“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
somewhere alone in the bitterness.
And had I stayed up with you all night,
then I'd know how to save a life.”
“How to Save a Life”, The Fray
Although Kim found herself entering Shego's hospital room the following night, she couldn't say that she was any more “ready” for it than she'd been before. In fact, it was one of the hardest things she'd ever done.
But she had a new mission, one that wouldn't end any time soon, and she wasn't sure when she'd be back in Middleton. This had to happen now.
As Kim stood in the doorway, however, her courage almost broke. Shego looked almost translucent, even frailer than she'd seemed when she first crashed through Kim's dormitory window all those months ago. Her head was bandaged, and Kim could tell that those gorgeous wavy locks of hers, a kind of hairstyle she'd never seen anyone else manage, had been shaved and would be a long time growing back. She barely even moved as the machines surrounding her moved her heart for her. She looked weak and helpless.
Shego had escaped from a cage earlier that year, and Kim had put her back in one, one from which there was no hope of escape.
Sadly, Kim approached the bed and took a seat next to it. “Hey,” she whispered. “You can wake up now. This is just one of your ambushes, right? Open your eyes, give me that trademark smirk?”
Kim unbuttoned her coat and removed it. Shego's catsuit still felt uncomfortable. Not the one her mother's surgical team had cut off of Shego, but the one her mother had saved, the one she'd worn that one time years ago when… she ruthlessly stamped that line of thought out. Thinking of that day meant thinking of how Shego had collapsed yesterday, all because she pushed a button. Anyway, she'd get used to it. She'd thrown her old mission clothes away after she got home yesterday. They were the remnants of a younger, more naive Kim who no longer existed.
“This is what you wanted, isn't it?” she asked. “You stood me in front of that mirror on the Seniors' island, wearing your clothes, and you talked about a world where I could walk away from everything and everyone I knew. Well, I'm doing it now. Except I'm leaving you behind too.” Kim paused. “Your body, anyway. I've stolen your look in your honor, at least. You'd probably enjoy that. And your voice will always be with me.”
She could certainly still hear Shego's angry final words to her on the football field, and the bitter self-loathing Sappho had captured digitally. Kim would never let go of those memories. She would drive herself with them. She couldn't allow herself to forget the damage her failures to act, to break old boundaries, had caused.
“I'm leaving tonight, you see,” Kim explained. “No more college, no more family, no more Ron. They wouldn't understand what I'm going to do. Ron certainly didn't when he got between me and Drakken on the return flight yesterday. He doesn't understand who I've become. I'm a killer, Shego. I'm no longer bound by those childish morals of my teenage years. It doesn't affect me any more. I thought I was upset when I killed Mrs. Acceptable, but that no longer matters. What matters is you. You're already dead, the machines just don't know it yet. And I'm the one who did it to you. I - I can't have more innocent blood on my hands, Shego. And if that means getting the blood of the guilty on my hands, then so be it.”
“I'm going to track down Monkey Fist, and Professor Dementor, and every man and woman who wants to destroy the world or harm innocent people, and I'm going to make sure they can never do that EVER again.”
Kim closed her eyes. “I'm under no illusions. Doing this is going to destroy me too. But the way I see it, I don't know that I'm dead yet either.”
She stood up again. “I think - I think I could have loved you some day, Shego. Maybe. I think it's that 'what-might-have-been' which will haunt me most of all.”
“No regrets, Pumpkin.”
Kim froze. That was the voice in her head. It surely couldn't have -
“If you're going to steal my look, the least you could do is live up to it. I never allow myself to regret things, Kimmie.”
And Shego opened one eye.
Kim collapsed awkwardly back into her chair, almost falling off as she hurt her tailbone. “Sh-Shego…”
“Might want to work on the motor coordination too.”
“Shego - you're awake?”
Shego didn't answer at first, and for an awful moment Kim thought she'd been hallucinating. “I guess I am,” she finally said. “That would explain the talking.” Her lips curled just enough to almost become a smirk.
“B-But the chip! And my mother said you were never going to wake up!”
“Well, see, just two little problems with that. One, Dr. D's inventions NEVER work 100% as advertised. And two, 'comet healing power' never seems to be quantifiable enough to make it into my medical records.” She frowned. “Although man, I'm tired all of a sudden.” Her eye closed again.
“Shego, Shego!” Kim grabbed her shoulders. “You stay awake now, you got it? I'm not risking you falling back into a coma!”
“Sounds great, Kimmie,” Shego mumbled. “Who needs sleep?” But she favored Kim by opening both eyes this time, although her eyelids fluttered with weariness.
“Look, don't overexert yourself either,” Kim said hesitantly. “Just don't - I can't lose you again, Shego. Not after twice in one week.”
Shego looked at her. “Twice?”
“Well, yeah. When they said you'd never come out of your coma… and when I learned you'd gone back to Drakken.”
“Didn't want to see me yield to the Dark Side?” Shego asked sardonically.
“While I don't like seeing you waste yourself on evil, and certainly on Dr. Drakken,” Kim told her, “I was upset because I'd come to certain discoveries about myself the other night, and I thought I'd lost you before I had a chance to tell you.”
Shego didn't respond at first, and Kim could see that she was gathering her strength every time she said more than two words. “S' okay,” she finally muttered. “Not mad, not any more. Shouldn't have walked out on you in the first place - “
“And I shouldn't have told you that nothing could ever happen between us.”
“Well, doy,” Shego replied.
“You don't seem too surprised,” Kim said, “considering the last time we talked, I rejected you.”
“ 'I think I could have loved you some day.' Those words ring any bells?”
Kim blushed. “How - how much of what I said did you hear?”
“Enough. Heard that bullshit about killing.” Shego looked angry. “If I ever hear you talk about inflicting that kind of punishment on yourself again, I'll kill you myself!” But this last exclamation seemed to take a lot out of her, and her eyes closed.
“Shego?”
“I said, comet healing power. I'm getting better, not worse. Capisce?” Shego replied without opening her eyes.
“Okay, okay,” Kim said. She waited a moment. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Not dying. Saving both our lives. That sort of thing.” She took Shego's hand.
“No problem. Just go on wearing that suit and we'll call it even.” Shego smiled and squeezed Kim's hand just a little.
Kim smiled back, and realized she was crying. Good tears, the first in many days. “Just not on our first date, okay?”
“As long as you have something else in your closet that shows off your smokin' bod.”
The End.
Author's Note - I originally conceived this story picturing Kim hearing the chorus of “How to Save a Life” at Shego's funeral, but I eventually jettisoned that idea because killing Shego isn't something I can do lightly.