“Monique,” Ron bellowed, “when is Will going to get here?”
“He's on his way. He stopped in at Global Justice to finish up some paperwork.”
“Brown noser…”
“What was that, KP?”
“Nothing.”
“Why the confused face?”
“Wade just called to see if he and Drew were here yet…”
“Say what?”
“Look, I'm just repeating what he said. He wanted to know if tomorrow's test worked right. Those two scare me sometimes.”
“Focus, KP. Focus on what's important… my reputation as Snack Master. When are they going to be here? If I put snacks out too early the ice melts and Shego and Bonnie eat the best stuff before everyone else gets here. If I wait too long my rep may suffer.”
As if on cue, Shego and Bonnie walked in each carrying a two-year old. “Hey, Kim… Stoppable… Game time! I just saw the hovercraft setting down.” Shego glanced around, “Why aren't the snacks out yet?”
“See what I mean?” Ron threw the ice bucket to Kim, “Here, fill that up for me.” He hurriedly began setting up plates of cookies, bowls of chips and a variety of dips, a small mound of sandwiches and a fruit platter.
“You know we ate supper, right?”
“Please, Bonnie, I have a reputation to uphold.”
All conversation ended when the Kaysey and Sheki caught sight of the cookies, “Look, you can each have one. But Mommy and I don't want you to have too much sugar before bedtime.”
The sound of the front doorbell sent the miniature rockets off, leaving a vapor trail of crumbs as they ran into the entryway chanting, “Unca Drew, unca Drew.”
Kim came back with the ice bucket. “Check him for weapons before he gives anything to the girls,” she told Shego.
“You know the Doc would never do anything to hurt my girls.”
“And I also remember those flashlights he gave them that burned a hole in the wall.”
“Accidents can happen to anyone.”
“I'm just saying I just don't want any more accidents.”
Tonight's gift to Shego's daughters was equally sinister, a pair of whistles. He might have the psychiatrists fooled, Kim thought, but the man is still pure evil.
“Will is pulling up into the drive. Two little people need to go to bed.”
“Aww, Eemah, no fair.”
“Sorry squids, hugs for everybody and I tuck you in for the night.”
Will made it inside in time to collect his hugs. When Shego came downstairs they had saved her a place beside Kim.
“So, what will be the answer to the great question this week?” Wade solemnly intoned.
“What great question?”
“Will Ron keep his pants on or will he lose his shirt?”
“Well, we all know which one Bonnie is hoping for,” Shego laughed.
But, even as the game began, a plot was being hatched. Two prowlers, using the chaos of the game to cover their moves, planned a daring raid on a treasure hidden deep inside the old house.
“Anyone need anything while I’m up? Kim… You want another coke?”
“Please and thank you.”
“What’s the game?”
“Keep your pants on, Stoppable, I haven’t called it yet.”
“Hey! I haven’t lost my pants in weeks!”
“Do you really lose your pants that often, baby?”
The resounding “YES!” from everyone at the table just about knocked Bonnie over.
“And somehow, I never get to see it.”
“What?”
“Nevermind!”
“What’s the game?” Monique shouted from the kitchen.
“I haven’t called it yet!”
“Here’s your coke, Kim. Last chance for service…”
“I want service…”
“You’re just gonna have to keep wanting, brain boy.”
The two thieves inspected the hallway carefully before leaving their hiding place. The coast was clear, but they proceeded cautiously to the top of the stairs. The card players, completely unaware of the danger, continued playing and chatting.
“What’s the ante?”
“I haven’t even called the game yet!”
“Really Shego, you should control yourself.”
“I’ll show you control, Mr. Du…”
“Cards now Shego, pummeling later…” Ron’s voice trailed off as Shego put the deck through an impressive series of shuffles, rifles and one-handed cuts.
“Quit showing off and tell us the game, sweetie.”
“Et tu, Princess? Fine! Five card stud.”
“I hate this game.”
“That’s ‘cuz it’s a man’s game!”
“Just what are you implying… uh… um…? Shego, a little help here…”
“MY NAME IS RON STOPPABLE! You’ve been playing poker with me every Saturday for two years… you could at least try to remember my name!”
“You are right, Shego. He is very excitable.” Will allowed a rare smile to flit across his face.
This was a risky undertaking with so many people in the house. But all of them were congregated in one room, so the thieves figured that with proper timing and a little luck they could get in, get the goods and be out before anyone knew what was happening and by the time the theft was discovered, they would be long gone and there wouldn’t be any evidence to connect them with the crime.
“Who’s not in?”
“You’re putting me on? The whole time… You’ve been messing with my head?”
“Ron, you need to ante.”
“It’s so not the drama, Ron.”
“Who’s bet?”
“King bets.”
“Is that me?”
“You see any other kings on the table, your stiffness?”
“I’m King of the world!”
“You’re king of the nerds, he’s king of the betting.”
“I will bet fifty cents.”
“I’m out”
“Out.”
“What do you have under there, Will?”
“You will have to pay fifty cents to find out.”
“In or out, Kim?”
“Well, I was outed years ago…”
“Enough with the lesbian jokes!”
“Call.”
The two advanced carefully, watching out for each other and communicating in the easy manner of longstanding partners. The stairs were the trickiest part: the front stairs were further from the players, but more exposed. The back stairs offered greater privacy, but took them dangerously closer to the players.
“Raise a dollar.”
“Ron! You’ve only got a six showing!”
“And there’s another one under here but you’ll have to pay a dollar fifty to see it.”
“Too rich for me.”
“Out.”
“Out.”
“I am also out.”
“That leaves you, Kim.”
“I’ve got nothing… fold.”
“Like I said, this is a man’s game.” The flourish with which Ron turned over his hole card belied his words.
“A five…? If you were not such a good cook…”
“How dare you insult me like that?”
“What is he talking about?”
“Good?”
“You’ve insulted his cooking by labeling it as merely good.” Monique commented in a stage whisper.
“My culinary skills have no equal!”
“What’s the game?”
“You’ve got mad cooking skills, Ron.”
“Don’t dis the Ronster’s cooking skills!”
“Who’s not in?”
“Follow the queen.”
“You dis the mad culinary skills and you make your own dinner!”
“Calm down and ante, or I’ll light your hair on fire.”
“Kim! Protect me from your girlfriend’s wrath!”
“I’m trying to deal!”
Having recently learned that years of being hunted by stealthy predators has made humans wary of things sneaking around, the thieves moved casually and hoped that if anyone caught a glimpse of them out of the corner of an eye, they would be dismissed as non-threatening.
“What’s the game?”
“Follow the bitch!”
“She’s just sitting there, how can I follow her?”
“Kim! Protect me from your boyfriend’s lame insults!”
“I hate this game.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Give me a queen!”
“Don’t you already have one?”
“Sitting right here, Wade.”
“There’s my Queen!”
“And the wild card is… Seven! Sevens are wild.”
“What a stupid wild card.”
“First Ace bets.”
“Twenty-five cents.”
“Call.”
“What’s wild?”
“Stop making googley-eyes at your GF and pay attention.”
“Fold.”
“Call.”
“I’m out.”
“What’s it to me?”
“Quarter.”
“I call.”
There had been a lot of discussion about the wisdom of attempting this theft with everyone in the next room but both thieves had agreed that unless most of the house’s denizens were occupied, there was no chance at all. At least this way, everyone was concentrating on the poker game and that increased the odds of success tremendously.
“C’mon, Wade. Quit calculating the odds and just go with your gut.”
“There is a scientific way to do this.”
“Is that why you lose every week?”
“What did you fold, Shego?”
“I folded a pay-attention-next-time nerd boy. I may have folded two of them.”
“Funny. I’m out.”
“Call… let’s see the next card.”
“Who’s still in?”
“Give me another seven please!”
“You don’t have a seven.”
“Correction, I do not have a seven showing.”
“Hmph! With the seven Drew’s got showing, the seven Will has hidden and the three sevens I have over here I’d say someone is cheating.”
“Hey! I’ve got three sevens too!”
“You’re not even in the hand.”
“Pair of Jacks bets.”
“Fifty.”
“I’m out… Ron, why don’t you help me with something in the kitchen…?”
“Sure, Bon.”
“Get a room!”
Now they were past the stairs and into the hallway outside the room with the treasure. The thieves froze as two of the players walked out of the room and turned down the hall toward the kitchen. Fortunately, the blonde man and the Brunette woman were too interested in each other to see the motionless thieves, just behind them.
“Call.”
“I’m in.”
“Me too. Pot’s right?”
“Yeah.”
“For the love of chiffon…! Three jacks!”
“Dollar.”
“I believe that is my cue to fold.”
“Queen came up as the last card, next card’s wild…”
“Yes, but then he will still have three jacks showing, so I fold.”
“Call.”
“I’m gonna regret this but, I call.”
Quickly, the thieves ducked into the target room, and quietly set to opening the box containing their plunder.
“Pot’s right?”
“Pot’s right.”
“And the wild card is… Jack.”
“I fold.”
“Me too”
“Ha! With this pot, I shall build the ultimate…”
“Did you take your meds today, Drew?”
“Who called that game?”
“Kim.”
“Who’s deal?”
“Ron’s.”
“What’s the game, Ron?”
“Five card stud… low ball!”
“I hate…”
“Hold that thought, Dr. D…”
Prize in hand, the thieves set out for the door…
“SHEKI GO… KAYSEY ANNE… put the cookies down and get back upstairs… RIGHT NOW!
Busted!
“Aww, Eemah, no fair.”
A/N- Thanks to King in Yellow, who not only let me play in his yard but also made sure I had fun while I was there. If you have not already done so, you owe it to yourself to read KiY’s “Best Enemies” series and NoDrogs’ “Small Possibilities” series.