(As the three enter, Shego finishes shredding the net)
SHEGO: “Of all the stupid stunts you two have pulled…”
KIM: “Aw come on, you were just starting to have fun and you know it.”
Shego Collared - Chapter 3
By: NoDrogs
RON: “what is a 'Drog' anyway?”
KIM: “It sounds like a unreleased Cuddle Buddy, like a 'Crat'.
A Kim Possible fan fic. Kim Possible and associated characters are property of the Walt Disney corporation and used here for nonprofit reasons without permission.
Some violent and sexually suggestive material. Please do not read if you are a minor or find such material objectionable.
SHEGO: “Like WE have a choice.”
Thanks for all the feedback, I was surprised how many reactions (and so quickly) I got. I’ve found that comments seem to be the raw fuel my fan-fiction engine runs on.
Some concepts are based on the ideas other Kigo fan-fic writers and not my own. Some of the lines are based on movies and online comics, which I also do not own and which are used without permission.
SHEGO: “Don't try to shift blame onto other people!”
RON: “He's 'Guilt Projection Man'!”
Read and enjoy.
This story is NOT part of my ‘Small Possibilities’ fan-fic series, but I did borrow a few concepts from there (such as Bertha Director).
Thanks for all the feedback, both on and the KPSlash board. A special thank you to Pesterfield, for his constant assistance in spelling and grammar. Text in italics in the story indicate a charachter’s thoughts.
KIM: “Well, so much for Pesterfield checking the story's spelling.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
“Here you go, Miss Possible.” said the bank teller, handing some printed out paperwork and a book of checks to the young teenager.
RON: “As opposed to an 'OLD' teenager.”
“Your new account is set up. I must say, few teenagers seem to be as financially organized as you are. Imagine, wanting an account just to handle pet expenses.”
“Oh, you know the girl scout motto.” said Kim. “Be prepared.”
“Really?” said the teller. “I thought that was the boy scout’s motto…”
SHEGO: “The Boy Scouts STOLE it, OK?”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
KIM: “Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes?”
When Kim came out of the bank, she spotted Shego and Ron. Shego was dressed in a mid-riff baring black shirt and a pair of tight fitting black pants… an outfit she had gotten from Kim’s closet.
SHEGO: “'Kim's Closet', the lingerie store that Victoria's Secret does NOT have to worry about.”
She leaned casually against a metal trash can, the picture on nonchalance. It was only when you looked closer that you would notice some details were odd.
RON: “Like the fact that she picked her teeth with a bayonet that was still attached to a rifle.”
First, there was the fact that the woman’s skin was ivory white, with a tint of green. If it wasn’t for her thick, luxurious black hair, you might easily assume she was an albino. Second, there was the fact that a band of a shiny, jet-black armored material was secured around her neck. Finally, a flexible metal cable ran from a small d-ring on the front of the collar, over one shoulder and down her back, to where the handle was tied to the rim of the garbage can.
KIM: “Where there were three beer cans, a cereal box containing four crushed corn flakes, a banana peel and some coffee grounds.”
Ron was dressed in one of his usual, casual Smarty-Mart bought outfits. He slouched on the ground, bored, while Rufus snored on his shoulder.
KIM: “Looks like Rufus is as bored to be IN this story as we are to READ it.”
RON: “Lucky Rufus, he gets to run the ship while we're in here.”
SHEGO (Jumping up): “The Naked Mole Rat's running the ship?!”
KIM: “Relax, it's computer controled.”
“Hey, guys.” said Kim, coming over. “Sorry to take so long.” she told Ron, as she unwrapped the handle end of the leash from the trashcan. The smart-leash, recognizing Kim’s touch, obediently came unwound.
RON: “Huh, Kim only has to touch the leash to make it unwind. My dad needs a beer and the sports section.”
Shego stood up straight. “So, how’d it go, princess?”
“Shee-ga-roo, do you really think pet names are appropriate in public?” said Kim, blushing.
SHEGO: “You mean pet names like 'Shee-ga-roo'?”
“Kim, you’ve got another woman on a leash, and you’re embarrassed that I’m calling you pet names?” said Shego.
“It is kind of unusual, even for Team Possible.” pointed out Ron.
KIM: “For once, I can't argue with this story.”
“Ok, ready to call Wade on the kimmunicator and tell him what the number of your account is?” asked Shego.
Kim pulled out her kimmunicator and activated it. “Hey, Wade, just got an account at Savemore Bank. The account number is…”
“No need, Kim.” said Wade. “I’d already hacked into that bank, and have your account information.”
“Ok, and people think I’M the super-thief?” said Shego.
“I don’t steal.” said Wade. “I just… hack.”
RON: “What a coincidence, Wade 'hacks' and the writer IS a 'hack'.”
KIM: “That's not a nice thing to say, Ron.”
RON: “But it's true.”
“Whatever.” said Shego, with a shrug. “You still have the account number I told you about?”
“Ready and waiting to make the transfer.” said Wade. “Just need your pin number.”
“It’s…” started Kim.
“Hold on, pumpkin.” said Shego. “He meant MY pin number.”
“Yeah, Kim.” said Wade. “Pin number is for getting money out of an account, not into.”
SHEGO: “Yeah, the bank people don't care if you put money INTO their banks, they only worry when you try to take it OUT.”
KIM: “Do you know that from experience, Shego?”
SHEGO (Rolls her eyes and sighs): “Yes.”
“Oh, sorry.” said Kim. She handed the Kimmunicator to Shego. A numeric keypad slid out of the side of the Kimmunicator, and Shego began typing on the keypad.
RON: “The quick brown frox-- darn, now I have to start over!”
“You ok, Kim? Get enough sleep last night?” asked Ron.
“Sleep? Oh, yeah, plenty of sleep.” said Kim. Waking up to find herself snuggling with Shego, that had been a surprise. But Kim had definitely gotten enough sleep.
KIM: “Ah, sleep: nature's way of saying, 'get some rest!'.”
“It’s just, you were the one complaining about MY attitude to Shego losing her human rights.” said Ron. “And now, you seem to really be getting into the whole Shego-Pet dynamic. Remember, it’s just temporary.”
“I know that, Ron.” said Kim. “It’s just… well, it’s kind of fun to spend time with Shego and we’re not fighting. Plus… well, with the tweebs and the world saving and all, I’ve never really had a pet.”
“Kim, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.” said Ron. “This is a whole cornucopea of disturbing concepts.”
SHEGO: “True, but I predict that Shegos will be the pet fad of the new Millennium!”
“Ok, done.” said Shego. She handed the Kimmunicator to Kim.
Kim glanced at the Kimmunicator screen, and her eyes went wide. “THAT’S how much you had in your account?”
RON: “Seven dollars and twenty-three cents plus a five dollar IOU?”
“Of course not.” said Shego. “That’s just how much I transferred into your account. I figured that should be enough for pet expenses for a while.”
Ron glanced at the screen also, and his eyes went wide also. “Wow, I’m glad Rufus doesn’t expect ME to spend that much on him.”
“And that’s from only ONE of the accounts you had?” said Kim. “How much was Drakken paying you?”
SHEGO: “Not enough, after this!”
“Let’s just say competent second-in-commands, complete with super powers and who DON’T plan to stab you in the back to take total control, don’t come cheap.” said Shego. “It’s a bit of a seller’s market, really.”
The thought of all this money, under Kim’s control, was a heady sensation… only slightly less intoxicating then the though of Shego under Kim’s control. “Let’s go shopping.” said Kim.
KIM: “And then take over the world!”
“Smarty Mart?” suggested Ron.
“NO!” said Kim and Shego, firmly.
“Club Banana?” suggested Shego.
“Yup.” said Kim. “Best of all, I know Monique is working there right now. She can bend the no-pets allowed rule.”
KIM: “SuperMonique! Who can bend rules with her bare hands! Change the minds of mighty shoppers!”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Shego squirmed, hoping it was unobtrusive.
RON: “Eww, I hope not! What is 'unobtrusive', a skin rash?”
When she had agreed to the ‘pet’ thing, it had been to get Global Justice to stop chasing her and for an opportunity to tease Kimmy. Shego, however, had been surprised how quickly Kim had adjusted to the owner/pet situation.
Kim, holding onto the handle of the smart leash, entered Club Banana through the side door. Shego followed.
SHEGO: “Not because I was connected to Possible by a LEASH or anything.”
After that first accidental time, Kim had never pulled hard enough on the leash to activate the leash’s shock function, but Shego firmly remembered it. Compared to some of what Kim had done to her in the past, during a fight, the pain was almost inconsequential. However, during a fight, Shego’s adrenalin was flowing, and she could give as good as she got.
RON: “For it is truly better to give than to receive.”
SHEGO: “In this case it is.”
Being a helpless pet, shocked by a leash, made the pain that much more dramatic, that much more necessary to avoid.
Ron came in, shaking his head.
RON: “Clark Kent is Superman? No, that's ridiculous, Superman doesn't wear glasses!”
He suspected that his pal Kim was being replaced with her alter ego; a side of KP he rarely saw, and never liked when he did. The ‘Evil Bitch Queen from Hell’ mode he called it, careful to never use the term aloud.
KIM: “Too late, I heard you.”
Kim was very sensitive to profanity, avoiding it whenever she could. In this case, however, the term was appropriate. Kim could get so focused on a situation, dominate it so thoroughly, that she was like a ravenous pit bull with a bone. Nothing would deter her, and pity anyone in her way.
SHEGO: “Ever consider a career in villainy, Kim?”
KIM: “Um…”
RON: “KP!”
KIM: “No, of course not, Shego.”
“Monique! Hi!” said Kim. “Can you help us do some shopping?”
Perhaps the scariest part of Bitch Queen mode, Ron thought, was how Kim can still seem so nice and friendly… until you looked into her eyes, or when you did something that interfered with what she wanted.
KIM: “CHOCOLATE! ME WANT CHOCOLATE!”
RON: “Easy now Kim, how about a nice cup of tea?”
KIM: “PREPARE TO DIE, MORTAL!”
Shego found the next half hour or so somewhat bizarre.
SHEGO: “Compared to the rest of the story? That's saying something!”
Since they were shopping for clothes for Shego, Shego had assumed she would have some choice in the purchases. Especially since Kim was spending the money Shego had legally earned. Well, skip the legally part, admitted Shego, in the privacy of her own mind.
SHEGO: “Yeah, I often do.”
But it’s still my money, even if I can’t legally use it myself right now.
Instead of consulting Ron or Shego however, Kim was mostly making her own decisions on what outfits she thought would look best on Shego. Occasionally, she asked for Monique’s opinion… but even then, she was likely to ignore Monique’s suggestion if it clashed with Kim’s.
KIM: “I don't treat Monique like that. Unless she's WRONG, of course.”
Yup, Bitch Queen mode. thought Ron. He glanced at Shego. Wonder how she’s taking it… Ron glanced down, and then swallowed nervously. He could just make out, faintly, a green aura starting to surround Shego’s hands. Time for distraction boy, he thought.
RON: “Ahh! My pants fell down!”
KIM: “Heh, that WOULD be a good distraction, Ron.”
RON: “No, my pants DID just fall down. They were caught in the folding seat as I stood up.”
“Um, hey, KP?” said Ron. “I’m going to go grab a soda or something. Is it ok if I take Shego… I mean Shee-ga-roo, and get sodas for all four of us?.”
“Hmmm?” said Kim, looking up. “Oh, yeah… good idea. I’ll take a diet cola… get diet cola for Shee-ga-roo also. Monique, what would you like?”
“Diet lemon-lime.” said Monique. “I’m on duty, don’t want something that will stain.”
SHEGO (As Monique): “IF that's all right with Your Highness.”
Kim handed Ron the leash and pulled Monique over to help her criticize a rack of tank-tops.
Ron quickly led Shego over to the store’s mall entrance, and scanned furtively around for Global Justice agents. He then handed Shego the end of the leash.
“Here, I don’t think you want me to be holding this.”
“No, I don’t.” said Shego, tucking the leash handle under the front of her shirt. “I’m not even sure I want KIMMY holding that, right now.”
RON: “So that leaves Rufus to walk Shego.”
KIM: “Ron, that's a disturbing picture.”
“Yeah, I noticed.” said Ron. “She’s not like this often.”
“She’s been like this before?” said Shego.
“Oh Yeah. You probably didn’t notice, but there’s been a couple of missions she’s gotten this way. Oh, and this one coaching time… don’t ask, it wasn’t pretty.” said Ron.
KIM (Sulking): “Those kids' teeth were bound to fall out someday, and Freddy really likes singing soprano in the glee club.”
“I don’t get it.” said Shego, as the two walked toward a drink stand. “Kim is usually sweet and kind of naïve. A world-class fighter, but not this… this…”
“Evil bitch queen from Hell?” said Ron.
SHEGO: “Ha! Made you say it!”
Ron hadn’t made up the term himself, he had just overheard Bonnie using it, and the name had stuck in Ron’s head.
“Yeah.” said Shego, surprised to hear Ron call his best friend that. Heck, she was amazed he even KNEW those words, much less that he used them to describe Kim.
“Like I said, she’s not often like this, and it usually doesn’t last more then a day or two.” said Ron.
RON: “Just for the cycle of the full moon.”
“What if this is one of the times it lasts longer?” said Shego. “Look, I’m grateful for her protecting me from the GJ goons.” She glanced around and leaned closer. “You repeat this, and I will fry you… but I’ll even go so far as say I was terrified out of my mind. But I’d take those GJ goons over a permanently evil bitch queen.”
“From Hell, Shego. Evil bitch queen from Hell.” said Ron.
KIM: “OK, we get it!”
“The only way I know to banish this side of Kim to the pit of damnation it was spawned from, besides waiting for it to wear off, is to find some way to show Kim how she’s acting. You just can’t TELL her, she assumes you’re making an excuse or you’re lying.”
“Any suggestions on how to do that this time?” asked Shego. Hold on… she thought. I’m asking the BUFFOON for advice?
SHEGO: “Kill me now.”
RON: “Hey!”
“Not right now.” admitted Ron. “But I’ll try to think of something.”
“Well… thanks, Stoppable.” said Shego. “But don’t think this means I like you or anything.”
“Understood.” said Ron. He pulled out his wallet.
RON: “Can I buy your friendship?”
“Hey, where’s your rodent?” said Shego, realizing that she hadn’t seen the naked pink mole-rat since coming into the mall.
“Down at the arcade.” said Ron, pointing. “Gave him some money for him to buy tokens. He doesn’t like hanging around the EBQFH either, and he’s a bit better able to sneak off then you or I can.”
Shego sighed. “It was bad when Global Justice declared me inhuman. And I thought being a pet would be fun. But it’s like…”
KIM: “Like totally GROSS!”
“She’s not treating you like a pet.” said Ron. “She’s treating you like you’re a mindless extension of herself, like you have no identity beyond ‘Property of Kim Possible’.”
“You know the feeling?” asked Shego.
“Know it, lived it, got the shirt.” said Ron, as they finally got to the head of the line. “Four medium sized drinks, please.” he told the cashier. “One diet cola, one diet sprite, one regular cola… what do you want, Shego?”
“You know, I think that’s the first time today someone ASKED me what I wanted, instead of telling.” said Shego. She considered. “Diet cola for me too.”
SHEGO: “Better not upset the Evil Bitch Queen.”
KIM: “Evil Bitch Queen From Hell, Shego. Aggh, now I'M doing it!”
Ron and Shego carried the drinks back, Ron holding his and Monique’s drink while Shego carried the two diet colas. “Um, when you said got the shirt…” said Shego.
“I mean, got the shirt.” said Ron. “ ’Property of Kim Possible‘. We were helping at this young children’s camp, not a big budget for equipment so Kim brought some stuff from her home. She slapped labels on everything she brought, including me. She was so busy trying to get all the kids to have fun, that nobody had fun… including me.”
KIM: “I had fun.”
“Harsh.” said Shego.
“Yeah, well…” said Ron. “It could be worse. Just hang in there, ok?”
“Thanks, Stoppable.” said Shego, then smiled. Shego and Ron said together “But don’t think this means I like you.”
Shego and Ron came back into the store, to find Kim at the register. “What took you guys so long?” said Kim. “Ron, where’s Shee-ga-roo’s leash?”
SHEGO (Sexy voice): “Down here, why don't you reach in and get it?”
Shego put one of the diet colas on the counter, then used her free hand to fish the leash out from the front of her shirt. “Here, mistress.” said Shego.
Kim grabbed the proffered leash handle. “Just ‘Kim Possible’ is fine, Shee-ga-roo.”
KIM: “Or 'My Queen', if you prefer.”
said Kim, not even realizing that Shego had meant that as a joke.
Monique took the diet lemon-lime soda and finished ringing up the purchases. She glanced at Kim, then leaned toward Ron. “EBQFH?” Monique asked, speaking softly.
“EBQFH.” agred Ron.
RON: “That's Monique-talk for 'Every Body Quit Flinging Hamsters'.”
“What are you two talking about?” said Kim. “Shee-ga-roo, get the bags.”
“Here, KP…” said Ron, before Shego could give in to the urge to blast the bags.
“I’ll get them. I just need to go by the ar… go by another store in the mall to pick up something for Rufus.”
“Rufus busy sleeping in your pocket?” asked Kim.
“Something like that.” said Ron, evasively.
RON: “'Sleeping in your pocket' IS slang for 'playing video games', isn't it?”
“Glad to see you’ve got a pet that‘s so easy to keep track of.” said Kim and walked on, unaware of how upset Shego was getting behind her.
SHEGO: “Fried Kimmie, roast Kimmie, broiled Kimmie, Kimmie flambes`…”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Ron carried the bags and put them on a table in Kim’s house. “Need me to stick around?” he asked Kim, but his eyes were on Shego.
Shego shook her head slightly ‘no’ as Kim said. “No… thanks for coming with us, Ron.”
“Don’t mention it, Kim” said Ron. It’s not like you mentioned ‘Thanks for the sodas’ or ‘thanks for helping calm down Shego‘. Easy, Ron… you know it’s just Kim’s dark side. At least her dark side is just bossy. Your dark side tried to take over the world supply of Nacos, remember?
RON: “It was my first time, OK? I was inexperienced!”
KIM: “The Seniors made better demands the first time, Ron.”
RON: “Yeah, but they had a handbook and my advice.”
SHEGO: “YOU advised the Seniors?”
KIM: “It's a long story.”
Kim turned to Shego. “Ok, Shee-ga-roo, let’s see how these look on you.” Kim
reached down and pulled out a V-necked green blouse and skirt. “Go try these on
first.”
KIM: “OK, this is so not me. Even at my bossiest I would have had Shego try on the clothes BEFORE we bought them.”
SHEGO: “That's OK, if they don't fit or if I don't like them, I'll just burn the clothes and throw the ashes in your face.”
Shego took the clothing, going into the bathroom and shutting the door. She glanced at her hands, frowning. They were glowing again. Either I’m even more upset than I think… thought Shego. Or it’s been too long since I discharged.
Shego tried to remember back to when she had done a full discharge. She avoided doing them, since they left her temporarily weak and vulnerable, but they were still necessary if her powers weren’t going to spontaneously trigger. Haven’t done a discharge since I was with Drakken…
SHEGO: “Oh yeah, I was throwing plasma, henchmen were running and screaming like little girls… good times.”
I remember now, I was thinking I would need to fully discharge soon, and then I heard the news from Drakken’s mole in Global Justice. Shego stripped off the clothes, standing in only a forest-green pair of panties and bra, then tugged on the clothes Kim had picked out. At least she has good taste, but I already knew that.
SHEGO: “But cannibals don't want people with good taste, they want people who taste good!”
RON: “Suddenly I have a craving for a tuna fish sandwich.”
Kim smiled when Shego came out. The V-neck showed off Shego’s graceful neck, drawing the eye to her shiny black collar. Also, while Kim preferred pants for casual wear, the skirt looked very good on Shego, emphasizing her hips and long legs. “You look great, Shee-ga-roo!” cheered Kim.
KIM (Waving her fists): “Rick-a-racker, firecracker, sis boom bah! Shee-ga-roo, Shee-ga-roo, rah, rah, rah!”
Hey, looks like the evil bitch queen has retreated thought Shego. “Um, Kim… can we go to the backyard? There’s something I have to do.”
Kim frowned. “You’re not going to go to the bathroom out there or something, right?”
RON AND SHEGO: “KIM!”
KIM: “Fan-Fic Kim is creeping me out.”
“Nothing like that!” said Shego, hurriedly. “It’s my powers. If I don’t use them for awhile, the energy builds up. Stress and exposure to sunlight causes the energy to build faster, and it’s been pretty stressful with the GJ and y… the police. I need to do a full discharge.”
“What’s that involve?” asked Kim. “Anything dangerous?”
SHEGO: “Only if you ask nicely.”
“Not if I discharge it voluntarily.” said Shego. “An involuntary discharge… and that has happened, when I went too long without draining my powers… Well, Go City needed a new school building, anyway. And a new library. Um, and new books, also.”
SHEGO: “And new students were easy to find.”
“Ok, ok… so pet needs to discharge. You can do that outside?” said Kim.
“Sure.” said Shego. She pointed straight up. “One plasma blast that-a-way, and I’m fine.”
Kim got out the smart leash and clipped it to Shego’s collar, not noticing Shego’s faint shudder. Kim flipped the kimmunicator open. “Wade, check to make sure there’s no aircraft or satellite overhead. Shego says she has to discharge.”
RON (As Wade): “Ooo, kinky stuff! Can I watch?”
Bitch queen’s back thought Shego, but didn’t protest as Kim led her to the middle of the back yard.
“Ok…” asked Kim. “Do I need to do anything?”
“Just stand back.” said Shego.
Shego: “Next to that bull's eye.”
“Air space overhead is clear.” reported Wade, over the Kimmunicator. Kim stepped back as far from Shego as she could, while still holding the leash.
Shego lifted her head and took in a deep breath. She lifted her hands up, bringing them together over her head. Both hands suddenly burst into dark-green flames, the energy flickering all the way from her elbows to her fingertips. The glow grew brighter and brighter, until Kim had to turn her head or else risk be blinded. Suddenly, a ball of green energy erupted skywards, leaving Shego’s arms and hands pale white, with no hint of flames.
ALL: “Oooo! Ahh!” (Applause)
“Ok… all discharged.” said Shego, in a dull voice, and then slumped forward.
Kim, unthinking, rushed forward to break Shego’s fall.
KIM: “OW! Get off me!”
“Shego! Are you ok?” asked Kim, for once not using Shego’s ‘pet’ name.
“Yeah… fine, Kimmy.” said Shego. “I’m always… bit drained after a full discharge. I’ll be ok in a bit.”
“Let’s get you inside where you can lay down.” said Kim. “Would you like something to eat or drink?”
huh, Kim’s being nice again… thought Shego. When she’s like this, makes up for being… how did Stoppable put it? An EBQFH. “I’ll be fine.” she said, already feeling steadier. Shego glanced around. “You know, if you fenced this in, I could go out here even without a leash.”
SHEGO (Singing): “Please unleash me, let me go.”
Kim glanced around. “Um, I’d have to ask my dad… how much would putting a fence in cost?”
Shego smiled. “I’d be willing to pay for it, if he agreed. No offense, but I’d like to be able to go outside and run around while you’re at school.”
Kim shrugged. “I’ll talk with dad. And remember, spring break is coming up soon… no school for a week.”
RON: “And if Shego went to school, that would mean something.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
“Sir, massive energy surge from the Possible home.” reported one of the global justice agents assigned to monitor Shego and Kim.
“Anything illegal?” said Director Avery Juan-Dize. He frowned. “It’s not another of that Dr. Possible or his sons’ experiments, is it?”
KIM: “Heh, heh. Labor Day, 1998.”
“I don’t think so, sir.” said the agent. He tapped commands on a keyboard.
“We’ve cross referenced it… the surge is similar to a surge that we’ve picked up near Drakken’s lairs before. It‘s usually a month or more before another surge will show up.”
“Ah, so maybe Drakken is still working with Shego.” said Director Juan-Dize.
“Should we bring in Dr. Drakken?” asked Will Du. He’d been surprised they had let Dr. Drakken alone as long as they had. Without Shego to help him, Global Justice should have been easily able to arrest Dr. Drakken and his small army of goons.
SHEGO: “It's good to know SOMEBODY recognizes my talents.”
“Not yet, just monitor him.” said Director Juan-Dize. “With any luck, he’ll contact Shego and we can grab them both.”
RON: “Wow, he made a smart decision for once.”
KIM: “Who are you and what did you do with Director Juan-Dize?”
Will Du sighed. “Yes, director.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
“Behold, henchman #357, my Cyber Divider Spider!” said Dr. Drakken, pointing to the center of the large garage. A giant metal spider, with a main body about the size of a Volkswagen bug and eight powerful black legs, stood there.
“Yes, Dr. Drakken” said Ken Nenfodder, Henchman #357.
SHEGO (Mind controlled voice): “It is lovely and you look good in this light.”
KIM: “JEEZE! Don't do that!”
He wished Shego was back. First, when Shego was here, Dr. Drakken did all his boasting to her. Second, for a man with desires for world rule, Dr. Drakken had very little management ability. When Shego gave an order you obeyed it right then or else, but at least she gave clear, succinct orders. Dr. Drakken’s orders tended to ramble and be contradictory, as if the mad genius had trouble remembering what he was talking about.
RON: “I thought that only happens when he tries to say my name.”
“Are you beholding? Huh?” demanded Dr. Drakken. “I need feedback here.”
“Um, it’s a very nice giant metal bug?” said #357.
“Bug? Bug?” said Dr. Drakken. “Please! Count the legs! It’s a SPIDER!”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Shego sat in Kim’s room, eating and considering the events of the day. Dr. Possible’s joking edict about ‘no pets at the dinner table’ gave Shego the perfect excuse to avoid Kim’s family while they ate. Happy family togetherness time was a concept Shego was not used to, and found it rather disconcerting.
SHEGO: “Their constant smiling is like living with pod-people in a sci-fi movie.”
After Club Banana, Kim had gone on and bought an inflatable mattress, along with pillows, sheets, and blankets. Shego was trying to decide whether or not she’d sleep on the mattress, or try to sneak into Kim’s bed again. If she’s the Evil Bitch Queen, mattress; otherwise, Pandaroo can sleep there decided Shego.
KIM: “Uh, Pandaroo is a stuffed animal and doesn't really sleep.”
Shego finished eating and set the silverware, plate, and glass on Kim’s desk, making a mental note to take it down to the kitchen later. Shego yawned. Shego was a night person usually, but between the fact that she hadn’t slept much last night and had just recently done a full discharge, she was ready to fall asleep.
She pulled off the black sandals she was wearing and laid down on the bed, soon curling up and falling asleep.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Dinner was going well, thought Kim. Her dad had agreed to let a fence be put in, provided Kim paid for it. Which Kim was willing to do, using Shego’s money. Tim and Jim, for once, were behaving themselves.
KIM: “I had told them that I still had the mind-control chips and they shut up.”
“Oh, Kim.” said Kim’s mom. “There’s a medical convention coming up over spring break, and my hospital wants to send me to attend. I was thinking of making this a family outing, but the hotel has a no pets policy and you said that Global Justice was really trying to crack down on Shego’s pet status. Do you want to come and get someone to pet sit, or stay here by yourself?”
Kim blinked. She had promised Shego she’d be spending spring break with her.
“I’d rather stay here, mom.” said Kim. “Just in case Shego needs help. Since I‘ve dealt with Shego in the past, Global Justice has to accept my ability to control her.”
RON: “Maybe that's what she WANTS you to think!”
SHEGO: “You're not as dumb as everybody says you are.”
RON: “Thanks. (Pause) HEY!”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Kim came upstairs, not sure how to tell Shego that it would be just them two staying here for spring break. She was sure the two of them could find something to do to keep themselves busy. Much to her surprise, she found Shego snoring on her bed, taking up the entire usable bed surface.
KIM: “I was surprised that Shego can spread herself like peanut butter.”
“Shee-ga-roo!” said Kim playfully, shaking Shego awake. “Bad dog.”
“Huh… what?” said Shego, startled awake. “Is the lair about to blow up? Someone trip and hit the self destruct button again?
RON: “I didn't do it, I was somewhere else! Ask Rufus!”
“Shee-ga-roo!” said Kim. The reminder that Shego had used to live with Dr. Drakken affected Kim’s euphoria, much like a bucked of cold water being dumped on an unsuspecting victim “You are NOT a villain anymore, you’re here with me. And you fell asleep on my bed!”
KIM: “Well what are beds for if not for sleeping, Fan-Fic Kim?”
SHEGO: “Well there's always--”
KIM: “OK, I know about THAT stuff, I do have an Internet connection you know. I mean… I've uh… heard the girls talking in the locker room.”
RON: “Awk-ward!”
“Oh… sorry, pumpkin.” said Shego. “Still a bit tired from the…”
Kim didn’t let Shego finish her excuse. “Look, you need to go take the dishes back to the kitchen.” she said.
Shego picked up the eating utensils she had used earlier. Ok, definitely the mattress… the bitch queen is back.
Kim changed into her pajamas. Sheesh, what sort of person would WANT to sleep somewhere that could blow up around them? thought Kim, as she laid down in the bed. The warmth from Shego’s body could still be felt. Maybe I was a little rough on her… thought Kim.
SHEGO: “'MAYBE'?”
I should… Kim never finished the thought, as she fell asleep.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Shego marched up the stairs.
RON: “You had a good home but you left…”
KIM AND SHEGO: “You're right!”
RON: “Your baby was there when you left…”
KIM AND SHEGO: “You're right!”
She had helped with the dishes, washing while Mrs. Dr. Possible put them away. One advantage Shego had when it came to dishwashing was she never needed to add more hot water… a quick, plasma charged hand in the water brought it back to hot. Of course, this close after a full discharge, she had to be careful not to try to do too much.
SHEGO: “I have fantastic cosmic powers and I'm using them to heat dish water. This story is killing my self-esteem.”
Thinking back on the day, and Kim’s attitude, was getting Shego angry again. She pushed open the bedroom door, ready to have it out with her ‘owner’… only to see Kim, laying in bed and deep asleep.
Shego sighed. “I ought to shake you awake.” she said, but softly so not to disturb the younger girl’s slumber. Instead, Shego laid down on the inflated mattress, pulling the sheets around her.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
KIM: “Look out! Drakken's been cloning me again!”
Kim came home from class, growling.
RON: “No Kim, SHEGO'S the dog, remember?”
Today had been the last chance to practice with the cheerleading squad before spring vacation, and Kim had wanted to make this practice count. Unfortunately, Bonnie had been particularly snippy. Despite Kim’s caution, Bonnie had somehow found out that Kim had a new ‘pet’ and she’d delighted in needling Kim all through practice. “Hey, Kim… When you two are together, who wears the leash?” “Hey, Kim… Why did you need another pet? Got bored with just Ron?”
RON: “OK, this is too much like the real Bonnie for comfort.”
“Oh, Kim… did you say mad dog or bad dog?” The constant commentary had finally driven Kim to actually make a mistake doing a routine,
SHEGO: “What! Miss perfect made a mistake? I don't believe it!”
RON: “Notify the media!”
exactly the result Bonnie had been trying for. The mistake had Kim wind up hitting the ground, hard. The bruise on Kim’s back was nothing compared to the humiliation and self-anger Kim felt. As a result, Kim’s current mental attitude could be summed up in one word: Pissed.
Shego paced the confines of the Possible homestead. Kim’s parents were still at work, Kim was staying late at some activity at school, and even the tweebs were attending a rocketry club meeting. If the backyard fence had been completed, she could at least have gone outside. However, since it wouldn’t be done until Monday, Shego had been forced to stay inside. She was bored; extraordinarily bored.
KIM: “'Board of directors'.”
RON: “'All aboard'.”
SHEGO: “'Room and board'.”
She had gone through the house, twice, searching for something to do. She was tired of reading, especially since most of the books she had found in the house were extremely esoteric tomes, of the type that could only be understood by… well, brain surgeons and rocket scientists. Nothing on television seemed to interest her. As a result, Shego’s current mental attitude could be summed up in one word: Bored.
RON: “We covered that.”
Kim opened the door to her house. “Kimmy!” shouted Shego, pouncing to wrap her arms around Kim.
SHEGO: “And put her into an 'atomic pile driver'.”
RON: “Steel Toe rules!”
In her current mood, Shego would have been glad to see Ron if it meant a chance to get out of the house.
“Shee-ga-roo!” snapped Kim. “Down!” After hearing all of Bonny’s venomous comments, Kim was in no mood for Shego to be jumping all over her.
KIM: “Because she was shedding all over my cheer uniform!”
Shego didn’t notice Kim’s mood, just to eager to get out. “Come on, Kim, lets go.”
Kim groaned, getting out the smart-leash and fastening it to the end of Shego’s collar. “Come on, Shee-ga-roo.”
Evil Bitch Queen is back thought Shego, then relaxed as the sunlight hit her body. She had enjoyed tanning herself even before the meteor accident.
Afterwards, however, she had discovered a new pleasure to soaking in the sun.
SHEGO: “But flying millions of miles TO the sun was a bit of a hassle.”
She no longer tanned, but also no longer had to worry about getting sun burned. The feeling of sunlight hitting her body, as her meteor-mutated body turned the ultra-violet radiation into plasma energy she could tap, was a sensation she couldn’t describe but loved to experience. The real reason she wanted the back yard fenced in so she could lay out there, as content as any cat curled up in a sun beam.
Most of the time, the sight of Shego enjoying herself and NOT trying to pummel Kim would have brought a smile to Kim’s face. Today, however, Shego’s frolic just made Kim feel worse in comparison.
KIM: “Fun. Bah, humbug!”
Shego, on the other hand, was frantically looking for some way to get some exercise. Kim might get her exercise with cheerleading practice, but Shego was used to doing so in a hand-to-hand fight… either with Kim herself, or a couple of combat droids, or even (when Shego was really desperate) a couple of Drakken’s henchmen.
SHEGO: “I love that funny squeaky sound they make when you hit the henchmen's bellys!”
Kim glanced around, wishing Shego would get the idea and head home. Shego suddenly saw a man she recognized as one of Dr. Drakken’s goons. She moved toward him, grinning.
RON: “Oh look, Shee-ga-roo's found a new friend!”
SHEGO: “Friend, yeah. Hee hee.”
The goon, who was out for an afternoon constitutional, spotted Shego and Kim at about the same moment Shego spotted him. All of Dr. Drakken’s staff were well aware why Shego had been sent away… and were aware that Shego might be blaming Dr. Drakken and them. He yelped in fear and turned, running.
KIM: “Wow, Dr Drakken actually spent the extra twenty bucks to hire a SMART henchman!”
Shego started to charge after him. Kim, not expecting Shego to start running, got yanked off her feet. She landed, right on the bruise she had gotten from cheerleading practice. Angrily, without thinking about it, Kim yanked back on the handle of the leash, causing the smart leash to deliver a punishing shock to Shego’s neck.
SHEGO: “Aw, I never have any fun!”
Shego yelped, dropping to her knees and her hands reaching for the leash and collar around her neck. Kim got to her feet. “BAD SHEE-GA-ROO!” snarled Kim.
“BAD!”
“But… that guy…” said Shego, pointing.
Kim was in no mood to listen to explanations. “Pets do NOT chase after things!” said Kim, clearly demonstrating a complete lack of knowledge of conventional pets.
RON: “That's true, Rufus used to chase cars.”
KIM: “How could he do that?”
RON: “I never said that he was any GOOD at it.”
“I can’t believe you. All you have to do every day is lounge around, eating my mom’s cooking, and then you can’t even behave on a walk.”
Shego snapped. “Look, princess, I don’t know what ego-trip you’re on, but do you think it’s EASY being a pet? You’d snap in a week!”
Kim growled. “Hah! I see I’ve been too lenient! YOU wouldn’t last one week with a proper pet trainer, like Monique!”
SHEGO: “Attention passengers, we are now flying over a strange land.”
Shego blinked, startled by the apparent non sequitur. “Monique? The fashion girl?”
“Yeah.” said Kim. “And if you were actually INTERESTED in me, you’d know that Monique’s dad trains police dogs, and that she’s helped train most of the dogs in this area.”
RON: “But if Shego WAS interested in KP, why would she even care what Monique's dad did for a living?”
KIM: “Don't ask me, I'm just along for the ride.”
Shego shook her head, refusing to be distracted. “Look, Kim, I don’t know what your definition of being too lenient is but…”
Kim snarled. “Ha! I’ll bet I could be twice the pet you are!”
SHEGO: “WHOOP! WHOOP! Bad choice of words alert!”
Shego blinked, then smirked. The imp in her head was hard at work. “Bet, princess? Do you mean that?”
Kim blinked, seeing Shego suddenly smiling. “What do you mean, Sheg… Shee-ga-roo?”
“You said you and I were staying by ourselves over spring break, and that Monique has experience handling dogs.” said Shego. “How about, for that week, we have Monique over, treating us both like dogs? If one of us ‘wimps out’ before the week is over, she loses the bet.”
RON: “Just when I thought this story couldn't get any stranger, it throws THIS at us.”
Kim couldn’t believe what Shego was saying. “Why would I agree to that? What would we be wagering?”
SHEGO: “Your SOUL!”
Shego considered. “If you win… not that you will… I’ll do any pet trick you want, until I get my humanity legally restored. Fetch your slippers, roll over… anything. I win, you don’t call me Shee-ga-roo anymore and stop treating me the way you have.”
Kim frowned. “I don’t think that…”
RON: “No you don't, Fan-Fic Kim.”
“Scared, princess?” said Shego. “Finally found something you can’t do?”
KIM: “Don't do it, Fan-Fic Kim!”
(Ron and Shego make 'chicken' noises)
“Fine!” said Kim. “You’ve got a bet.”
KIM: “Great, I'm ashamed to share the same name as you!”
“Good.” said Shego, practically purring
RON: “Dogs don't PURR!”
Kim sighed. “Whatever, let’s just get this walk over with.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Monique hummed, happily. It was Friday afternoon, the last school day before a week long break from school. While Monique didn’t have any specific plans for the week, she was sure she’d find something to do to enjoy herself. She closed her locker door, and was surprised to see Kim, looking a bit nervous.
KIM: “Monique, why do you have a picture of Professor Dementor in your locker?”
“Hey, girlfriend, what’s up?” said Monique.
“Um, Monique… did you have any plans for next week?” Kim asked.
SHEGO: “Going to ask her out, Kimmie?”
KIM (Whisper): “Don't get Ron started on THAT again, Shego.”
“Not really.” said Monique. “What about you? Going to be hanging out with Ron?”
“No, Ron’s parents are taking him to some Jewish culture festival.” said Kim.
“Monique, how much do you charge to pet sit someone for a week?”
“Pet sit?” said Monique. “Oh, you mean Shego? Are you going somewhere for a week?”
“Not exactly.” said Kim. “Um, this is kind of embarrassing… can we go somewhere to talk about this, in private?”
Kim felt herself blushing. She would be prepared to drop the whole idea right now, except it would mean admitting to Shego that Shego had won the bet. Kim’s pride wouldn’t let that happen.
RON: “That's what Fan-Fic Shego's counting on, it's a trap!”
Monique raised an eyebrow. “Ok…” She followed Kim into an open, empty classroom.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
“You want me to WHAT?” demanded Monique.
“Pet sit Shego and I. For a week.” said Kim, repeating herself. “It’s part of a bet, between me and Shego…”
Monique considered. Part of her suspected this had something to do with how she had seen Kim acting like the EBQFH with Shego earlier. “So, I’m supposed to treat you both as much as I can as a pair of dogs I’m training?”
RON: “Kim, are we old enough to be reading this?”
KIM: “I'm sure all the stories were screened before GJ and dad selected them.”
SHEGO: “But DNAmy sent this to us, remember?”
(They look at each other and shudder)
Kim nodded, wishing she could stop blushing.
Monique scratched her head. “How would your parents deal?” she asked.
KIM: “Off the bottom of the deck, but don't tell them I said that.”
“Mom and dad are going out for spring break, and taking the tweebs with them.” explained Kim. “You could spend the week with me, I’ll just tell Mom and Dad I asked you over for the company.”
Monique knew her parents would be ok with her spending the week at Kim’s, especially if she told her parents she was there helping Kim keep up with the house. “What about what you said, about paying me?” she asked.
“Shego found that Global Justice didn’t manage to lock up all her accounts… she transferred some money into a pet account I can use. I can pay you from that.” said Kim.
SHEGO: “It's like embezzlement, only legal.”
Monique considered it. “Well… if I’m going to do this right, I won’t have time to work at Club Banana. How about my normal Club Banana week’s salary?”
“Deal.” said Kim.
RON: “Red deuces are wild, pairs or better to open.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Monique followed Kim into her house. Monique’s pet sitting wouldn’t start until Sunday afternoon, but Monique wanted a chance first to see what equipment Kim had, and plan out what she’d need.
“Shee-ga-roo!” called Kim.
Shego looked up from the couch, where she’d been re-reading a trashy romance novel she had found in Kim’s room, for lack of anything better to do. “Hi, Monique!” said Shego. “So, did pumpkin actually manage to bring herself to ask you?”
SHEGO: “So when's the wedding?”
“Yah.” said Monique.
Kim glanced at her watch. “Ok, let’s run up to my room and look around… gotta be quick, I promised to meet with Ron in a few minutes at Bueno Nacho.”
“Actually, Kim” said Monique. “Why don’t you go now? I’m sure Shego can show me around.”
“Ok… Shee-ga-roo, be good for Monique. I’ll walk you when I get back.” said Kim, heading for the door.
Monique waited till Kim had left, then turned to Shego. “She been like this all the time with you?” Monique asked, sympathetically.
Shego blinked in surprise. Since Monique was one of Kim’s best friends, Shego had expected Monique to see things from Kim’s perspective. To tell the truth, it was one of the things that had been worrying Shego about the bet. “Yes.” Shego admitted.
“The EBQFH, to use Ron’s term.” said Monique. She sighed. “I swear, I love that girl like a sister, but there are times I just want to KHITB.”
RON: “Kiss Harry In The Bleachers.”
“Um…” said Shego.
“Kick her in the butt.” said Monique. “Kim’s cool most of the time, but every now and then she gets caught up in the whole ‘my way or the highway‘ vibe.”
“Well, this is one of those times.” said Shego. “I’m hoping some time with HER as a pet will help her get out of it.”
KIM: “This is starting to sound like a Twilight Zone episode.”
RON: “We should be so lucky.”
“This could work.” said Monique. “And I’ll do my best. Understand, though… if I do this, I’m going to treat you BOTH alike. That means if either of you disobey, it’s going to be the spray bottle or a rolled up newspaper.”
Shego smiled. “Works for me… Kim’s already used a shock leash on me.”
SHEGO: “You know, I just might get me one of those 'shock leashes'.”
RON: “Why would you want one?”
SHEGO: “Let me put it this way: 'Shego, let me tell you about my latest plan!' 'Sure Dr D, right after I yank your chain.' 'AIEEEE!'.”
KIM: “You're evil.”
SHEGO: “Thank you.”
Shego showed the leash and her collar to Monique, then explained their properties. She then showed Monique where she had been sleeping, on the inflatable mattress of Kim’s room.
“Ok, I’m definitely going to need some things.” said Monique. “First, contact Wade and have him make up another leash and collar set for Kim. Second, treating you equal means getting you matching beds. Think you can convince Kim to pay me in advance?”
“How much is Kim paying you?” asked Shego, curious. When she was told the amount, she blinked. “You’re kidding, right? I couldn’t get a henchman to clean a lab for that kind of money.”
SHEGO: “She's paying you in Mexican pesos? I couldn't get a starving henchman for that kind of money!”
Shego reached for a phone, dialing Wade’s number from memory. As she dialed, she looked at Monique. “You have a bank account, right?”
“Yeah.” said Monique. “But…”
“Wade here.” said the boy’s voice, over the phone. “Is that you, Kim?”
“Shego here.” said Shego. “Look, Wade, Monique is here and needs some things.
KIM: “English lessons for starters, that 'initial' thing she does is really annoying.”
But first, I want you to transfer three hundred dollars from that account…”
“Three hundred?” gasped Monique. That was twice what she had asked from Kim.
“Make that five hundred.” said Shego, grinning at Monique’s reaction.
SHEGO: “Now shut up or I'll raise your pay again!”
“I want you to transfer five hundred into Monique’s account from my Swiss account. Here’s Monique with her account information, and the details on some stuff she wants you to make for her.”
“I always pay for good service.” said Shego, as she handed the phone to Monique.
Well, always pay when I can’t get it some other way, admitted Shego to herself.
Monique blinked, and began talking to the boy genius. Monique wasn’t sure what next week was going to hold, but it was definitely going to be interesting.
In the next chapter: Monique the Pet Sitter!
KIM: “And on that note, we're out of here.
(Doors)
1*2*3*4*5*6
In the other part of the ship, Ron, Shego and Rufus were playing Monopoly. Shego was counting out some money, laying it in front of Rufus.
“One hundred and ten, one hundred and twenty. Yeah laugh it up, you little nudist, just wait until you land on a railroad!”
“Listen to me you guys, it's my way or the highway!” Kim said, entering the room.
“If you say so, KP. Do you want to join the game?” Ron asked.
“No! I don't want to play some stupid game and you shouldn't play it either!”
“Yeah, as soon as we finish the game,” Shego said without looking up. “Make your move, Stoppable.”
“OK, I want to buy a house for Pennsylvania avenue.”
“Ron, you already have a monopoly. Don't waste time and money on just one house, save up and buy a lot of houses at once.” Kim advised.
“I have my own strategy Kim, thanks anyway.”
“Come on you guys, this story made me realize how badly I act sometimes and I want to get it all out in the open!”
“Yes, you sometimes do act like a total jerk. But what's with the costume?” Ron asked.
“This is my Evil Bitch Queen From Hell costume. I'm wearing it so you can mock and ridicule me.”
“It's a good costume,” Observed Shego. “You have your crown, horns and pitchfork, but what's the Collie tail for?”
“That's the 'bitch' part.” KP told them.
“Ah, a play on words. Clever.”
“Thank you. Now we are going to get this bitch queen thing out in the open so you can deal with it!”
“It's OK Kim, I've learned to live with it. Your move, Rufus.”
“Come on Ron, you shouldn't have to put up with my evil bitchiness. It's not healthy!”
“Kimmie, I've seen your 'bitch queen' act and believe me, you may be annoying and unpleasant, but 'evil and bitchy', not so much.”
“And she's not so much a 'queen from Hell' either, she comes on more like a spoiled brat.”
“Sno wite ona ba'day!”
“You said it, Rufus. It's more like Snow White on a bad day.”
“Stop trying to make excuses for me! I'm a bitchy control freak and I want to put an end to this once and for AAAIIIEEEEE!!!!” Kim shrieked as Shego pulled her waist band open so Ron could pour a glass of cola and ice down Kim's pants.
“Come on six! Ronnie needs Park Place!”
“I… I'm going to change my pants.” Kim whispered.
“Yeah you do that, princess. You landed on 'Community Chest', what's the card say, sidekick?”
“It doesn't make sense, Shego. 'Go to the theater. Go directly to the theater, do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.'”
“Huh. That sounds like WE HAVE STORY SIGN!”