“I will take this Jade Fang!” declared Junior, who began running towards the central column-
BLAM!
Tara stood behind Junior as he fell, a massive hole in his chest due to the blaster she’d just fired.
“No. You won’t.”
She walked over to Bonnie’s lifeless body, and lied down right next to it. She looked up at Kim on the screen. “Make whoever’s responsible for this pay, Kim.” She smiled as she turned to Bonnie’s corpse. “I always liked you, Bonnie. And I’ll always be with you.” She held the blaster to her head as she leaned down and passionately kissed the non-responsive brown-haired woman.
BLAM!
“In the interest of Global Security, I cannot allow you to retrieve The Jade Fang of Kara.”
“Oh? And you’re gonna stop me?” Barkin raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.” With that, Dr. Director fired the recently reloaded and set-to-maximum-charge tazer cartridges-
-as Barkin seized Adrena Lyn and threw her in front of him, leaving the woman to shriek and her body to seizure as the tazers lodged right in the skin over her heart. She collapsed, her body burnt into silence.
“ADRENA!” Dr. Director glared at Barkin. “You heartless fiend!”
“Just a soldier trying to stay alive… I’m entitled to that, aren’t I?”
“Mindless killing isn’t a soldier’s way.”
“When you’re forced to kill or die, you’d rather kill.”
“Maybe.”
“Barkin sighed. “Know what the difference between Global Justice and the U.S. Army?”
“What?”
BANG!
“Global Justice doesn’t give their agents guns.” Barkin then looked at the gun and threw it away in disgust, the bullet chamber empty. He walked away as Dr. Director fell to the ground – a bullet hole in her other eye.
“Oh come now, Drewbie! What harm could come from pulling a simple lever?”
“A lot of harm, mother! Trust me! A lot of – NO, MOTHER! DON’T PULL THE LEV-WHAHHHHHH!”
splash!
The trapdoor closed. Ron breathed a sigh of relief that he’d stopped a second behind the two, then ran on.
“Watch out for traps,” warned Kim as she, Shego, and Joss approached the central column with the Jade Fang of Kara in it – and also the room where her crazed father was watching over everything from.
“Hey, look!” Joss ran off to her left onto a walkway leading to a door. “He forgot to hide the door out!”
“JOSS! GET BACK HERE!”
Joss reached the door, opened it – and screamed as she nearly stepped out into a 2,000-ft. ocean plunge.
Sighing in relief, she turned around and began walking back to them, letting the door shut with a click.
It was the second, reverberating CLICK that stopped her dead in her tracks.
“Oh god…JOSS! RUN!”
Joss didn’t need to be told twice, bolting for the open room as the crushing rams slammed down behind her, one by one. Giving it all that she had, she tore down the path, somehow outrunning the machines-
“She’s gonna make it!” Kim gasped. “SHE’S GONNA MAKE IT!C’MON, JOSS!” She held out her hand for her cousin to grab as Joss reached the end of the confined walkway. Joss threw her hand out-
-and the walkway floor turned into a treadmill as Kim’s fingers brushed her cousin’s. Joss was lurched backwards as the floor started moving in reverse – and before she could grab the railing and pull herself into the main cavern of the room, the bottom half of her legs were taken under one of the crushing rams. Joss screamed in pure pain as every part of her below her knees was smashed into a bloody, pulpy mess.
Too short now to reach the railing, all Joss could do was roll over and scream at the next crushing ram-
“NO! NO! THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Kim cried as the door auto-opened and the crimson-stained dust that was formerly her cousin was cast into the ocean. The door closed, and the machine stopped with a hiss.
“THAT’S NOT FAIR!”
“LIFE’S NOT FAIR! NOW SHUT UP AND LET’S GO!” snarled Shego, forcibly dragging Kim away.
They reached the central column unchecked. The Jade Fang of Kara was waiting. They walked up to it. Shego stared at it. “I should take it… But I know I can’t.” Kim stared at her. Suddenly, there were footsteps. Shego shoved Kim down behind the pedestal the Jade Fang was on, the peeking around it.
“Booyah! I’m gonna get to that Jade Fang thing firAGK!” Blood sputtered up out of Ron’s mouth as Barkin’s shovel swung through the air and sliced through his carotid artery like a knife through butter.
“RONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!” shrieked Kim, tears spilling down her face as her boyfriend crumpled to the ground. She stood up from their hiding place and ran over to his silent body, cradling it & crying quite profusely.
“Oh, diamond-tipped shovel…What won’t you cut through - What the? Ms. Possible?” Barkin sputtered.
“Oh, smooth, Kimmie! Give away that we’re here, why don’t you?” growled Shego, stepping into view.
“TAKE IT!” screamed the sobbing Kim at her former high school teacher. “GO - GO FUCKING BECOME IMMORTAL ALREADY!”
“Sorry - Gotta be alone first, Ms. Possible.” Barkin raised the shovel as Kim prepared to defend herself-
“HEY! ARMY BOY!” Shego, the Jade Fang of Kara in one hand, snatched the shovel out of his grip and careened her body into his side, sending Barkin crashing to the ground. She leapt on top of him, opened his mouth – and used the shovel to dig his left canine out of his gums as he screamed in pain. She ripped the tooth out, threw it aside, jammed the Jade Fang of Kara in its place – then used her green energy flames to solder the Fang to his gums permanently. “Y’know, you missed the best part about possessing the Jade Fang of Kara, Bark Man: You become immortal, but you also eternally endure all the pain and suffering Kara caused in life. But you killed that Sensei guy before he told you. Whoopsie!”
“What? AHH!” screamed Barkin as squares of jade and gold thread spilled out of the Fang and started to cover him. “Hey! Cheese and crackers, make it stop! Make it stop-AHH!” His voice was muffled when the jade squares and gold thread covered his face – and soon, Barkin was completely encased inside of a jade burial suit. There was the sudden sound of spikes stabbing flesh, and his screams of pain grew tenfold in loudness. The jade squares slowly began turning red from the inside out, eternal towels soaking up eternal blood.
“Hmmph. Serves the bastard right,” Shego huffed. “C’mon, Pumpkin – it’s time for us to give a life lesson to your Piranha Father.”
The still-weeping Kim nodded, standing up and forcing herself to walk away from Ron’s body.
When they stepped out of the elevator into the room, two odd-looking devices stared them right in the face. “Oh, hi there, Kimmie-Cub,” said Mr. Possible, stepping down from his chair and towards them. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to attack you and eat you. You survived the tests. Those devices are special saws. Can cut through anything while soldering shut the severed vessels instantly. You can use them to switch your arms back.”
Shego looked at Kim. Kim shrugged. Shego picked up one of the saws – and suddenly hacked at her arm on Kim’s body. Kim hollered in pain – but the ‘blade’ only got halfway through the arm before it died. “What?” Shego looked at Kim – who now had her arm half-hanging off her shoulder. She grabbed the other saw – but it died, too. “WHAT THE HELL?”
Dr. Possible looked up. “Oops, sorry. Looks like I forgot to buy new batteries.”
“ALRIGHT, THAT’S IT!” Shego bellowed. “IF I DON’T GET MY ARM BACK, YOU DIE!”
“SHEGO,NO! HE’S STILL MY D-”
Shego’s clawed glove slammed into Mr. Possible’s face – and a blasting electric shock threw her back. “AHH!”
“-ad?” Kim looked at the sparking head. “WHAT? HE WAS A ROBOT? MY INSANE FATHER WAS A ROBOT? THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN SOME SICK ENGINEERED JOKE?”
“Looks like, Princess.”
“ENGINEERED BY WHOM?”
There was a loud CRASH! The roof of the building shattered off, and then a bright FLASH! of light-
“Augh…” groaned Shego as she sat up simultaneously with Kim. “What 10-ton truck was that?”
“I don’t kn-AH!” Kim freaked out, jolting to her feet when she realized she was naked. “What the hell?”
Shego saw that she was nude, too. “Oh. Will you look at that. And hey, we have our own arms back.”
Kim backed up into the corner of the room she’d noticed was seemingly windowless and doorless. “What the fuck? Where are we now? What are we supposed to do this time? WHO’S DOING THIS?”
Shego looked around the nearly-cramped room, which was more a pantry than a room. Her eyes fell on the small pile of sex toys lying in the opposite corner of the room from where Kim was. She stood up.
Kim’s eyes widened in fright as she watched Shego calmly walk over to the pile. “Sh-Shego? Are those…?” she asked as Shego turned back around to face her, now with one of the toys in her hand.
“Hmm…” Shego eyed the naked and trembling Kim up and down. “Not bad, actually…Not bad.” The statement only made Kim’s eyes widen more. She licked her lips slowly and fell into her predatory stance.
“Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Shego?”
“Got you all to myself now, Princess.”
“SHEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
FIN