Justice’s, and that doesn’t happen often.”
His computer then beeped.
“Possible location found – Mansion, belonging to Sheila Gordon.” It declared, displaying a copy of the deed.
Shego: -shakes her fist at the computer in the story- “Tattle tale!”
“Forgot that the Go family use aliases now…” Wade said, “Save search result in encrypted drive, and erase all records of search using Protocol Wade-1-Alpha.”
Ron: “Wait a minute, the mansion is supposedly a family property, but Wade only thinks the Go Family uses aliases NOW?”
Kim: “Maybe Go is an alias, and their family name is Gordon.”
Shego: “Ha, I’m not going to tell.”
“Affirmative.” The computer replied. Wade then picked up his phone, dialling a internal line.
“Director, The is Wade. We’ve located Kim Possible.” He said, “However, I want a Umbra Level Security lockout on the fact… I know what that means… Betty, She’s officially dead. We’d be the laughing stock of the espionage business… OK, I’ll be there with the information shortly.”
Kim: “So, they care more about their reputation then about saving someone who’s helped them on more then one occasion or in finding out the truth?”
Shego: “Kim, they’re a government agency. So far, that’s the only thing in the story that’s actually been in character!”
Wade then smiled. Even after Drakken pulled the biggest con in history, He’d come through for Kim…
Kim: “Not yet you haven’t!”
Revision Note
If you are named Kim Possible, or hate to see Kim Possible treated with utmost cruelty, please consider leaving now.
Kim and Ron: -stand up, going to leave-
Shego: -remains in her seat-
If you are named Shego, or adore seeing Kim Possible suffer, Enjoy.
Shego: “Thanks. Since you wrote it, I doubt I will. But I’ll certainly going to try!”
If you are named Ron Stoppable, Try seeing if you can call Yori on the bridge comm screen.
Kim: -comes back and sits down-
Shego: “Door wouldn’t open?”
Kim: “Yup… Dr. Drakken still has them locked.”
Ron: -pounding on the doors- “Yori!”
CHAPTER SIX
THE BREAKING OF KIM POSSIBLE Part 1
Kim: “Exactly what part of me is ‘part 1’, and how is it going to be breaking?”
Shego looked at her new pet, thinking about how, for the first time in months, she had Kim Possible right where she wanted her. The law couldn’t really touch her, since the rules that protected the teen heroine no longer applied to her, and, as long as she didn’t get a visit from Animal Cruelty, She was unmonitored.
Shego: -blows a whistle- “Five yard penalty for excessive use of pronouns.”
That night, as Kim slept in her pet bed, Shego carefully stripped off the pyjamas that she was wearing, then took out some other items and began to go to work…
Ron: -sighs and comes back to his seat-
Kim: “Look, you can try calling Yori after the end of this chapter.”
Shego: “Yeah… look, what could the author possibly have to do with you contacting this ‘Yori’, anyway?”
Kim woke up to find she was having problems stretching. Her barely-awake mind tried to figure out what was going on, as she pulled against restraints that had not been there before. She opened her eyes, to find she couldn’t see, and something else held her mouth firmly shut.
Ron: “Having a flash back to when you had braces and that big piece of taffy right before going to bed, Kim?”
Kim: “My second most embarrassing ride to the orthodontist ever.”
“What’s up? A bit tied up?” Shego said, and then a foot connected with Kim’s back, sending her sliding off the bed. Another kick impacted against her head, jarring her awake, allowing her to smell the leather and feel it holding her in place, solving the mystery of the restraints…
Shego looked at the leather wrapped fox, smirking.
“No more fighting back, Princess…” She mouthed, kicking her twice more, to get a slight whine from the captive animal, then went to do herself some breakfast.
Shego: “Oh, come on! The whole fun in fighting Kim comes from her fighting back! Tying her up and then beating her is no fun! If I have Kim tied up, I want to… um…”
Ron: “See? This is exactly why all the authors think you two are lesbians!”
Shego: -growls- “Shut up, Ron!”
Her terminal then beeped.
“GreenGal, You’ve got Evil Mail…” It chirped cheerfully. “I hope this isn’t another spam message from Bill Gates… He may be the most evil man in his territory, but his mail shots are annoying…” She grumbled.
Kim: “Mail Shots? What next, Disk-Drive-by shootings?”
‘Dear Shego,
How’s the new pet doing? Hopefully you’ll be able to show her docile little self off at the next Evil Expo… I’d like to be able to present you with the money there…
From,
Jack Hench, HenchCo.’ The first mail said.
Ron: “Huh, so you signed up to win a tank too?”
Shego: “Of course not! -pause- Dr. Drakken signed me up to win a tank.”
‘Dear AoiKitsune,
Drakken gone down. Official word is you’re dead. Unofficial has you alive but out of action. I’ve got you classified Umbra Clearance Only, so don’t expect any official help. HackerXL.’ The second mail read.
Kim: -sarcastically- “Oh, gee thanks.”
Shego smiled at the first one, but growled at the second. “There’s only one person who could do that kind of stuff…” She said, then got out her phone, “HENCH! We’ve got a mole in the In-Terror-Net…
Ron: “Please! Naked mole rat!”
Shego: “Flambéed Mole Rat, if he’s really been messing with my lap top.”
Cancel HackerXL’s account… It’s Wade Load’s.”
She hung it up, scowling, and went back to Princess, and kicked her savagely.
“I bet you knew Wade was on the In-Terror-Net… There won’t be any messages going that way any more…” She said, not caring about the fact her fox was obviously in pain.
Kim: -moans in pain- “No! Trapped in this horrible story! Oh, and I think someone may have kicked me.”
Wade scowled as he went to login to the In-Terror-Net to get a ‘Username Not Valid’ message.
“Damn… Gambled too much.” He said, then looked at Dr. Director.
Ron: -as Wade- “You know, in this light, you’re kind of cute.”
“So, What’s the situation?” Dr. Director said.
“I blew our line into the In-Terror-Net, but I do have Kim’s password, so I can look over her logs…” He said. “On the subject of Kim… Well, Let’s just say her joke username on that server is no longer a joke.”
“What do you mean?” Dr. Director said.
Shego: -as Wade- “Her username isn’t a joke anymore. The joke’s on her. No joke is her user name any more. Joke username her no joke longer is a.”
“The final lot… One blue kitsune, Single-tailed, Name – Kimberly Ann Possible.” He said. “Oh.” Dr. Director said, “And…”
Ron: -as Wade- “Sega is planning to sue, saying only they get to have a blue creature and a kitsune in the same story.”
“I found papers for a pet fox, named Princess, registered under Shego’s secret identity… The vet’s reports are from a particularly seedy doctor, but they are valid… Thanks to Middleton’s pet laws, Shego owns Kim Possible, and we can’t touch her… I’ve got animal cruelty informed, but only since I have ‘information on Shego owning a new pet’…” He said.
Shego: “Wow, I can be so much more evil by acting within the law! Who knew?”
Ron: “Middleton pet laws. They’re a cornucopia of disturbing concepts.”
Kim groaned as Shego removed the leather, throwing it aside. She then looked at the maid’s uniform that Shego pushed into her hands.
Kim: “Nice apron, Shego.”
“You clean, or you help me train… I’ve been needing a target that reacts realistically to my attacks for a long time.” She said.
Shego: -as Shego in the story- “All Dr. D’s goons ever do is curl up and cry ‘Please don’t hurt me’. Which, actually, is pretty realistic practice for fighting Ron.”
Ron: “Hey!”
“That why you didn’t do that to Drakken?” Kim asked. Shego scowled.
Shego: “He curls up and sucks his thumb.”
Dr. Drakken: -over theatre PA system- “I do not!”
Shego: -lights fists and growls-
Dr. Drakken: -over PA System- “Mommy!” -sound of thumb sucking-
“Just put the uniform on and get cleaning…” Shego snapped, then went up to her room to get some sleep.
Kim: -grumbles- “Two to one Shego snores.”
Shego: “Want to find out, pumpkin?”
Ron: “See? See? This is why the authors think you two are les…”
Kim and Shego: -snarling- “Shut up, Ron!”
She was woke up to the smell of passable cooking.
“What the?” She wondered. She went down to see Kim putting out a delicious looking Spaghetti Bolognese, while holding a plate of chicken sandwiches.
Kim: “I was cooking?!? And it smells passable?”
Ron: “Ok, this is now *THE* most out-of-character part of this story so far.”
“Eat up. It’s not going to kill you…” Kim said, then disappeared into the kitchen.
Ron: “Fair warning: If Kim cooked that, I can not gurantee that it won’t kill you.”
Kim: “Ron! I passed Home Economics! -pause- Ok, with your help, but I still passed!”
Shego noted three things straight off. The room was well cleaned, the leather that she’d bound Kim with was no longer strewn on the floor and she could see the television and video remotes in a easy to find place.
Shego: “Ok, this story has OFFICIALLY entered the Twilight Zone.”
“Trying to make me feel sorry about kicking you round the floor earlier?” She asked, as Kim returned, eating one of the sandwiches.
“No. You told me to clean. I noticed it was time for your evening meal, so I did you something.” She said, “I don’t have to do anything to make you feel sorry…”
Shego: -points at Kim in the story- “I know what you’re trying to do! You’re trying to confuse me to death! Well it won’t work, you hear me? It won’t work!”
Kim: “Either the me of this story is some sort of masochist, or this is the start of an ingenious plan to lure Shego into dropping her guard.”
Ron: “Kim, when have we seen ANYTHING about this story that qualified as any possible type of genius?”
Shego looked puzzled as the foxgirl went back to her chores, wondering quite what she meant…
All: “THAT’S WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW!!!”
Ron: “Quick! To the bridge to contact Yori!”