“Back on the horse so soon?”
Shego turned around sharply to see Kim Possible step out of the shadows and Ron Stoppable staying in them.
“Kim, you're here quick. I only managed to steal the Jade Kitten about twenty seconds ago.”
“Well, you did manage to trip every silent alarm you came across,” said Kim.
Shego grinned. “Did I now?”
“Why don't we forego the whole tedious business of me beating you and you just come along quietly?”
Shego flipped the little statue up into the air and caught it again. “Oh dear, give me the time to consider your proposal, would you Princess?”
“Sure,” said Kim. “How much time would you like?”
Shego tossed the statue into the air again. “Hmm. Not sure.”
Less than a second later, green plasma fire approaced Kim's face at high speed. Kim jumped, elegantly flipped over Shego, landed and turned around.
“Tsk, were you actually trying to catch me off guard?” said Kim. “Are you losing your touch?”
“Of course not,” said Shego. “But if I took you out with just one punch it wouldn't be any fun, now would it?”
“Sure it wouldn't,” said Kim.
Kim and Shego circled each other for a moment, until someone made the first move. It might have been Shego, but then again it might also have been Kim. Punches and kicks were thrown, but barely landed inbetween all the ducking and weaving.
Then Shego's face changed into a mask of pain. She groaned and the statue slipped from her fingers. By the time it hit the ground, the hand it had fallen from was definately a paw. Kim wasn't faring much better, her face contorted into expressions that didn't look good on any species. She'd fallen onto all-fours, the back of her pants bulging with something that should not be there.
Kim screamed and jumped back. Panting, her hair stopped trying to be fur and her features went back to being human.
Shego unsteadily got to her feet and stared at Kim with a look of astonished disbelief. Then she scooped up the Jade Kitten and ran for it.
Ron hurried over to Kim and helped her up. He looked decidedly pale.
“Thanks for the help,” said Kim.
“S-sure,” said Ron. “What just happened?”
“I think I was turning back into a dog.”
“But didn't Wade fix that?” said Ron.
“Apparently not,” said Kim. “And now Shego got away.”
“Don't worry, you'll get her next time,” said Ron.
“How?” said Kim. “In case you didn't notice, we both started to change. If it happens every time we're close, then…”
“Maybe it was just a fluke?” said Ron hopefully.
“Let's hope so. Anyway, I still started turning into a dog, so something's wrong in any case.”
“You can't be sure you were going to be a dog,” said Ron.
“Yes, I can,” said Kim. “I've got experience in these matters. Although last time it wasn't nearly as painful.”
Ron helplessly patted her arm. “Well, Wade will figure something out and everything will be alright. You know, eventually.”
Kim gave Ron a tired look. “Let's just go home,” she said.
The Jade Kitten was put onto the living room table with such force that it was amazing the table didn't break into pieces. Shego sank into a chair and moodily stared at it.
So. Princess’ little genius friend screwed up. Not particularly surprising. In Shego's experience, geniuses often did stupid things.
Still.
She'd been quite looking forward to fighting Kim. Mere theft wasn't anything to write home about, but snatching the prize away from under the nose of Kim Possible herself…
Oh hell, who was she kidding? She just liked fighting Kim. Nothing was as thrilling, as… intense as fighting her. The real prize wasn't just getting away with the loot, it was fighting with that… with Kim.
And now she couldn't. Shego had hung around with mad scientists long enough to know how this kind of thing went. Every single time she'd get close to Possible her body would suddenly think ‘hey, aren't I supposed to be a dog’ and do something to rectify the situation.
All of which added up to no more fights with Kim.
Great.
Wonderful.
No Kim Possible meant no opposition. No opposition meant that there wasn't a treasure she couldn't steal, no bank she couldn't rob, no crime she couldn't get away with.
No Kim Possible.
Shego grabbed the Jade Kitten off the table and flung it out the window. Then she dropped to her knees and screamed with something that might've been rage and might've been pain.
Kim went through school the next day feeling… weird. She was completely and totally human (a fact which she'd carefully checked before putting on her clothes in the morning). But she didn't really feel human. A world filled with colours was so strange as to be alien and she really, really missed her tail. She was practically in the mood to fetch sticks or run after cars. And nothing really smelled right. Or at all.
It was only a very small comfort to Kim that she didn't feel like she ought to have four more breasts as well.
“OK, Wade, talk to me,” she said, walking down the school parking lot, Kimmunicator in hand.
“Well, I'll know more when I do full body scan, but from what you've told me, I'd say you're… unstable.”
“You think?” said Kim.
Wade looked hurt. “Look, I'm not a mad scientist. Changing people into animals isn't really my area of expertise.”
“Sorry, sorry, I'm just… agitated.”
“Anyway, to put it simply, your body doesn't know what shape it's supposed to be.”
“Neither does my mind,” Kim muttered.
“What?”
“Nothing, forget it.”
“No, Kim, that's pretty big. What about your mind?”
“I just…” Kim sighed. “I don't want to be a dog, alright? I just feel like I should be.”
Wade was silent for a moment. “Oh.” Then, “Well, I think I've figured out a temporary solution for the physical problem anyway.”
“Temporary?” said Kim.
“For a permanent solution, your body is going to have forget it has ever been a dog in the first place,” said Wade. “And that's going to take some time. Right now, it knows two shapes.”
“Human and dog?”
“Right. And you've been human for too long. That shape is now getting weaker and the dog shape is getting stronger.”
Kim blinked. “Ooookay.”
“If you want be regularly human, you'll have to restore the balance and that means…”
“Spending time as a dog,” said Kim.
“Exactly,” said Wade.
“But I can't just turn into a dog on a whim, I…” She stopped and closed her eyes. “I have to spend time with Shego as well, don't I?”
“Sorry,” said Wade.
“No big,” said Kim. And then, realising that she said it, “Well, no major big. I mean, it's not like I…”
“I get it, don't worry,” said Wade.
“Just one thing, though.”
“What?”
“I have no clue where to find her. I mean, she doesn't strike me as the type who lives in some mad scientist's great lair of evil.”
Wade shrugged. “I can find out if you like,” he said. “Shouldn't be too hard.”
“No,” said Kim slowly. “No, I think I'll try something else first.”
Dr. Drakken picked up the phone. On the other side of the glass, Kim did the same.
“I thought the guards said I had a visitor,” said Drakken.
“You do,” said Kim. “Me.”
“Well, I have no interest in talking to you, so…”
“You know, I think you should listen to what I have to say first,” said Kim. She was smiling. It was the kind of smile Dr. Drakken had seen many times before, though usually not on Kim.
“Alright,” said Drakken slowly.
“I just wanted to ask you if you knew where Shego lives when she's not with you.”
“Of course I know that,” Drakken snapped. “But why should I tell you?”
“Out of the goodness of your heart?” Kim suggested.
“Hah!” said Drakken.
“Or maybe because I know James T. Kirkpatrick.”
Drakken blinked. “Who?”
“You probably know him as Bubba.”
“The Big, Bad Bankrobber?”
“That'd be him,” said Kim.
“Ha, you don't frighten me,” Drakken said. “You probably arrested him or something.”
“Actually, I saved his daughter from a runaway ice cream truck. He was very grateful for that. I mean, I never asked him for a favour, of course, but, you know, if I asked nicely I could probably persuade him to be your friend.”
Kim waited patiently until her words had sunk in.
“You can't do that to me!” Drakken shrieked. “You're the hero!”
“Yes, but I'm feeling very bitchy right now,” said Kim. “And anyway, doesn't everyone want to make friends?”
Drakken looked at Kim and her friendly, friendly smile and considered his options.
He told her the address. She thanked him, hung up the phone and walked away. She knew, of course, that threatening people was very wrong of her, but she secretly felt like wagging anyway.
The apartment building where Shego apparently lived was surprisingly pleasant. It was huge and clean and in excellent condition. People even held the door open for you. Walking up the staircase, Kim wondered if Shego somehow terrorised the tenants into acting all nice and friendly and then decided that probably wasn't her style.
Kim halted in front of what was presumably Shego's door and wondered what to do. Ringing the doorbell didn't really strike her as the best course of action. Fortunately, what with all the evil lairs she had to infiltrate, Kim had a great deal of experience with breaking and entering and she was about to put these skills to the test when she discovered that the door wasn't actually locked and smoothly swung open at her touch. Frowning, being careful not to make too much noise, Kim stepped inside. She didn't really know what to expect. Perhaps Shego had seen her coming and was waiting for her or perhaps some burglar had forced the door just before Kim had arrived.
Kim carefully pushed open a door at random.
Or perhaps Shego was lying on her bed.
It wasn't proper lying. That is to say, no human should lie on a bed like that. But it was perfectly ordinary lying if you were a dog.
Shego looked up. “What are you doing here?” There was some venom in her voice, but not much.
“Had a talk with Wade,” said Kim. “And then with Drakken.”
“Drakken actually gave you my address?”
“He did, after I threatened him with soap,” said Kim.
“So-? Oh, right.” Shego suddenly grinned. “Oh, that was nasty. Wish I could've been there.”
“Maybe next time,” said Kim. “Anyway, I'm here because of the, you know…”
“Canine question?”
“Yup.”
“Figured as much,” said Shego. “So what's the verdict?”
“If we want to stabilize, we need to spend some time as dogs,” said Kim.
“Sounds logical,” said Shego.
“It does?”
“When you've spent as much time with mad scientists as I have there's no limit to the amount of absurdity that sounds logical.”
“Well, so we'd better…”
Shego sprung off the bed, as far away from Kim as the wall would away. “Hold up there, Kimmie. You have to undress first.”
“What?” said Kim.
Shego sighed. “Remember when we got turned back into humans? All our clothes were suddenly gone? I mean, I don't know if it happens again, but I'm not going to let you borrow one of my outfits.”
Kim blushed. She'd been trying hard to forget that moment, when the world had turned colourful again and Shego had been standing right in front of her. Well, perhaps not trying hard, but definitely trying.
Definitely.
“Right,” said Kim.
“You can undress in the hallway or something,” said Shego.
Kim undressed in the living room, staring fixedly at a broken window. She vaguely wondered how it got broken, not out of any real interest in broken windows, but mostly so that it would take her mind off things. Or thing, actually. The thing she was about to do.
Kim blushed. She felt stupid for blushing, but there was nothing she could do about it. She took a deep breath, turned around and marched into the small hallway leading back to the bedroom.
As far as Kim could see, Shego had undressed as well. She was sitting on the bed, her back to the door.
“So…” said Kim.
Shego raised her head, but didn't turn around. “Just come over here and get it over with,” she said.
Kim knelt on the bed and leaned forward to Shego.
And then screamed as her skin started rippling and her insides started shifting. Shego bent double and groaned. Kim fell onto her stomach, one hand clawing (pawing) at the sheets, the other reaching out to Shego, who took it and held it until those hands too turned into paws.
Kim got to her feet.
“That… was unpleasant,” she panted.
“I'll say,” said Shego.
Kim opened her eyes and looked around. The world was beautifully monochrome again, with none of those harsh, strange colours that had been driving her nuts for hours. And, apparently, all the bits were in place. Wet nose, sharp teeth, fur, more… uhm… more on her stomach, paws, tail…
Tail!
Kim wagged it out of pure joy. She felt the quick urge to go chase after it, but decided against it.
“Don't you look happy,” said Shego, jumping onto the bed.
“I have a tail,” said Kim.
“Oh, the joy,” said Shego.
Kim tried to stick out her tongue, but quickly realised this wasn't very effective in her dog form. “You're just jealous because you only have a little stump.”
“I do not have tail envy, Lassie,” said Shego.
“Sure you don't,” said Kim and wagged again.
“Now you're just showing off.”
“Maybe,” said Kim. “How about we go take a stroll?”
“You want to go walkies?” said Shego.
“Why not? I mean, didn't you enjoy them before?” said Kim.
“Yes, but…”
Shego stopped. Kim was looking at her with great big puppydog eyes. The overall effect of sweet, huggeable cuddlyness was somehow amplified by the fact that she really was a dog.
“Fine, we'll go walkies,” said Shego.
“OK then,” said Kim, jumping off the bed. “Come on.”
“But I'm not chasing after frisbees.”
“Nobody asked you to,” said Kim.
“And I'm not running after cars or fetching sticks or anything.”
“Of course you're not.”
“Just so we're clear on that.”
“We're clear.”
“Well… good,” said Shego, slightly miffed at the fact that Kim had just given in like that.
First, however, there was an obstacle to overcome.
“Did I ever mention what should happen to the inventor of doors?” said Shego.
“A couple of times,” said Kim.
Kim and Shego sat in front of the front door. It was white, wooden and, above all, shut.
“Think you can reach the handle?” Kim said.
Shego got up on her hind legs, her paws scrabbling uselessly on the wood. Then she dropped back onto all-fours.
“No,” she said. “Let's try the fire escape.”
The window proved to be only marginally less difficult to open than the door, but eventually Kim and Shego managed to get it open and went through it onto the fire escape.
Kim turned around. “Shouldn't you shut that thing?”
Shego looked at her. “No. Why?”
“An open window would make it easier for people to break in for a start,” said Kim.
“Oh please,” said Shego. “It's not exactly a secret that I live here. Not to the people in the business, at least.”
“Are you saying people don't break in because you live here?”
“Mostly they don't because, if I find out who they are, I beat the living daylights out of them,” said Shego.
“Huh,” said Kim. “I suppose that's why everyone looks so happy to live here.”
“Yeah, I'm of great service to the community,” said Shego. “Now let's go.”
Kim and Shego trotted down the stairs and jumped onto the ground. Kim was about to leave the alley when something caught her eye.
“What's this?”
“Nothing, let's go.”
Kim used her paws to scrape some of the dirt away, even though she didn't have to. It was obviously a small statue of a cat. She couldn't actually see its colour, but she didn't really need to.
“Why is the Jade Kitten lying in this alleyway?” said Kim.
“None of your business.”
“Weren't you planning on keeping it? Or fencing it or something?”
“I said, none of your business,” Shego snapped.
“You should return it to the museum.”
“You do it,” said Shego. “I have no interest in it any more.”
“Then why did you steal it in the first place?”
“Let it go, Princess,” Shego growled.
“OK, fine,” said Kim. “Geez.”
A small, bland van drove slowly through the streets of Middleton. It was driven by Middleton's official dogcatcher - a small, bland man. He didn't much like his job. The people of Middleton, by and large, were law-abiding folk who didn't leave their dogs outside all alone without a collar. Even the evil geniuses and raving madmen made sure that the vicious dogs guarding their evil lairs were wearing their collars and had all the proper forms filled out. There was, it was true, a pack of practically feral stray dogs roaming the streets, but he rather liked his limbs the way they were so he didn't tangle with them either.
His name was Kurt Russell. He didn't much like this either.
So when he saw two dogs walking around with no leash, collar or owner in sight his day brightened considerably. One of the dogs, the doberman, was green in places, but he didn't give much thought to that little fact.
If he had, he would have had a decidedly longer career.
The annoyance Kim had felt over the Jade Kitten issue drained away with every step. She really liked walking. She'd never before appreciated the full joy of it. Somewhere she realised that she should probably be worried that she had so much fun pounding the pavement, but it was worry that could wait until later, because right now she simply had too much fun walking.
“This is kind of nice, isn't it?” said Shego.
“Yep,” said Kim.
“Just… walking.”
“That's right.”
“Bit weird when you come to think about it,” said Shego.
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, if we were human, I'd have much prefered to fight you.”
“Me too, probably,” said Kim. “I guess, when you're a dog, it's hard to stay human. You know, mentally.”
“Apparently,” said Shego. “Still, we're going to stay mostly human. Aren't we?”
“Wouldn't know, actually,” said Kim. “Probably.”
“Oh, that's comforting,” said Shego.
“Come on, we've been dogs for two weeks. We stayed human. Mostly.”
“Right. Of course.”
“So there's nothing to worry about.”
It was at that exact moment that a very large net descended on Shego.
“Oh, typical,” she said.
“I'll say,” said Kim.
“Hah! Got you!” said Kurt Russell.
Shego glared at him. “You'd better remove that net right now if you know what's good for you.”
“Whine all you want, I'm not letting you go,” said Kurt.
“Oh great, he can't understand me,” Shego muttered. “Kim, do something.”
“Like what?”
“I don't know. Bite him on the leg.”
“Eww.”
“Kim!“
Kurt hauled Shego up. “It's off to the pound with you,” he said happily. “But don't worry, after I drop you off, I'll come back and collect your ladyfriend.”
“My ladyfriend!?” Shego said.
Kim watched helplessly as Kurt closed the back of the van and drove off. She didn't know what to do. She should probably help Shego, but that would mean assaulting a government official and she wasn't really into that kind of thing.
Kim stared at retreating van. Then she gave in to her instincts and chased it.
Shego looked around her cage. It wasn't as impressive as a cage made by, say, Dr. Dementor, but it was more than sufficient in making sure she wasn't going anywhere. Still, the straw on the bottom was surprisingly soft and strangely comfortable and it would've almost been pleasant if it hadn't been for that wretched dogcatcher swaggering around on the other side of the bars.
“That's right,” said Kurt, a fresh cup of cocoa in his hand. “This is my town and no little mongrel like you could ever hope to break my rules.”
“Hey, I happen to be pedigree, thank you so very much,” said Shego.
“Yeah, you'll see some big changes now,” Kurt continued, waving his cup at her. “Kurt Russell won't be no laughing stock no more. First I'll catch your ladyfriend and then… and then… and then all you miserable furry bastards. Hah, let's see how you like them apples.”
“Oh shut up already,” said Shego. “You're not impressing anyone here.”
“Tomorrow Middleton, the day after tomorrow… I'll… I'll apply for a position someplace else and clean up those streets as well. Yeah, you'll see. Or you won't if you happen to get put down.”
Shego lay down. “Now I know how Kim must feel every time Drakken chains her up.”
Kurt didn't hear her, drunk on victory and hot cocoa and unable to understand her in any case. “The name of Kurt Russell will mean something all throughout the United States. Dogs will tremble upon hearing it and, and stuff.”
Shego rolled her eyes.
“OK, you've had your say, now let her go.”
Shego's ears perked up. “Kim!” she said. Realising how happy that sounded, she added, “what took you so long?”
“Well, excuse me for not having an internal combustion engine,” said Kim.
“You?” said Kurt. “How did you get in here?”
“You have a doggie flap in the door,” said Kim. “Honestly, what kind of pound has a doggie flap in the front door?”
“Doesn't matter, I'll deal with you soon enough.”
Kim ran forward, yapping. She wasn't quite sure what she'd do once she reached Kurt, maybe jump up at him maybe bite him, but as it turned out she wouldn't have to make that choice. On instinct, Kurt staggered backwards, spilling cocoa all over his chest.
“Ah! Hot!” he screamed.
He staggered back further, hit his desk and fell on top of it. His flailing arms send a small plastic holder flying up into the air and when it started to fall back to Earth it showered him in coloured metal.
“Ah! Paperclips!” he screamed.
He rolled off the desk and landed hard on the concrete floor.
“That's it,” he groaned. “I'm taking up chicken farming.”
Kim blinked. “Oooookay.”
She padded over to the fallen Kurt and relieved him of his key ring. Then she walked to Shego's cage on dropped it on the floor.
“So which key is it?”
“The big one,” said Shego.
“You sure?”
“Trust me.”
With some effort, Kim managed to get the key Shego had pointed out in her mouth and with some more effort into the lock. It was indeed the right key.
“Thanks,” said Shego, walking out of the cage.
“No big,” said Kim.
“Alright, time to go home Princess.”
“Yeah, OK.”
“Oh, and Kim?”
“Yeah?”
“Next time Dr. Drakken chains you up and starts monologueing at you, I'll punch him for you.”
“Aw, thanks.”
Early morning sunlight shone down on Kim's face. She carefully opened her eyes and stretched herself. Memories floated in and out of her consciousness, consisting mostly of nothing very much. Yesterday, after coming back from the pound, they'd managed to raid the fridge, have a drink and then went to bed together. That is to say, they went to sleep whilst lying on the same bed.
Kim lowered her arms and noticed that she had hands again.
“Huh.”
“Morning, Princess,”
Kim looked up and to the side at Shego's face. “Hey yourself. How long have you been awake?”
“A while,” said Shego. “And if you could stop using my stomach as a pillow, I'd appreciate it.”
“Sorry,” said Kim, rolling off Shego.
“Whatever. You're not that heavy.”
Kim sighed happily. “I actually feel pretty good right now.”
“Hmm,” said Shego.
“Mind you, I'll probably be freaked out about this in an hour or so.”
“Possibly.”
“We should do this again some time,” said Kim. “Uhm… that is…”
“Once our bodies start playing up you mean,” said Shego.
“Maybe a bit before that. Hopefully that way the transformation won't be so painful,” said Kim. “Now where did I leave my clothes?”
“In the living room, remember?” said Shego. “And are you sure you're not just looking for an excuse to be a bitch more often?”
“That's a very tired pun,” said Kim. “And anyway, you like being a dog too once in a while. Admit it.”
“I admit nothing,” said Shego. “So are you planning on leaving right away?”
“I guess,” said Kim. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, we didn't exactly have a good meal last night. So maybe, you know, you'd like some breakfast or something.”
Kim looked at Shego. And then smiled faintly. “Yeah, OK, sure,” she said. “I'd like that.”