My fucking cousin is a fucking ass. I mean, I’m used to putting up with all kinds of asses thanks to my damn family, but she’s something special and I don’t mean that in a good way. I don’t know how my aunt fucked this kid up that badly, but she is seriously fucked up in the head and I just can’t take her. And if she calls me by that goddamn name again I’m not going to be responsible for my fucking actions.
It had been decided, Shego would kill her cousin and Doctor Director would be her alibi. Her cousin was in their work space and neither of them enjoyed that fact, which was why they decided to slaughter the girl. The cousin was not helping matters by calling Shego by her real name in the area that the pale woman worked. Shego stormed over to Lynn, her bubble-headed cousin, who had a television show of some kind that Shego never bothered to watch.
“Listen, if you ever call me that again, not just to my face, not just in public, but in general, I will tear your tongue out of your head, paint my walls with it, break every bone in your body, and send you back to your mother in a damn box. You may or may not live through it,” Shego promised Lynn.
“But, it’s your name,” the blonde argued.
“Never mind that shit. Don’t call me that or any other variation of my name, including my whole name. Now, what the fuck are you even doing here?” the green-skinned woman demanded to know.
“I had an idea. I figured for my stunt here in Go City, I should join you on an assignment. Isn’t that a great idea? Two daredevil cousins fighting crime together? It’s freaky!” Lynn proposed.
Shego looked offended that her cousin would even think of something like that, let alone have the nerve to say it out loud. It did not help that she was doing that annoying “freaky” thing. Before Shego could tell her relative where to go and what to do when she got there, her so-called friend spoke up.
“Brilliant!” Doctor Director agreed with the plan.
“Oh, you wicked, evil, twisted, demented bitch,” Shego grumbled, speaking to her chief. She should have known that Betty would like that stupid idea. She should have run when she had the chance.
“It’s a fantastic idea. We could always use more funds and this would undoubtedly help as a great promotion. I hear that plenty of morons watch her show, especially here. It’s just brilliant,” the one-eyed woman declared.
“Come here,” Shego said and she grabbed her boss; she was starting to doubt their friendship. She pulled the brown-haired woman off to the side, away from Lynn. “Are you completely, totally fucking nuts?” the moss-hued officer demanded to know.
“We need money and this is a great promotion for the department,” Betty pointed out.
“Why is it every time you need money, you start acting like I’m your bitch to put on the corner?” the pale woman inquired.
“Because you always have good connections. Nobody told you to be born the damn daughter of Isabel Gooding. Look, you do this and you get more days as usual and you get your pick of any assignments that you want,” the onyx-eyed chief replied.
“You want me to spend a day with that thing and you’re only offering me some shitty days and my pick,” the younger woman argued while pointing over to her cousin. Betty knew that Lynn was not the average annoyance, so she was going to have to sweeten that deal.
“I can see your point,” the woman in charge muttered. She might have to pay Shego to spend the day with Lynn and she doubted that there was an amount of money that would make the pale woman agree with the things.
Doctor Director tried to think of some way to make up for forcing her friend to spend the day with Lynn. She recalled the blonde pest that she had thankfully not seen in years. She remembered how irksome the blonde was when they were growing up. Lynn was younger than she and Shego were, but she always wanted to be in their mix, messing the mix up as far as they were concerned. It would not have been so bad if she could hang out with them like they hung out with each other, taking shots at each other, verbally and physically. Lynn just was not like that, though. She was a wannabe, a very bothersome wannabe. She would cry or whine or something like that whenever they tried to treat her the way that they treated each other.
“Look, we both know all I have are days, picks, and leeway. It’s not like you ask for personal favors very often,” Betty stated. She really did not have anything else to give her employee while forcing her to fate worse than death.
“When was the last time we really wanted to ask the other for a favor?” Shego pointed out.
“Right. So, what can I give you aside for a shit load of days and picks to make you do this?” Betty countered.
“You can pull my brain out through my fucking nose,” the super-powered woman answered while glancing over at her cousin.
“Not during office hours,” the boss remarked.
“You’re breaking my balls, Bets,” Shego groaned while pinching the bridge of her nose. She could not take working for her friend sometimes.
“It’s my hobby if you haven’t noticed. We need some money,” Doctor Director informed her friend in a pleading tone.
“We always need money,” the unsympathetic Shego commented.
“No shit. Just do it,” Betty ordered now.
“You’re pissing me off,” the pale woman stated quite seriously.
“As always. Go ahead and have fun with your little cousin,” the one-eyed female said, teasing with her words and expression.
“That’s why Will is gay,” Shego retorted. She could not think of anything better to say at the moment.
“And you’re an asshole,” Betty countered.
Shego frowned as she found herself trapped with her cousin. She silently prayed to be struck by lightning, but it seemed that no merciful deity was paying her any mind. She tried her best to block out Lynn and plot where she could dump a body; she was considering some place with water for several reasons. Her cousin coming equipped with a cameraman was not helping because that made him a witness. Lynn not knowing when to shut up also was definitely not helping because that just made her cousin want to destroy her all the more.
The moss-hued officer was chasing after a pair of jewelry store robbers while her cousin was talking into the camera; Lynn was going on about how she, the daring, great Adrena-Lynn, along with her intrepid cousin were about to take down some criminals. Really, all the blonde as doing was annoying the hell out of her relative and making it harder to go after the thieves because Shego just wanted to turn out and punch her cousin right in the mouth. And then the super-powered woman noticed something else irksome, a familiar looking redhead was a little ahead of her. She really wondered what divine being she pissed off to be having the day that she was having.
“Oh, damn it. Pumpkin!” Shego snarled loud enough for her pet to hear her. Kim slowed down some to allow her mistress the chance to catch up.
“Hey!” Kim grinned when her master was next to her.
“What the hell do you thinking doing?” the green-skinned female demanded to know.
“I got called in,” the redhead answered proudly. It was so rare that she was called to help in Go City and she was happy to be of assistance.
“Don’t interfere,” Shego commanded. She already had a cousin that was probably going to get in the way; she did not need her pet around for her to worry about.
“But, I got called!” Kim whined.
“Stay here and don’t get the way,” the emerald-eyed female ordered and her pet pouted.
“Yeah, don’t get in the way,” Lynn concurred. She was running a bit behind them, but she could hear the pair talking.
“And you stop talking,” Shego told her cousin.
Kim continued to pout, but she did halt her pursuit of the two infamous robbers. She stopped in front of a building that had some marble steps outside and she parked herself in the steps while her mistress went after to engage the masked criminals. They were known as Pain King and Steel Toe; she did not know where they got those names from, but they should give them back in her opinion. They were very large fellows and seemed to intimidate people mostly during their crimes rather use violence.
Shego fired a plasma blast at the unlawful duo, which got their attention, even though the blast did not connect. They turned to her and she was about to attack them, but her cousin jumped in the way. Steel Toe, who seemed to be wearing his namesake, kicked the blonde right into her cousin with his metallic boot. Both cousins grunted in surprise as they flew back further than they had anticipated and then their flight was interrupted by a wall. They dented the wall and crashed to the pavement. Apparently, all of that muscle was not for show.
“Shego!” Kim called out, hoping that her owner was all right, even though she knew that the pale woman could take a lot more punishment than that.
“Damn it,” the officer groaned and then she coughed in a pain.
Kim noticed that her mistress was all right, but the thieves were getting away. The redhead went after them if only to hold them up until her owner was on her feet again. She leaped into action and made it ahead of the two giants with ease. She engaged them in a fight to keep them from getting away. She only planned to be defensive, which she was. She dipped, dodged, and ducked all of their attacks with ease. Big guys were just too easy most of the time, she thought; they were so slow.
“Pumpkin, what the hell did I just tell you,” Shego inquired as she came over to join in and take over the rumble.
“I was just acting as a distraction, so they wouldn’t get away,” Kim explained, purposely sounding as if she was whining to appease her master.
“Well, stop it. Just go stand over there and make sure Lynn doesn’t get in the way,” the pale female ordered while igniting her hands to take on the two goobers before her.
Kim did not argue because she knew that her mistress would work better if she was somewhere safe. If she kept fighting with Shego around, all she would do was worry the older woman; sometimes, she thought that her owner worried way too much over nothing at all. So, she quickly and easily slipped out of the battle and made her way over to Lynn, who was still seeing stars from hitting the wall and then the ground. Kim flopped down next to the blonde and watched her master work.
The redhead noted that it was a pleasure watching Shego against fellows that could offer up some resistance. It gave her a chance to get an idea of what Shego could do. She had a vague notion of how dangerous her mistress was, but every time that she saw the elder female in action, her vision became clearer. She wondered if one day, just one day, Shego would honor her with a battle and she would not have to play the pet during the match.
“What happened?” Lynn wondered with a loud groan as she sat up.
“You just got bumped a little bit. Don’t worry about it,” Kim replied while glancing at the blonde and then she turned her attention back to the fight.
“It’s you again. The girl from Cassie’s apartment,” Lynn realized.
“Yup, I’m here,” the slim scholar confirmed for lack of a better thing to say.
“What the hell were you doing at my cousin’s house? Where is my cousin anyway?” Lynn demanded to know.
Kim pointed over at Shego, who was making short work of Pain King and Steel Toe. It was like watching a movie seeing the officer take on the thieves. Lynn climbed to her feet, slowly, but steadily. It looked like she was about to go back into the fight, which Kim thought was a bad idea considering what happened to her before. She grabbed the blonde by the hand to get her attention.
“She wants us to stay here,” Kim informed the television star.
“She probably wanted you to stay here. I’m not a weakling like you. I can take care of myself,” Lynn declared.
Wow, Kim thought; she had never met someone so delusional, except maybe her mistress. She guessed that was where the family resemblance lay. She decided that she could not let Lynn be a victim of her own crazy ideas, even though she bet that her master would not object to letting the blonde go get nailed again.
“She wants us to stay here. Those are two very dangerous criminals,” Kim stated. She was telling the truth, but that did not seem to matter to the big star.
“She told you not to get in our way, so let me go!” Lynn ordered.
Kim was tempted to let her go just as she was commanded to because of the way Lynn was tugging for her arm back; she would have fallen off balance and undoubtedly had hit the pavement. It would have been hilarious and she would have deserved it. But, the standing command from her mistress was to make sure that Lynn did not get in the way, so she would do just that. She continued to allow the blonde to try to free herself; see, she was an obedient little pet.
“Wow, that was amazing,” the cameraman muttered as he watched Shego drop both large men.
“She’s amazing,” Kim said with pride. Of course her mistress was amazing; she would not be just anyone’s pet, not that many people knew she was a pet.
“She pretty much took down two ‘wanted’ criminals single-handedly. It was great. Too bad we can’t use it,” the cameraman sighed in a disappointed tone.
“Why not?” the redhead inquired. It was a great fight and everyone would be able to see just how fantastic her master was if they used that footage.
“Because Adrena-Lynn wasn’t in it,” he pointed out.
Kim sighed; of course they would not use footage where the star of the show was floored with one kick and was being held back by some skinny kid to keep her from getting in her cousin’s way. That was too bad; Shego had been magnificent and she had captured two active, dangerous robbers. It was something that Kim would watch over and over again if it came on television.
“It would’ve been perfect. I mean, that was a great fight and those two are just terrors,” the cameraman commented with a sigh. He bet that they would break their viewer record if they had been able to get Lynn on film helping take down the pair of infamous criminals.
“Hey, maybe she’ll let them go and we can shoot it again,” Lynn was obviously wishing out loud.
“I doubt she’ll do that,” Kim commented while Shego just rolled her eyes; like hell she was going to release two criminals just for her stupid cousin’s idiotic television show. What the hell was wrong with her cousin?
“It’s all your fault anyway! If you had let me go, I would’ve been able to take those two on and we’d have the perfect scene!” Lynn barked at Kim. Apparently, the cranky, irritable personalities came from whatever branch of the family the blonde was from, Kim thought.
“Hey, what the hell are you yelling at her for?” Shego demanded to know when she saw the way her cousin was treating her dear pet. She had secured the perpetrators and was just waiting for the regular police to pick them up. Usually, the regular police would have handled the situation in the first place since the pair did not have any special powers or mutant freaks running with them, but Shego was looking for any assignment to get her cousin’s “perfect scene” and then to get the girl the hell away from her.
“She made me miss all of the action!” Lynn argued.
“She saved you from getting your ass kicked,” the pale woman pointed out and then she turned her attention to her little monster. “Go back to school or go home,” she ordered.
“But, Shego!” the redhead whined loudly for no real reason. She did not desire to stick around if Miss Adrena-Lynn was going to be around.
“Go now. I don’t want you around, getting any ideas if something else comes up,” the moss-hued woman stated.
Kim made a face to show that she was against the plan, but she did not argue; mostly because she was not truly against the notion of leaving. Shego did not seem to believe that her munchkin would follow her orders, so she escorted the redhead halfway back to school once the criminals were picked up; Shego really did not have anything better to do with her time. Lynn noted the odd behavior being exhibited by her cousin, but she dismissed at first as her family member just making sure that the busybody pest of a redhead was out of their way. But, a call came in halfway back to the school that had her rethinking the reasons.
“Can I—” Kim was going to request that she come along. She could be of great help keeping Lynn from getting hurt and she could see her mistress in action again; the latter part would help her stomach the former part.
“Go to class,” Shego commanded.
“But, it’s so boring!” the petite hero complained.
“You’re the one that wants a degree in chemistry to go along with the bio and math, so it’s on you,” the elder woman pointed out.
Kim pouted again, but she did go on her way. Shego went to go handle her business along with her bothersome cousin. She wished that she could order Lynn around like she did with Kim and get the same results.
Shego went home, massaging her temples, trying to relieve some of the tension that was building in her brain. She just could not get rid of Lynn it seemed because Lynn could not do anything right it seemed. The whole day of having a useless blonde shadow with a camera in her face had to be some kind of punishment, she concluded. And then came her daily greeting, which caught her off guard because of her growing headache. It did not help her mood.
Kim practically crashed into her master as the pale woman entered the apartment. Shego made an irked noise as she fell back against the wall. The redhead smiled elfishly as soon as her mistress was in her grip.
“Damn it, Princess,” Shego grunted. If only she could muster up the power to hit the kid, she would certainly knock Kim around at the moment because she was beyond irate.
“Welcome home!” the slim adventurer greeted her owner and then she noticed Lynn, who was standing in the doorway and frowning.
Kim released her beloved master since they had an audience. Shego informed her pet that they would be subjected to her “bimbo of a cousin” for a few more minutes, that day anyway. Shego was not sure how many days she might have to suffer through “Adrena-Lynn,” but really, one was too many.
The pet nodded to show that she understood and she returned to the living room. She picked up her puzzle cube and started working on that, which she had been doing before Shego came in. The apartment owner went to the back; she had plans to take a nice, long hot, bubble bath to soothe away the mentally anguish of being exposed to her cousin for a whole day. The pale woman had never seen such incompetence before and she felt that it was an insult for her to be related to that sophomoric, so-called action star. She was sure that television editing and movie magic was the only thing that kept her twit of a cousin on the air. The producers of the show probably just wanted a pretty face to go along with something that any monkey could undoubtedly do and with less takes more than likely.
Lynn walked around the apartment since she had been left there; she examined whatever she could see. She made sure not to touch anything because she thought that her cousin might blow up on her. She glanced at Kim every now and then, noting how comfortable the girl was in the apartment. She appeared as if she might be in for the night too, which Lynn thought was odd. Why was it that she was going to be kicked out in a few minutes, but that troublesome kid seemed to be ready for a long stay? That did not seem right or even fair. Who the hell was that brat anyway?
“You know, I never did catch your name,” Lynn commented. She noticed that her cousin had called the redhead by two very strange names, so she was not sure which one was the olive-eyed girl’s name.
“I’m Kim,” she replied, still focusing mainly on her puzzle. She loved the puzzle cube because every time that she solved it, she could just mix it back up and solve it again as a different puzzle. Shego liked it too because it kept her pest busy; she was looking into finding puzzles similar to the cube.
“So, what are you doing here?” the blonde inquired.
“She’s minding her own damn business,” Shego replied as she entered the living room. She would get rid of her cousin and then go melt in the bath that she had just finished running. “All right, Lynn, time to get out,” she informed her relative.
“What about her?” Lynn asked while pointing to Kim. She did not understand why in the hell the kid got to stay. It did not make any sense, especially since her crabby cousin liked being alone more often than not.
“Yeah, what about her?” Shego countered while pointing to the door, as if she believed that her stupid cousin might have forgotten where the exit was.
“Doesn’t she have to leave too?” the actress inquired.
“What she has to do isn’t any damn business of yours. What you have to do now is get the hell out.”
Lynn decided against arguing; she did not want her cousin to call her aunt again. She quietly walked out while wondering about the redhead. Who was that girl? Why was she allowed to stay? Why was that girl allowed to hug her cousin? Why did her cousin seem to like that kid? It was not like the girl was related to Shego or anything, so why was she so special?
Shego sighed in relief as she slammed the door shut; she was happy to be rid of her relative. She flopped down on the sofa and practically tackled her pet. Kim yelped when she was hit and dropped her toy. The pale woman began fervently rubbing her monster’s head and she sighed in relief.
“Uh…Shego?” Kim said because of her master bizarre behavior.
“Just be quiet a few minutes,” Shego requested. All she needed was to hold onto her brat and everything would be all right, she told herself. All of the baggage from the day would just go away.
The slender scholar nodded; apparently, her master had had a very taxing day. She decided to enjoy being held and touched by her beloved owner. It felt very nice and her mistress was relaxed, so it worked out well for both parties involved.
Next time: Lynn tries to talk to Kim to understand what her relationship is to Shego.