Mystery Kimmy Theatre Three Thousand - Episode Three


Chapter 1


by
nodrog


1 - 2 - 3

TITLE: Mystery Kimmy Theatre Three Thousand - Episode Three

AUTHOR: nodrog

DISCLAIMER: “Kim Possible” and all characters within © The Walt Disney Company and its related entities. Kim Possible created by Mark McCorkle & Bob Schooley. All rights reserved. All other Characters not related to Kim Possible belong to their respective owners and creators. Original and ideas Characters are the intellectual property of their respective authors.

SUMMARY: Kim Possible: Tail of the Blue Fox Girl, by Sheng Long MiSTification done by Nodrogs

TYPE: MST3K

RATING: US: PG-13 / DE: 12

Words: 7669


-TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS-

The Middleton Space Center rang to a loud, annoying ‘Whoop Whoop’ sound.

“Dr. Possible! Dr. Possible!” shouted Norman Neitherbeast as he rushed into the office of the head of the space center.

“Yes?” asked the couple sitting in the office. Dr. Possible, rocket scientist, and his wife, Dr. Possible, Brain Surgeon.

“Um, Mr. Dr. Possible, there’s trouble with our communication link to the Satellite of K.I.G.O.” said Norman.

“What is it?” demanded Dr. Possible, standing up as his wife remained sitting.

“It’s the top-secret experimental orbital prison where your daughter, her best friend, and her worst foe are currently trapped.” said Norman. “But that’s not important now. We’ve already contacted the computer expert we have on file…”

“How is Wade, by the way?” interjected Dr. Mrs. Possible.

Norman ignored her, continuing his report. “Mr. Load reports that the signal is definitely coming from Dr. Drakken. Unfortunately, he can’t seem to localize it, and Dr. Drakken’s hacking signal has seized temporary control of the satelite.”

“The fiend!” snapped Mr. Dr. Possible.

“Oh, my!” gasped Mrs. Dr. Possible. “What could he be doing to my poor bubble butt!”

Yes, brave readers! What evil indeed could have befallen Kim Possible, the girl who can do anything?

Has she and her wacky side kick finally met their match? And why am I talking like this was an episode of ‘The Fearless Ferret’? For the answers to these challenging questions (well, two of them, at least) stay tuned! Same Ferret-Page, same Ferret-Time!

“That’s right, bow to me!” said Dr. Drakken, blasting spittle all over the camera lens. His face was projected, via the view screen, to the three unwilling, human inhabitants of the Satellite of KIGO.

“No.” said Kim, then growled and grabbed Ron’s shirt, stopping him in mid-bow.

“But Kim!” said Ron. “He’s got control of the Satellite! Who knows what he might do to us?”

“Look, Dr. D.” said Shego. “In case you forgotten, I don’t bow. I don’t curtsey, I don’t grovel, and unless I’m in an EXTREMELY good mood, I don’t even act nice to you in front of your mother. Now either tell me you’ve found a way to get me back to Earth, or get off the screen.”

“Fine!” said Dr. Drakken. “Let’s see how sassy you three are without any oxygen!”. He grabbed a dramatically over-sized lever and pulled on it.

“Environmental systems switching from remote control to local computer control” announced a pleasant, synthesized female voice aboard the Satellite.

Dr. Drakken growled and kicked the lever, hurting his foot. “You think you’ve won this time, Kim Possible, but you haven’t! Prepare yourself, Shego, Kim, and… um, Ren Stimpable was it?”

“Ron Stoppable.” said Ron, exasperated. “Say it with me. Roooon…. Stop-a-ble.”

“Bah! I have no time for your childish antics.” snapped Dr. Drakken. “Prepare yourself for a fan-fic like none you have suffered before!”

“Dude, we may have to take that from Kim’s dad.” said Ron. “But from you? Why should we bother?”

“Aw, come on, please?” said Dr. Drakken. “Look, it’s not fair… why should he be the only one to get to try to brainwash the three of you.”

“Not going to happen.” said Shego, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “For once, I’m in agreement with the buffoon.”

“I’ll…. I’ll hold my breath till my face turns blue!” threatened Dr. Drakken.

“Doy… you’re already blue.” said Shego, pointing out the one tiny flaw in an otherwise brilliant evil scheme.

“You force me, then…” said Dr. Drakken. “To unleash my most terrifying weapon!”

He picked up a microphone.

“Oh no.” said Shego. Sweat began to bead on her forehead, as she took a step back. “You wouldn’t…”

Dr. Drakken sang into the microphone, his tone-deaf voice reverberating through the bridge of the Satellite of Kigo. “Stop playing games with my head….”.

Shego grabbed Kim and Ron and dragged them to the dubious safety of the theatre.


*6* *5* *4* *3* *2* *1*

Ron, Kim, and Shego filed into the theatre.

Kim: “I don’t know, Shego… do you really think this is better then listening to Dr. Drakken sing?”

Shego: “Trust me, Kim. Chewing off my own arm and then clubbing myself unconscious with it is preferable to listening to Dr. Drakken sing.”

KIM POSSIBLE

Shego, Kim, and Ron all cover their ears.

Shego: “Hey! Dr. D! Turn the volume down!”

TAIL OF THE BLUE FOX… GIRL

Shego: “Ok, just a little further down now…”

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Recently, A few people have been doing Shego Pet stories. This is a non-challenge story, offering a alternative…

Ron: “Not a GOOD alternative, but an alternative none the less.”

Shego: “Shego Pet stories? Unless they wrote about me adopting a tiger or something, I don’t want to know.”

Kim: “Maybe they had you getting a naked mole rat. Creepy, but handy.”

Kim Possible belongs to Disney. If I owned it, we’d have more than 87 episodes once the new run is finished.

Kim: “Hey! Nobody owns me!”

Ron: “Easy, Kim… just let the mad author keep talking, don’t make eye contact…”

Revision Note

Well, I’m revising it. Firstly, I’m adding a whole new chapter to the beginning, where things are established, and secondly, I’m rewriting, where possible, the storyline beyond there.

Shego: “And we should care about this WHY?”

Ron: “Shego, think about it. If he’s rewriting it, that means the original was probably worse.”

I also am removing the news article, since it’s excess to the story requirements now.

I also have set it after the final episode of KP PREVIOUS TO StD.

Kim: “KP Previous To StD? Ok, talk about most ridiculous name for a TV show, ever.”

I will not consider that canon until they explain that ending.


CHAPTER ONE

THE MISSION

Ron: “Make Diet Dr. Pepper taste more like regular Dr. Pepper!”

Drakken could be called a lot of things. He’d been called mad, crazy, a crackpot, a half-wit, stupid and useless…

Shego: “And that was just by me.”

and that was just by his assistant…

Shego: “Hey!”

One thing he’d never been called was a genius… until now… “So genius, What is this plan you called me here for?” SSJ asked.

Ron: -cheesy game show host- “It’s time to play Guess That Acronym! First up: SSJ!”

Kim: “Buzzz! Some stupid jerk?”

“Well, It solve all our problems in one go…” He said, looking at DNAmy with a smile, “She’s loaning me a particularly useful device, and, well, I know for a fact you’ll like the single most useful side-effect it has…”

“You agreed to give it me…” DNAmy squealed.

Shego: “He’s a villain. Unless you get it in writing, AND have the ability to cause him intense pain, it doesn’t count.”

“Look, He’s the deal… How much can you afford for such a one-of-a-kind item?” Drakken asked.

“What kind of one of a kind item?” SSJ asked.

“A blue fox…” Drakken said, laughing surprisingly evilly, “A very special blue fox…”

Kim: “Ok, this is just creepy.”

“Sheesh, What is up with the evil community at the moment… I actually had time to myself for the past month.” Kim said to Monique.

“Girl, What’s the problem with that?” Monique asked.

Kim: “If this keeps up, my parents will want me to baby-sit the tweebs!”

Ron: “Oooh. The tweebs: The two kids who could make this place look good in comparison.”

“I actually am considering doing some work for Global Justice…” Kim said.

Shego: -Dr. Director impression- “Hi! Are you an under-aged teenage hero-wana-be interested in part time work, being sent into situations we couldn’t con an adult into facing? Then contact Global Justice at 555-NO-IQ.”

Kim: “Shego!”

“Girlfriend, You need to get back into the game…” Monique said, “What about doing girl things, like dating…”

“I’ve tried, but every boy I’ve dated has seemed so shallow…” Kim said.

“Sounds like you don’t need a guy…” Monique said.

Ron: “Warning! Incoming lesbian overtones!”

“What’s that meant to mean?” Kim asked.

“Kim, I’ll set it out for you… Have you even tried to score a decent guy, or have you just been telling yourself that you want a guy, and failing…” Monique said.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’ve got practice, some babysitting to do, and Wade managed to get me an In-Terror-net account installed on my computer…” She said.

Shego: “The In-Terror-Net: A computer network exclusively for super-villains.”

Ron: “Hey, what’s wrong with AOL?”

Shego: “Some things are too evil even for super-villains.”

AoiKitsune enters the chatroom

HoleInOne: Welcome, lassie…

MonkeyKing: I bid you welcome…

Kim: “Ok, so I have Wade hack into an evil computer network, and all I do with it is join a chatroom?!?”

GreenGal: Anyone know where… Oh, Hi, Newbie…

AoiKitsune: Anything going down… It’s been rather quiet…

HoleInOne: Aye, lassie…

GreenGal: Well, Only thing of note… Dr. D. gave me vacation time.

Shego: “And by ‘gave’ I mean ‘gave after I threatened to blow him and his lab up’.”

StuntJunkie: Why, Is he suspicious of you-know-what?

GreenGal: My relationship with Princess is not the reason.

Ron: “I warned you! Lesbian overtones!”

AoiKitsune: I’m a bit new here… Relationship?

GreenGal: Read the chat logs. Dr. D. seems to think I’m deliberately pulling back on Princess, when actually I think Princess has some kind of trick that negates my plasma…

Shego: “Or, maybe, it’s because I’m a THIEF and not a MURDERER? I have standards, you know.”

AoiKitsune has left the chatroom

Kim thought about the comments Shego had made, and checked the logs. Whole chat sessions were dedicated to the question of Shego’s loyalty, and they all posed one question after a while… Was Kim truly just your basic average girl?

Kim: “And am I here to save the world?”

She was interrupted from her musings by a call from Wade. “Something’s going down… Drakken’s just posted a call for you… No one else, just you… to come to one of his old lairs… I’ve got transport for one sorted, but Ron is going to be so pissed…” Wade said.

Ron: “It’s a trap! Unless he expects you not to come, in which case you can surprise him by coming, unless of course it’s a trap trap and… -mmpph-”

Shego: -covering Ron’s mouth with one hand- “It’s just a story, you should really just relax.”

“And what’s with the username, Wade?” She said.

“Yori suggested it… Did Ron have to let her in on your Animology results…” Wade said.

Kim glares at Ron.

Ron: “There was tickling, Kim! You can’t expect me to keep a secret when there’s a threat of tickling!”

Kim exited the garishly painted blue and green van.

“It was nothing after you helped us solve that mystery…” The driver said.

“Who’d have thought that, for once in a long time, the butler did indeed do it…” Kim said.

“Ree Ra!” “Bye!”

Shego: “Ree ra? What’s that?”

Ron: “Well, my canine is a bit rusty, but I think he’s saying “Please take me with you, away from this crazy, scrawny guy! He’s always dressing us both up in weird costumes”.”

Kim watched the van drive off, quietly wondering if that group had bought out the entire remaining stock of that particular make of van, then entered the lair of her arch-nemesis…

Kim: “Ho hum, crashing one of Dr. Drakken’s lairs. Must be a Tuesday.”

“What do you mean she’s gone, Wade?” Ron said.

Shego: “Well, at least this author’s version of Ron is acting in character. Extremely dense.”

Ron: “Hey!”

“She’s gone… She’s on a mission, and I’m not saying where.” Wade said. “Come on, You know it’s a trap.” Yori said.

Ron: “Wait a minute, how can it be a trap if we know it’s a trap?”

Kim: -sighs- “It’s a trap-trap, ok?”

“OK, Ron… I’ll call Fred and tell him that he’s got a second trip to do, but you’re buying them lunch…” Wade said.

Ron: -as ‘Fred’- ”Brontosaurus steaks! Yabba-dabba-do!”

“Ahh… Kim Possible… and no sidekick.” He said, smiling.

Kim: -Shaft impersonation- “Do you think that makes me more or less dangerous?”

“So, What do you want?” Kim asked.

“Simple… You let me be while Shego’s on vacation, and I’ll go straight… Any funny stuff, and there won’t be a second chance…” He said.

Ron: “A second chance for Shego to go on vacation?”

“Rig…” Kim began, then a alarm went off.

“Hmm… Your sidekick IS here…” He said, angrily, and a beam of some kind appeared from a hidden area behind him…

Ron arrived at a nearby vent to see the ray blast a pleading Kim, sending her flying.

“Sidekick, If you can hear me… If you’d not come, She’d still be alive…” Drakken yelled, then started laughing maniacally. Ron ran back the way he came.

Shego: -strums an imaginary lute- “When danger reared it’s ugly head, Brave Ron Stoppable boldly turned and fled…”

“Wade, We have a Code Red… Kim is down… As in shot with a death ray down… and it was my fault…” Ron said into his Kimmunicator.

Kim: “Oh, come on! It was SO obviously a trap-trap, why is Ron blaming himself?”

Within moments, Global Justice were in a uproar… Kimberly Anne Possible, the greatest hero in years, was dead…

Back at the lair, Drakken smiled, going over to the ‘corpse’, watching as it changed, limbs changing shape, a tail tearing out of her pants, her ears shifting position and shape…

“It worked… The ray worked…” He said, “Now, to business…”

Ron and Shego raise imaginary glasses. Ron and Shego: “To business!”

Kim: “What?”

Shego: “Oh, sorry, we thought Dr. Drakken was proposing a toast.”

He took the sleeping figure to a cage, putting a blanket over it, before walking out, calling Jack Hench.

“Hench, this is Drakken… Things just got very hot for me, and I need to do a auction quickly… I’m auctioning off everything…

Shego: -as Dr. Drakken- “Except my teddy bear!”

Announce it now, and don’t forget to mention that I have a very special lot… No, I’m not telling you what it is…” He said, then hung up as he noticed who was burning a furrow in one of his consoles.

“Oh, Hi, Shego…” He said, noticing her holding a PDA, on which a announcement was posted, the device soon to be dead… “Kimberly Anne Possible – Status: Deceased” It read.

Kim: “It said that on your PDA? It’s only been thirty minutes, top!”

Shego: “PDA: Possible’s Death Announcement.”

“Oh shit…” He thought, realising that Shego had come back early…

Ron: “And that he had just ruined this story’s rating, due to bad language.”


Last edited by nodrog on SatMar25,20069:57pm; edited 1 time in total

nodrog

Revision Notes

The chat session is a excerpt from the kind of thing you’d expect to hear.

Shego: ”…if this had been an actual emergency, and not just a test of the ‘Extremely Weird Alternate Reality alarm’.”

As a bonus chapter, I’ll be writing one of the logs from when ‘Princess’ is Shego’s, and they discuss what her feelings are towards the fox.

It’ll be funny, It’ll be as bad as a KiGo chatroom, and it’s a case of ‘Spot the users who aren’t crooks’ by the end.

Ron: “Game over, man! It’s a bug hunt!”

Kim: “Stay frosty, Ron… we can get through this.”

CHAPTER TWO

Shego: “Electric Boogaloo.”

THE DECEPTION

Shego was understandably furious when she came back early from her vacation, having heard rumblings of something hush-hush going down… and she’d then got the message that Kim was dead, and had seen her sidekick send his hurried message

Shego: “Ron knew about it before I did? No wonder I’m ticked off!”

“Drakken!” Shego growled, “Why wasn’t I called back in… You killed Kim Possible without me!”

Ron: “Let me guess, there’s a clause in your contract that says you’re involved in any Kim Possible killings?”

Shego: “It’s more of an amendment to the original contract, actually.”

“Erm… DNAmy required that as few people as possible knew about it.” He said.

“Why do I have a suspicion something is missing from my knowledge… Doy… You mentioned DNAmy and required that FEW people know about the biggest thing since the in-terror-net…” Shego said, “So, What’s going on?”

Drakken lead her to a area deep in the lair, the same area which he’d just left.

Under a blanket, Shego noticed a blue kitsune slept. It was only when the blanket was shoved aside briefly, and Shego noticed what the kitsune was wearing that she put two and two together.

Kim: “Well could you explain it to us poor readers?”

Shego: “A kitsune is a Japanese fox spirit, usually with multiple tails. The more tails is usually thought to indicate how powerful the spirit is, with nine being the most powerful and two tailed kitsunes stuck chasing after a hyper-fast hedgehog.”

“What did you do?” Shego growled, “That isn’t very dead… It isn’t even very like Princess…”

Ron: -as Dr. Drakken- “As it happens, our enemy is MOSTLY dead. Mostly dead is still partially alive. With all dead, there’s usually only one thing you can do.”

Shego: “Go through their pockets and look for loose change.”

Ron: “Oh, you know that one?”

Kim: “Ron, anyone who’s seen ‘The Princess Bride’ knows that one.”

“DNAmy loaned me the use of a genetic resequencer…The deal is this… I auction off the cub here to the highest bidder, stripped of what remains of her old self, and the victor gets to use their new property how they see fit… Only real bidders in the auction are DNAmy and SSJ…” Drakken explained, starting to babble fearfully.

Shego: “And the reason why he’s doing this?”

Kim: “It’s Dr. Drakken. You’re expecting one of his plans to make sense?”

Shego: “Good point.”

“And me…” Shego said, “I plan to be the one who breaks her, the one who owns her… The one she will be dedicated to for the rest of her days…”

Ron: “Gosh, Shego, someone might actually think you have feelings for Kim…”

Shego: “Shut up!”

“Shego!” Drakken said, “Both DNAmy and SSJ have made very large initial bids…”

“Add the two together… That’s my initial bid.” Shego said, as if the money didn’t matter.

“SHEGO!” Drakken said.

“Oh yeah, And Dr. D, tip for you… My new pet had better be in best condition when I get her, or I’ll give you every injury she has twice over… You can’t fuck me twice.”

Kim: “Shego! Language!”

Shego: “It’s not me! It’s the story! And there’s no way Dr. D is ever going to get to fuck me ONCE!”

Ron: “Gee, and you two wonder why all these authors think you might be lesbians.”

Kim and Shego: “Shut up!”

Drakken watched her storm off, then thought about how much Shego had bid on Kim’s future welfare…

“Damn… How did she get that much?” He said, as the transaction confirmed.

Shego: “Doy, you pay me that much? And I invest very carefully.”

“How could I have been so stupid!” Ron screamed, “I got Kim killed…”

“Stoppable-san, Drakken always had the ray, He just used you…” Yori said, “You can still go home, relax, and try to figure out how to respect Kim’s memory, rather than blame yourself…”

Ron: -as Yori/Ferris Bueller- “It’s over. Go home.”

“No, Yori… There’s nothing left for me there…” He said, “Team Possible is through…”

He threw his version of the Kimmunicator over a ledge, not waiting to hear it land, then followed Yori to the airport, and back to their clan…

Kim: “THEIR clan?!?”

Ron: “It’s more of a club, actually. You know, get together, share kung-fu moves, swap recipes…”

“Ron just went offline… We’re losing talent fast.” Wade said to Monique,

Shego: -as Wade- “And by ‘talent’, I mean dead weight.”

Ron: “Hey!”

“Only thing on the agenda is that Dr. Drakken is doing a private auction with Hench Co… The ‘RIP Kim Possible… We’ll Miss You’ Tribute Auction, according to Jack Hench… More like ‘Goodbye, Drakken… You’re too hot to keep around’ Auction…

Shego: “Ok, two words that do NOT belong together: Drakken and hot.”

He’s selling off his old plans, that Kim foiled, and the equipment he still has, before he plans to retire and flee the country… Apparently, Him and Shego fell out over the latter not getting to see Kim die, and he was forced to retire due to peer pressure.” Wade said.

Kim: “This is going to be one very WEIRD after-school special.”

“Anyone really we should be worrying about?” Monique said. “Global Justice are doing a new training cycle, to get back in the game. Team Impossible have gone freelance in tribute to Kim… Once the funeral’s done, Team Possible is being reused as the name for the youth corps of Global Justice… I’ve been called in as their liaison.” Wade said.

“So, There will be a Team Possible still?” Monique said.

Ron: “Couldn’t make the Team Possible booze without it!”

“Team Possible still means ‘We will do anything’… Recruitment is based on talents rather than age, so it doesn’t matter if you’re a 5-year-old martial arts prodigy… It matters that you know martial arts.” Wade said, “Kim would love it if she was still alive…”

Kim: “I’m not dead yet!”

Shego: “Yes you are.”

Kim: “I’m not.”

Shego: “Well you will be soon. You’re very ill.”

Kim: “I’m getting better.”

Shego: “No you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.”

Ron: “The ‘Not dead yet’ skit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, folks! Tip your waitress, we’ll be here all night.”

Dr. Director looked at the logo for the Global Justice Youth Corps… A green and yellow KP logo, with, underneath ‘TEAM POSSIBLE – WE WILL DO ANYTHING – Founded by the late Kim Possible’.

“Why does it have the comment about Ms. Possible founding it?” She asked Will Du.

Shego: -as Dr. Director- “I didn’t even know it had been losted.”

“All we’re doing is keeping it going… It’s her brainchild…” Will said, “To put anything else wouldn’t be respecting her at all…”

Kim woke up, to hear one of the new Team Possible recruitment commercials.

“Do you have a talent that you think can help the world? Do you think that nothing is impossible? Then call TEAM POSSIBLE!” The small TV blared, “Founded by the late Kim Possible, Team Possible needs you to join it’s call – ‘We CAN do anything!’…”

Kim: “Hey, that’s my line!”

Shego: -as Team Possible- “Maybe, but we’ve got the muscle to back it up.”

Kim was in shock. When she noticed her state, she was scared as well.

“Yes… You’ve been declared dead… Like the tribute… A freelance youth arm of Global Justice? I don’t… Just means even more brats annoying me…” Drakken said.

Ron: “I thought he was retiring?”

“At least Team Possible will still be there to foil the plans of your type…” Kim said, “That’s all that matters to me.”

Kim: “What about escaping and getting back to my family and friends? Doesn’t that matter also?”

“Oh yes… Since Kim Possible is dead, You are just some nameless wild animal… who is getting auctioned off as part of my clearance auction. SSJ needs a blue fox, DNAmy needs a unique cuddle buddy… and Shego threatened to notify Global Justice unless she got a final chance to break you… According to the official record, She cremated your remains, but she still wants to have that last chance at you…” Drakken said.

Shego: “Is it just me, or is that last line of Drakken’s EXTREMELY disturbing?”

Kim looked scared when he left.

Kim: “Evidently, it’s not just you.”

“Becoming Junior’s token wife, while would, in Ron’s words, be ‘sick and wrong’, DNAmy’s only life-size cuddle buddy,

Ron: “Actually, she had at least a couple of those already when we first met her.”

which would probably mean being left on display, not being allowed to do much but look cute… or being, more than likely, nothing more than a pet for Shego, which more than likely involves a lot of very rough treatment…” She sighed, “I’m doomed to a life of hell…”

Shego: “Speaking of doomed, we should probably go back to the bridge and see if Dr. Drakken is still controlling the horizontal and the vertical.”


Mystery Kimmy Theatre 3000 Episode Three, Part Two

Story: Kim Possible, Blue Fox by Sheng.Long Riffs and Host-Segments by Nodrog(s)

Kim Possible and related characters property of Disney and used without permission just for entertainment. No money is being made.

Based on Mystery Science Theatre 3000, property of Best Brains and used without permission.

The Fan Fic Kim Possible was written by Sheng.Long and appears in this with Sheng’s permission.


Shego, Kim, and Ron sat in the bridge of the Satellite of Kigo.

“I can see why MY dad would have us do an invention exchange.” said Kim. “But why does Dr. Drakken want us to do one?” said Kim.

“He’s nuts.” said Shego. “He doesn’t need another reason. But I will admit the whole invention exchange idea has me stumped…”

“Stumped, you said?”

The three human occupants turns to look at the activating Hex-field. Dr. Drakken grinned, delighted. “So, Shego, you see that being a constantly inventive genius is difficult, and that a modern mad genius should outsource when possible?”

“Doy, no.” snapped Shego. “Coming up with inventions is easy. What *I* can’t figure out is why, if this place was designed to contain evil geniuses, why there’s all this spare stuff to MAKE inventions out of.”

Dr. Drakken blinked. “Well, obviously, Dr. Possible wanted… that is…”. Dr. Drakken scratched his head. “All right, I don’t know either.” he finally said. “But even you’ll have to admit my invention today is a doozy! In fact, that’s what I call it! A Do-Uzi!”.

Dr. Drakken stepped back from the camera and pulled up an object that looked like a notepad attached to a machine-gun attached to a robot arm. “The Do-Uzi is the latest in self-motivational technology, using a combination of automated robotics, voice recognition, and note-pad software. Each morning you write down your goals on the ‘To-Do’ list, and if you don’t finish them be the end of the day… it’s bang-bang time! It‘s sheer genius!”

Shego rolled her eyes. “There is a thin line between genius and insanity. Dr. D, you’ve crossed that line a LOOOONG time ago.” she said.

Kim frowned. “Um, isn’t that dangerous to have around?” she asked. “What if you forget an item yourself?”

Dr. Drakken checked the list. “Let’s see… Hacked into the Satellite of Kigo’s signal… I’m forcing you to read a fan-fic… The only thing left to do is to win this invention exchange, and I’m done for the day!”

Kim blinked, then shrugged. “Ok… our invention this week is actually Ron’s idea.”

Ron stood up. “In today’s busy lifestyle, few people can find the time to relax. The solution is to find way to combine every day tasks with things people actually enjoy doing! For that, I present…”

Shego and Kim wheel in a covered object, about the size of a telephone booth. (You know, those things Superman was always zipping into when he needed to change his costume). Shego pulled off the cover to reveal what appeared to be a shower stall, with a video-screen set above the water knobs and a microphone taped to the shower nozzle.

Ron grinned. “The shower-karaoke machine!”

Ron yanked off his shirt and pants, revealing he was wearing a pair of bright orange bathing trunks underneath. He climbed into the shower. “Everyone loves to sing in the shower, now you can sing along to your favorite tunes even if you have trouble remembering the lyrics! You select the song you want by adjusting the knobs.”

Ron turned the cold water knob, and Paula Abdul’s “Cold hearted snake” began to play. He then turned the hot water on, causing Power Station’s “Some Like It Hot” to play.

Ron continued to adjust the knobs, the songs changing too fast to be made out. “Once you’ve found the right water temperature, you’ve also found the right song!” he said.

The O-Boy’s hit, “My way” began to play. Ron sang along, standing under the shower head. “’cause I like it my way, I want it my way…”

“Whatya think, sir?” asked Kim.

Dr. Drakken snarled. “You think you’re all that, but you’re not, Kim Possible! Just because I’ve lost this invention exchange, doesn’t mean… uh-oh…”

Ron, Shego, and Kim winced as the Do-Uzi opened fire. Kim cleared her throat. “Um… Back to the theatre?”

Ron turned off the water. “Right, Kim… Just let me get my clothes back on.”


-6- -5- -4- -3- -2- -1-

Shego, Ron, and Kim enter the theatre and sit down. Shego crosses her arms, looking grumpy.

Kim: -to Shego- “What’s wrong?”

Revision Note

Ron: -as author- “Note to self: Delete entire story, and never write again.”

Shego: -to Kim- “Look, it was bad enough when your dad was doing this. Now Dr. Drakken…”

Welcome to the all-new third chapter…

Ron: -Victor Price / Spooky voice- “Welcome, humans… I’ve been expecting you.”

Kim: “Shego, I thought you’d prefer a bad guy doing this. What’s got you so upset?”

Yep, I am doing more new content than old, but I did do a incredible amount of plot in the original chapters, and also these new chapters deal with things that previously were glossed over.

Ron: “So, if the original was glossy, this fic has the matte finish?”

Kim: “Ron, could you be quiet? Shego and I are trying to have a serious conversation.”

Shego: “Well, Kim, I guess I’m just worried about who else might find out and try to send us fics. Could you imagine D.N.Amy forcing us to read -shudder- a Cuddle Buddies story?”

Well, Enjoy…

Kim: “Relax, Shego. The only reason Dr. Drakken knew is because you sent him that message. No one else knows anything about the Satellite of Kigo, right?”

Ron: -glancing ahead- “Um, Kim?” -points to the current block of text rising on the screen-

And if you viewing this on the Satellite of KIGO, Seriously, Who would you pair off with if you were stuck on there for potentially the rest of your natural life?

Kim and Shego: *SCREAM IN TERROR*

CHAPTER THREE PREPARING FOR KIMMIE-CUB

Shego: “Let’s see… Chew toy, newspaper on the floor until she gets house-broken…”

Kim: “Shego!”

Shego cruised into her driveway. The mansion was one that had been in her family for years, but Hego, Wego and Mego had basically discarded it in favour of the Go Tower,

Shego: “Oh, sure. Why stay at the fully appointed mansion where we wore born and raised, when you can stay at Hego’s ‘Ultimate Fortress of Goodness’, with your bedroom conveniently located at the other end of the building from the bathrooms?!?”

Kim: “Bitter much?”

Shego: “Just a little.”

so it had become Shego’s little vice. She entered it, looking at the decorators and other workmen who were doing the last-minute remodelling for the arrival of her new fox.

“Why do we have to put in some of these things, Ms. Go?” One of the foremen asked.

“What like?” She asked.

Kim: -as Shego- “Me like talk in Tarzan tongue. What you like?”

“A well stocked fetish dungeon…” He listed, pointing to the room, whose door was still not refitted, “A pet room with a bed big enough for a St. Bernard…”

Ron: “Beethoven!”

Kim: “Having a fetish dungeon installed, Shego?”

Shego: “Lies!” -pause- “I already have one of those.”

“I have my reasons… I am paying you handsomely for this work…” She said, then went to her room, the door being missing due to a new coded lock and strengthened door being fitted, and collapsed on the bed.

Ron: -blows whistle- “Flag on play! Run on sentence. Five yard penalty.”

“Kimmie… You will be mine, and when I’ve dragged your broken and battered body in front of the evil community, There will be no doubts about my ‘relationship’ with you…” She said, “Everyone will know there’s nothing there…”

Kim: “Riiiiiiiight. You’re willing to spend a huge amount of money to buy me and you have a fully stocked fetish dungeon installed, but there’s nothing going on between us.”

Shego: “What did you want between us, Kim?”

Kim: “Nothing!” -blush- “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded!”

Shego: -giggles-

In Drakken’s lair, Kim looked round the small cage she was in. At regular intervals, one of Drakken’s henchmen brought her a simple meal, and that was her entire real interaction with the outside world. A small television broadcast the news, which was often about Team Possible helping out people in need.

Ron: “In need of getting off their lazy duffs and rescuing Kim Possible, I’d say.”

“In London today, Team Possible agents helped out England’s own U.N.I.T group with a incident involving a ‘attack by unknown invaders’…” The television announced.

Kim smiled, She’d helped that group out before, and had promptly had a non-disclosure order slapped on admitting exactly what she’d seen.

Ron: “What did you see?”

Kim: “I can’t tell you.”

Ron: “Oh, come on…”

Kim: “No, really, I have no idea what the author is talking about.”

As the henchman with her food arrived, however, she quickly turned off the news, and looked docile.

Shego: “But underneath, she was a raging cauldron of resentment and lust!”

“You creep me out, Ya know that? Everyone here knows you’re her, but you’re no longer such a risk…” He said, pointing out the sturdy restraints Drakken had put on her for safety reasons.

Kim: “And here I thought it was just because he was kinky.”

“To me, or to you?” She said, smugly. The henchman ran after leaving the food for her.

Ron: -as Henchman- “Run away! Run away!”

“Damn… No cutlery again…” She muttered. Her claws were too short to pick a lock at the moment, and the restraints were designed to hinder that idea anyway, “I’d almost think they wanted me to stay…”

Shego: “Kim, there’s a REASON why Ron is the comedy relief of your group.”

Shego smirked as she looked over the blue room. Everything in the room cost her at least 1000 dollars.

Ron: “Should have shopped at Smarty Mart!”

The pet bed, which she’d got specially made, had a silk lining, the fixtures were wooden with gold handles and patterning, and the clothes that were in the wardrobe were the best money could buy. She looked at a particular item that had been got early on in her time dealing with Kim Possible.

Shego -puts on a dealer‘s visor-: “Five card draw, deuces wild.”

It was daring. It was almost skin-tight. It also still would fit Kim even after her change. It also was priced at 200 million dollars including accessories.

Kim: “That’s inflation for you.”

“Damn that she’ll never wear it.” She muttered, putting it back away. She then looked at the black leather suit that she’d got as a alternative, which positively yelled ‘Slave’, and then, in a strange bout of compassion, caused it to start to burn up.

“And I don’t want her to be like that.” She decided.

Ron: “What, on fire?”

At the same time, DNAmy was walking through her cuddle buddy collection.

Shego: “See anything you like, Kimmy?”

Kim: “Shego, I am so over cuddle buddies. I never want to see another… Oooh! Look! TWO Flamingoats kissing!”

Racks upon racks of every kind of animal known to the creators, even some especially rare ones, but now, where once her rarest had stood, a glass and metal pedestal sat. The walls crackled with a forcefield, solid restraints were built into the design as well as a posture collar and similar restrictive items, each one made to pose the fox she’d be placing there in a cute and docile pose.

Kim: “I got your pose right here!” -gestures rudely to the screen-

Ron: “Kim! That is neither cute nor docile!”

“Well, everything’s set…” She said, “Shame I’ll have to be so strict with her… Why did Drakken not allow me to use those little mind-control chip things of his?”

Shego: “Because I threatened to shove the next mind-control chip he made so far up his rear he’d wind up mind controlling his own Adam’s apple?”

DNAmy sighed, looking at the blue silk unitard she’d got her new pet, and imagined what her collection would look like when Kim was tamed…

Ron: “A tiny bit more creepy, as hard as that is to believe.”

“It’ll be so wonderful… And my rarest cuddle buddy will be one-of-a-kind…” She smiled.

In their island hideaway, Senior Senior Senior was looking at his son, who was not really noticing him, more planning his upcoming relationship with Kim Possible.

“Junior, Have you even considered how you will deal with the fact that, yes, she’ll be your Blue Fox, but she’ll be as good as wild?” Senior said.

Kim: “When I’m good, I’m good. When I’m wild, I’m better.”

“Yes, Father… For the first few months, she’ll be trained, until she is not so wild, then she will be happy to partner with me…” Junior said.

Shego: “If by ‘happy’ you mean ‘will begin projectile vomiting at the mere thought of’, then yes.”

“You do know that your children will be… different?” Senior said.

Ron: -quoting from the movie ‘Forest Gump’- “Your son’s different.”

“I have read up on that, and I am not worried…” Junior said.

Kim: “Ok, I know the author has written a lot of unbelievable stuff, but this? Junior? READING?”

“So, You know something I don’t?” He said.

“I may do…” Junior replied, smirking, as he went back to his book.

Kim: “It’s a sign of the apocalypse!”

Shego and Ron: -scream in terror-

“It’s time.” Drakken said, walking into the room.

“So, Anyone else decided they want a piece of me?” Kim asked.

Kim: -tough guy voice- “You wanna piece o’ me?”

“No, and hopefully no-one else will. I have deals with two of them, but Shego seems to think it would be better to blast and run.” Drakken said, deadpan.

Shego: “And if I get my hands on him, it’ll be just ‘dead’, no pan.”

“She came back?” Kim asked.

“10 synthodrones and 5 robots.” Drakken said, sighing. Her mission suit was torn off her, and a blank collar was roughly put round her neck.

Ron: -singing to the tune of ‘12 days of Christmas‘- “10 synthrodrones, 9 hired goons, 8 combat soldiers, 7 mercenaries, 6 ninja sumos….”

Kim, Ron, and Shego: -singing- “Five…. Big… Ro…. Bots!!!!”

“Hench, I’m ready…” Drakken said, as she was dragged to a covered cage on a stage, multiple items surrounding it. From under the covering, she could see the curtain go up, and, if she crouched really low, could see the faces of some of the most evil people in the world.

Kim: “Hey, it’s the Middleton High School Librarian!”

Ron: “Where?”

Kim: “Right next to Osama Bin Ladden and Satan!”

“Welcome to our own personal tribute to the unfortunately deceased Kim Possible… Now, It’s likely that I’ll probably be up for murder by the end of the week, so everything must go!” Drakken announced.

Shego: “I see he’s preparing an insanity plea.”

“Drakken…” Shego’s voice called out.

“Yes, Shego?” He growled.

“Is that my hairdryer that has Lot 10’s tag hanging off it?” She said.

“Let’s see… Lot 10… Toiletries and healthcare items…” Hench said.

“OK, Drakken… If I don’t get back every lot that is actually my stuff, I’ll give you the death sentence!” Shego replied. Drakken was heard to gulp, and the auction began…

Kim: “You must really be attached to that hairdryer.”

Shego: “When you‘ve got hair as long as mine is, princess, you don‘t have time to towel dry.”


Revision Note Welcome to the bonus chapter…

Kim: “Hang on, guys… we beat the level boss, it’s time for the bonus stage.”

This is barely related to the plot, but is funny anyway. Anyway, Let’s log in, and see what happens.

LOGIN Guest

Ron: -singing- “Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!”

PASSWORD ***********

WELCOME TO THE IN-TERROR-NET

Shego: -chirpy AOL female voice- “You’ve got evil!”

USERS ONLINE

GreenGal, MonkeyKing. HoleInOne, StuntJunkie, Cuddles, FoxHunter, BigSpender, HenchMan (SysOp)

SUBJECT – Blue Foxes and Green Women

Kim: “…who love them too much, on the next Jerry Springer!”

Set by Disgraced on xx-xx-xxxx xx:xx

GreenGal: Why hasn’t someone changed the subject?

HenchMan: Why do you think?

FoxHunter: You have my bride!

GreenGal: Fuck off, Junior! She’s my billion-dollar fox!

Cuddles: Where did you get enough money to outbid me, and still run that oh-so-wonderful little lovenest…

Ron: -as ‘Cuddles’- “Where does she get those toys?”

* GreenGal wishes to remind Cuddles not to use the l-word when talking about her and the fox.

BigSpender: Tetchy, Aren’t we?

Shego: -fists light up- “You do NOT want to start a flame war with me, Senor Senior Sr!”

GreenGal: Hench, Can we get the Seniors and DNAmy to do this another day… I’ve not had a good day, and I recently had to lock my pet in a standing cage… She’s still in there, and probably won’t be coming out for the next week.

* HenchMan raises a eyebrow.

HenchMan: You’ve got her locked up like that? What did she do?

Kim: “Yeah, what did I do?”

StuntJunkie: Did she try to use your bed?

[GreenGal has disconnected]

* HenchMan changes the subject to ‘Shego and her pet – Tormenting the tribute’

* Cuddles changes the subject to ‘Blue Foxes and Green Women’

HenchMan: You do know that she’ll probably blast you?

Shego: “No ‘probably’ about it.”

[HackerXL has connected]

[HackerXL has been upgraded to SysOp]

[ShaoLin has connected]

[Simian has connected]

HackerXL: Any idea why Shego disconnected?

Ron: “Hey, wait! If HackerXL connected after Shego disconnected, then how did he know she did?”

Kim: “Ron, you’d have to be a complete computer nerd if that’s what’s bothering you most about this chapter.”

[GreenGal has connected]

GreenGal: Don’t ever talk about things like that… I had to find a new keyboard and mouse.

* Cuddles winces.

* FoxHunter cringes.

Shego: “And next, the chat room will have to find a new Cuddles and StuntJunkie.”

ShaoLin: Do you think the fox will be OK in the cage?

[AoiKitsune has connected]

AoiKitsune: What cage?

* GreenGal fumes, and goes to find out how she did that.

Kim: “I can do anything. Check out my website.”

[GreenGal has disconnected]

AoiKitsune: Anything’s possible for a Possi… Erk!

[GreenGal has connected]

GreenGal: She was using the dungeon’s terminal… I don’t know how she could have got out of the cage… It’s still locked…

Ron: -as Shego- “Why do we even HAVE that terminal down there?”

Kim: “I’m betting because of Wade. He’s got the world wired.”

AoiKitsune: And you’ll never find out.

[GreenGal has disconnected]

[AoiKitsune had disconnected]

Shego: “And this author has disconnected… from sanity, common sense, and reality as we know it.”


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