“I don’t think she’s in there.”
“Of COURSE she’s in there, where else would she be?”
“Then I don’t think we should be trying to break in. You know how the boss gets.”
“Tara, if you’re not going to help, then quit whining so I can do this.”
Tara pouted, crossing her arms as she watched Bonnie try her hand at lock picking. Considering she only had a credit card and a very complicated lock to work with, it wasn’t going too well. Shego had made certain her home was very secure.
There were some things it couldn’t stand up against, though. Like the handheld laser nestled in Tara’s pocket. The one she would gladly tell Bonnie about, once her partner apologized and really meant it.
Kim woke up to the odd, uncomfortable feeling that she was being watched. It wasn’t until she slipped out from under Monique’s arm that she spotted Ron leaning against the wall, wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants.
“Hey,” she said quietly, her cheeks burning.
“Hi,” Ron replied, looking equally uncomfortable.
“So, um…about today,” Kim murmured hesitantly.
“We shall never speak of it,” Ron supplied.
“We won’t?”
Ron nodded sagely. “For many reasons, all of them awk-weird.”
“So…you didn’t…I mean…”
“Oh, I liked it. Every second. You know, except for the spanking part.”
Kim barely held in a laugh. “I’ve never seen Shego do that before, I swear.”
“A likely story.”
“Ron, really. I didn’t know she was into it. Maybe she only does it with guys.”
“I bet she’s only done it with me,” Ron muttered. “She always has to be in control.”
“You get used to it.”
“Not really.”
“Okay, well, I got used to it.”
“But she never spanked you!”
“Ron, she’s put me in holds that would make Steel Toe cry for his mommy. We’re way beyond spanking.”
“Whatever.”
“Say, um…toss me my robe? I think it’s still in the bathroom.”
She was eternally grateful that Ron left the room without pointing out that he’d already seen her naked. This was true, but if they were really going to act like this day was just a dream, better to start now.
Ron returned shortly with the robe. “KP, do you think this was a mistake?” he asked, handing it to her.
“I’m not really sure,” Kim admitted as she turned away to slip it on. “I enjoyed it, same as you did. But I also don’t know if it would be wise to repeat this experience.”
“Spanking weirded you out, too?”
“No, from what I saw, it was actually kinda funny. But, um…I was pretty occupied at the moment, and, well…”
Ron grinned. “She’s good, right?”
Kim blushed. “You’re an incredibly lucky man, Ron Stoppable. Now can we please talk about something else?”
“Right. I’ll go whip up some breakfast, and-”
“Did you hear something?” Kim asked sharply.
“No, but I don’t think-”
It was then that the bedroom door slammed open, spilling Bonnie and Tara all over the carpet.
“Owww! Bonnie get your elbow out of my…” Tara trailed off as her eyes took in Ron, Kim, their near state of undress, and then the two unconscious bodies on the bed. “OOOOOOH!”
Bonnie was a bit more tasteful, she just stared in open-mouthed shock.
Shego grunted as she sat up. “Ah, great. The whole office will know inside a day.” She fixed the two girls with a glare. “What do you want and why shouldn’t I fire you?”
“We won’t tell, honest!” Tara cried, scrambling to her feet. “Right, Bonnie?”
Bonnie didn’t answer, and she still hadn’t gotten up.
Shego rolled her eyes. “Answer the first question. What do you want?”
“Adrena Lynn is suing you for running a racially discriminatory workplace.”
“On what basis?”
Tara frowned. “Something about denying a Native American applicant…”
Shego snorted. “Hell, I’d let Stoppable spank ME if she even has a drop of Native American blood.”
“That’s an…odd choice of words,” Tara observed.
“Is there anything else?” Ron asked loudly.
“Just one. Is this why you guys don’t like to be bothered on the weekends?”
“Pick up your slack-jawed friend and get out!” Shego ordered.
“So…never?” Monique asked. “Never, ever again?”
Kim sighed. “Monique, please. I’m trying to eat.”
“Forget the food! Why, Kim? Was it something I did? Did you not like it when I-”
“Monique!” Kim hissed. “Would you stop it? You didn’t do anything I didn’t like. And that’s part of the problem.”
“I’m not following you, girl.”
“It’s one of those things that’s great once, but after that it’s never as good.”
Monique looked insulted. “Oh, yeah? You give me five minutes alone, and I’ll-”
“NO, you will not!” Kim interrupted, turning red. “Monique, this has nothing to do with ability!”
“Then what?”
Kim took a deep breath. “I’m scared it might hurt both our relationships. What if Shego gets too into you? Or if Ron gets too into me?”
“Okay, I see your point. Why didn’t you just say that?”
“You wouldn’t let me!”
“Sorry.” Monique lowered her voice. “So…you liked it? All of it? Even the spanking?”
Kim grinned. “Especially that, but don’t tell Ron. It made him feel insecure, I think.”
“Aw! I wanted to try it out on him.”
“Don’t you dare! He’s sensitive enough about it.”
“So…no regrets?” Monique asked.
“I guess not.” Kim didn’t look so sure.
“Is it going to make things awk-weird between us?”
“No.” Kim paused. “Well, I hope not. So long as you respect my personal space.”
“I do respect it! So much that I want to be in it again!” Monique laughed.
“Oh, you’re very funny.”
“I wasn’t really joking, but if that’s the way you want it, Kim.” She reached across the table and laid her hand on Kim’s. “But now you’ll never doubt the way I feel about you, will you?”
“Definitely not.”
“Good. That’s what I wanted.” Monique drew her hand back. “And if you see Ron ogling any mug shots of Shego, feel free to smack him, once for each of us.”
“I think he’s more afraid of her again. Because of the spanking.”
“What is it about a woman smacking a man’s butt that turns him into a child?”
“I’m sure I don’t know. Maybe Shego does.”
“Oh, I’m almost positive she would.”
“I can drive back to the office myself, you know.”
“I know. But I have your keys.”
Ron just barely stifled a groan. “Okay. What’s it gonna take for me to get my keys back?”
Shego smirked at him. “You’ll get them back…at the office…after I’ve driven you there.”
“In MY car?”
“No, mine.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I enjoy making you uncomfortable. And you have to look at me sometime.”
“I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you.”
“You’re being a bad boy, Ron. And bad boys get-”
“DON’T.”
Shego grinned wickedly and unlocked the doors. “Get in, then.”
Sighing loudly, Ron got into the car and buckled his seat belt. “I better get a raise for this.”
Shego snorted as she started the car. “No way. You got to see me naked.”
“Not by choice.”
“You saw, anyway.”
“I didn’t want to! You jumped me and tied me up with my own clothes!”
“You would’ve run if I hadn’t, and then you wouldn’t have got to see me naked, and you’re deprived enough as it is.”
“Hey, I got Monique all by myself!”
“No, you were lucky. You were lucky to be Kimmie’s buddy for so long, you were lucky she and Monique became friends, and you were lucky that you were both smart enough to fall for Kimmie and stupid enough to be so slow in realizing it. Otherwise, you never would’ve gotten Monique…or seen me naked.”
Ron glared at her. “I have to say, seeing you naked wasn’t the highlight of the experience. It pales in comparison to the rest.”
“Ah. A joke at my expense. It might actually hurt, if you weren’t so pitiful already.”
“I’ve decided. I don’t like working for you anymore. I quit.”
“You can’t quit. Doesn’t work that way. You can only be fired. Much as I’d like to do that, I can’t. I need Monique, and she’s currently under the delusion that she needs you. So you both stay.”
“You don’t have that in writing.”
“I do, actually. Monique signed a contract committing you both. Same as every other team. You just didn’t know about it.”
“She wouldn’t do that.”
“Did. I advised her not to tell you.”
“Why?”
“So I could spring it on you like this when you did try to quit, of course.”
Ron shook his head. “I don’t understand you, Shego. When I see you with Kim, you’re so…nice most of the time. But the instant we’re alone, it’s like you never stopped working for Drakken.”
“And figuring me out would make you feel better?”
“No. But I’m tired of fighting with you. We’re supposed to be on the same side now.”
“Okay, Ron. I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll play nice from now on, and all you have to do…”
Ron closed his eyes. “Here it comes.”
Shego chuckled. “Just tell me exactly what you were thinking when I spanked you.”
“You promise you’ll be nice? You swear on…on…this won’t work, nothing’s sacred to you, is it?”
“I swear on Kimmie’s Pandaroo. She always makes me swear on it, because she knows I hate it with everything that I am.”
“So how is that sacred to you?”
Shego scowled. “It’s sacred because Kimmie loves the damn thing so much. It’s sickening, a woman her age still going to bed with a ball of fluff. She even washes it by hand.” She took a deep, cleansing breath. “So what were you thinking?”
“Honestly? That my mom was going to walk in any second and disown me.”
“Cute.”
Ron shuddered. “You obviously don’t know my mom very well.”
“How bad could she be?”
“She still hasn’t recovered from me and Monique skipping dating. So I know today would give her a stroke.”
“Too bad. Bet you wish for Kimmie’s parents all the time, huh?”
“Her mom, anyway. I’ve been threatened with black holes too many times. Worst my dad can do is tell me the likelihood of things going wrong if I don’t take his advice.”
“And what did he say about working for me?”
Ron shrugged. “So long as Kim was on board, little or no risk. If she left…you don’t wanna know.”
“Well, he’s not an idiot, at least.”
“I thought you were playing nice now?”
“What? I said he wasn’t an idiot!”
Ron sighed heavily. “Forget it.”
:”Hey, this IS nice…for me. Not my fault if you didn’t specify the terms of our deal. Always read the fine print, Ron.”
“Warning: May cause headaches, heart trauma, nausea, bruising, plasma burns, and blurred vision.”
“You forgot red buns and cheeks.”
“JUST DRIVE!”
For once, Shego did exactly as she was told.
But Ron still couldn’t bring himself to look at her for more than a few seconds. Because he’d either see a wide grin on her face, or picture her hand falling for another swat. Really, he didn’t know which one was worse. Either way, he had a sinking feeling that Shego being nice would be even worse than her being…well, Shego.
“Since I’m being nice and all,” Shego said suddenly. “I think you need some advice.”
“On what?” Ron asked warily.
“Well, I noticed today that your rhythm was off.”
“Kim didn’t have ANY complaints.”
“She has no basis for comparison, plus she was being nice.”
“Like you’re supposed to be?”
“I’m trying to help. I can see you need more lessons in that area, so-”
“NO.”
“Let me finish. After work we’ll grab Monique, and I’ll coach you through it.”
“I don’t like your coaching. You always yell.”
“How can you learn if you don’t know when you’re doing it wrong?”
“But you yelled when I got it right, too.”
“Positive reinforcement. Unless you’d rather I just gave you a slap on the ass.”
“Yelling’s good. Yelling’s great.”
“Maybe we should get Kimmie in on this, see what she liked and didn’t.”
“She liked it all!”
“You just keep telling yourself that. I know what a completely satisfied Kimmie looks like, and she only looked that way when Monique got done with her.”
“If I wasn’t so disgusted by the thought of being with you again, I’d make you pull this car over right now.”
Shego smirked. “Guess we’re both lucky, then.”
“Nice?” Ron asked heatedly.
“Sorry. Force of habit.”
“Maybe YOU should get spanked when you can’t remember to be nice.”
“Monique would kill you. And Kimmie wouldn’t speak to your corpse for a week.”
“That’s not fair!”
“Nope, it’s nice and fair. For me.”
“You cheated somehow, I just know you did…”
“You ever prove it, you can have all the time with my butt that you want.”
“And this is something I’m supposed to want?”
“No, but I am supposed to be nice now.”
“That doesn’t really include offering up your body parts.”
“Forget I said anything then. We’ll just stop by Bueno Naco on the way to your lesson. My treat.”
“See? Was that really so hard?”
“Yeah,” Shego muttered, glancing at her arm. “I think it’s giving me a rash.”
Ron rolled his eyes. “Just drive,” he murmured weakly.
The End (for real this time, I hope)