Bleak House

Chapter 2

Trial by Tabloid

King in Yellow

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TITLE: Trial by Tabloid

AUTHOR: King in Yellow

DISCLAIMER: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage. Sampson Brass is from The Old Curiosity Shop, by Dickens. The names of most other OCs are from Bleak House.

SUMMARY: Sequel to the unfortunate Hard Times. Kim is hit with a paternity suit. That is only the beginning as the courts attempt to resolve suits and counter suits. Only the lawyers look happy.

TYPE: Kim/Shego

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 1042

The lawsuit was a matter of court, and therefore public, record. But the charge seemed too ludicrous for responsible journalists to pay attention to the claim. But not all journalists are responsible. James Possible stopped to pick up a couple items at the supermarket on his way home when the tabloids in the checkout line caught his attention.

Virgin Heroine Named in Paternity Suit

read a headline in National Tattler. The US Gnus was even more lurid, and specific, with its:

Villainess Demands Child Support from Kim Possible.

He bought all the copies of both tabloids in his checkout lane. But there were other checkout lanes and other supermarkets in town. When Kim arrived in school the next day copies of both articles were taped up to her locker.

“Kim, could you try and bring some positive media attention to Middleton for a change?” Bonnie remarked when she stopped by Ron and Kim's table at lunch.

“Leave her alone, Bonnie,” Ron warned. “Any crazy person can file a law suit. It's not Kim's fault.”

“But she seems to attract the loons… This Shego woman, that Drakken guy, Ron Stoppable. It's like she's some sort of loser magnet.” She left, chuckling, before Ron could come up with a retort.

On the Tonight Show Jay asked, “Say, Kevin, you remember Kim Possible being on our show, don’t you?”

“Oh, sure. Sweet kid. Didn't she save the world or something?”

“Well, she was named in a paternity suit yesterday.” There was a small snicker from the audience.

“A paternity suit?”

“Stupid criminals, probably trying to blackmail her or something. This is why we need better sex education in the schools. This woman, I think her name is Shego, thinks she could get pregnant by sleeping with a woman.”

Kevin and the audience laughed politely. Jay adjusted his tie and raised an eyebrow. “I've seen pictures of this Shego, and I'd be willing to give her some ‘hands-on’ education.” More laughter came from the audience.

“Uh, Jay,” Kevin pointed out, “hands-on doesn't work for the pregnant part either.” The loudest laughter during the monologue followed.

Three days later Bonnie greeted Kim with a smirk on her face and a new edition of the National Tattler in her hands. “My, but you have been busy. When did you find time to lead cheers and save the world?” She held up the tabloid for Kim to see.

Three More Women Charge Kim Possible with Rape!

“Let me see that,” Kim demanded.

“You can keep it if you want. I bought five copies,” Bonnie told her, handing the paper over.

“It's no wonder you're failing social studies if you read garbage like this,” Kim muttered. “Look at the articles in here, ‘Bat Boy Recruited by Al Qaida,’ ‘Hitler Alive and Living on the Moon,’ “US Winning War in Iraq,’ and ‘Lose Thirty Pounds in Ten Days on the Dead Sea Scrolls Diet.’

Ron had wandered up as Kim examined the tabloid, “C'mon, Bonnie, you know they're just trying to make Kim look ridiculous.”

“Like she needs any more help with that than you hanging around her and what she calls her sense of style,” the brunette sneered. “Ta-ta.”

E! arranged an interview with Dr. Drakken in prison. He had been arrested soon after Shego left.

“I can't say I'm surprised--” Drakken began to tell the interviewer.

“You can't say you're surprised at a woman filing a paternity suit against another woman?”

“Don't be so dogmatic about conventional wisdom. When you've been in mad science as long as I have a thing like that is nothing. I've seen brain switches, brought dinosaurs back to life, ridden flying saucers, and been sucked into the world of cable television. A woman making another woman pregnant? Bah, nothing.”

“So, did what you call mad science have anything to do with this lawsuit?”

“Nothing that had to do with me. But I'm hardly the only one around -- just the best. Kim even has one she--”

“So, why weren't you surprised?” the reporter interrupted Drakken's rambling.

“Well, Kim Possible obviously had a thing for Shego. She would track us down, even when I wasn't planning anything, so she could jump on Shego and roll around on the floor with her. A few weeks before she left me Shego had taken a few days of personal leave. She said she went over to Asia or someplace to train. Did Kim Possible come after me -- the brilliant scientist bent on world domination? Nooo, she traveled half way around the world to attack Shego while the poor woman was taking a break.” Drakken sounded miffed that he had been ignored. “Poor Shego came back exhausted, said Kim had kept her up all night.”

“And would that have been when the alleged incident took place.”

“I hadn't… Well… I guess it's possible.”

Ron and Monique tried to cheer Kim up during lunch the next day. “C'mon, KP, he's a convicted felon. Who's going to believe him?”

“Yeah, girl. Everybody with a brain just treats it like a joke.”

“And that thing about going to Japan to be with Shego. He had to be making that up. If you'd gone to Japan I know you'd have taken me along.”

“I didn't go to Japan, Ron.”

“Yeah, just what I said. Drakken was just blowing hot air when they stuck a camera--”

“I went to China.”

“What!” Monique and Ron said together.

There was a moment's silence before Ron spoke again. He sounded hurt, “You really went to China without me? To fight Shego?”

Kim pushed her tray back, laid her head on the table and covered her head with her hands, “Well, we fought for part of the time,” she mumbled.

“Part of the time?” Monique asked sharply. “This is gettin’ weird, GF, what were the two of you doing the rest of the time.”

Before Kim could answer her pocket emitted a --Beep Beep Be Beep--

Kim answered the page with gratitude, “Wade, Please tell me you have something good for me.”

“Well, I've been able to follow the paper trial. Would you consider a location for Shego good news?”

Kim smiled at her friend on the tiny screen, “You rock, Wade.”

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